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What were your relationship consequences of trainings you have attended – especially if suggestion, hypnosis or belief change were themes of the training?
Incompetent, Abusive and Toxic Training
Some training programs have unpleasant consequences for participants. Examine the course topics, the trainers and the training style. While many trainers would dislike being called manipulative, some might be pleased … it’s what they do best.
Workshops and trainings with topics such as How to Make People buy Your Products often ignore long-term consequences in favor of short-term goals, but provide information that people will pay for. Topics such as Financial Success with Little Effort may be a ruse for manipulation, hypnotic language and coercion, with unadvertised consequences that you neither expect nor want.
Trainers who Abuse Students
Some teachers inspire students – and some extort money or sexual favors from participants. Some trainers use students as substitutes for laboratory rats. Does a trainer attempt to:
- limit your behavior or increase your flexibility?
- present their own values as a model for your life?
- install beliefs rather than provide useful information?
- test the consequences of their information in your life?
- express relationship behavior that inspires or damages relationships?
Some trainers attract the lost and the weary with promises of respect, success and power. But if people who dislike toxic training try to leave – they may be called quitters, regressive or learning disabled. We often help people who feel trainer disabled.
Training Types
As trainings can include any combination of topics, we use a hierarchy of abstraction of type of information and the role of the trainer. See: Steps to an Ecology of Mind by Dr. Gregory Bateson) :
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Type of Information |
Role of Trainer |
| Sense of Life |
Overall sense of fulfillment |
Priest or Guru |
| Relationships |
Defining self in relationships |
Evaluate & change relationships |
| Priorities |
Choosing personal values |
Evaluate & change priorities |
| Performance |
Choosing personal beliefs |
Evaluate & change beliefs |
| Capacity |
Replicate or create skills |
Improve ability to learn |
| Behavior |
Techniques and skills |
Provide repetitive techniques |
| Real world |
Test knowledge in real world |
Help interpret feedback |
We believe that testing knowledge in the real world, not in a classroom or laboratory, should be a basis of learning. Only real-world tests can show whether or not strategies are valid and valuable in the contexts for which they were claimed.
A trainer’s sense of life may be an overt or covert part of their training. A trainer’s maturity and integrity are critical, especially in longer trainings. We help people evaluate whether a specific training or a trainer is likely to provide clarity or confusion:
|
Healthy |
Unhealthy |
| Sense of Life |
Clear sense of integrity |
Confused sense of life |
| Relationships |
Clear relationships |
Violated promises |
| Priorities |
Clear values |
Confused priorities |
| Performance |
Clear beliefs |
Limiting or dependent beliefs |
| Capacity |
Clear improvement |
Reduced capabilities |
| Behavior |
Clear performance benefits |
Confusing techniques |
| Real world |
Tests show obvious benefits |
Tests show uncertain results |
To evaluate overall training effectiveness, we enquire whether a training offer testable specific results for specific actions in specific contexts. Does a training include real-world tests to prove that the promised results are gained? How does a trainer recommend that students test and use the material?
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Overall Training Effectiveness
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Sense of Life
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How do you experience your sense of life since the training? |
| Identity |
How do you experience your relationships since the training? |
| Values |
How do you enjoy your new priorities since the training? |
| Beliefs |
How do you feel about the training context since the training? |
| Modeling |
What was the result of your test your skills since the training? |
| Behavior |
What was the result of your test for behavior since the training? |
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Real World
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What checks were used before, during and after the training to test the validity of the material in the real world? |
What is Abusive Training?
Many courses are available to people seeking help or wanting to help others; and many trainers say that they can fulfill these needs. Yet some unpleasant consequences tend to haunt abusive trainers and their students. Questions that we find useful are:
- How can you recognize trainer abuse?
- Which trainers damage their students?
- How can you recognize abused students?
- How can people recover from toxic training?
- What does the trainer do to prevent student abuse?
Cult characteristics provide a useful measure of organizational dysfunction which can lead to abuse in training. Many cult characteristics include dimensions of compliance and control. Some are:
|
Role of Trainer |
Role of Cult Leader |
| Sense of Life |
Mentor, Facilitator or Coach |
Priest or guru |
| Relationships |
Provide models for relationships |
Conformity with trainers |
| Priorities |
Provide models for priorities |
Closed narcissistic systems |
| Performance |
Provide models for beliefs |
Offers dogma and secrets |
| Capacity |
Develops learning flexibility |
Creativity is a liability |
| Behavior |
Teaches techniques |
Teaches rituals |
| Real world |
Helps interpret feedback |
Avoids real world tests |
Recognizing Abused Students
People who receive abusive training or mentorship may later suffer mentor damage. Some common consequences of mentor damage are:
- Distrust self and own decisions
- Distrust all trainers and mentors
- Increase dependent relationships
- Feel depressed & with less sense of life
- Become less able to develop healthy friendships or partnership
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I took a NLP course on hypnotic sales techniques. I was hypnotized by the
trainer and students. Soon, love and spirituality were just word games …
my wife and I divorced … she got a restraining order to stop me seeing our children … but my sales did improve. Canada
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There are consequences to the people who practice manipulative techniques.
Do you stay close to people who do these things to you or who boast
about their passive-aggressive behavior?
Continued in Trainer Abuse 2
Do you want to solve emotional or relationship problems?
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