Table of Contents
Disentangle from Parents and Ancestors
Free yourself from your parents’ habits © Martyn Carruthers
Are you Entangled?
Does your family history influence you? Yes!
Does it rule you? That’s up to you.
Are you repeating your family history? Are you trying to complete your parents’ or ancestors’ unfinished business? Here are some common symptoms:
- Living in the past
- Hereditary illnesses
- Never feeling “good enough”
- Family is not socially accepted
- Anger and aggressive behavior
- Cannot accept the present or the future
- Recurring emotional conditions such as depression
- Recurring patterns of unhappy or failed relationships
Attachments can be passed down from the generations, from ancestors that you never met or even heard about. Family patterning of issues such as suicide, incest, abuse and abortion can pass down through the generations – even if your parents did not have these issues. A modern explanation for this is that this is genetic.
Entangled and enmeshed relationships can hurt you and the people you love. Entangled relationships with parents, grandparents aunts and uncles etc can cause chaos and suffering. Such enmeshments can diminish your ability to manage emotions and solve relationship problems.
Some Ancestral Entanglements
|You identify with a parent or other ancestor|
|You communicate or project as ancestor’s prejudices|
|You depend on an ancestor who depends on you|
|You believe something to feel connected to an ancestor|
|You perceive someone as if that person were an ancestor|
|You feel bad because an ancestor hurt someone|
Are you confused or bothered by emotional reactions or relationship habits that seem to connect you to your parents or other ancestors? We can help you free yourself from parental and ancestral entanglements.
Normal & Healthy Relationships
Many people come to us who want to have normal relationships. But normal relationships may be unhealthy. It is normal for some mothers to over-love their eldest or only sons. It is normal for some fathers to devote themselves to their youngest or only daughters. It is normal for some grandparents to become substitute parents to their grandchildren.
Do you sometimes pretend to be a lost child? Do you sometimes try to parent other adults? Do you sometimes play victimizer, victim or rescuer roles? These role-playing games can be intense … and they have high stakes. You bet your life.
Many families, organizations and cults enmesh people to control their behavior. There may be rules, but often the key rules are secret. Sometimes you can only lose.
Common Signs of Entanglements
|Don’t say what you mean||Don’t take yourself seriously||Claim everything is your fault||Never say “No“|
|Don’t mean what you say||Tell people not to take you seriously||Claim nothing is your fault||Never say “Yes“|
|Don’t know what you mean||Take yourself too seriously||Avoid talking about yourself||Lie, protect and cover up for people|
|Apologize for being alive||Are never sure what is being discussed||Talk too much||Talk in self-critical, or hostile ways|
|Only say what provokes people||Only express opinions when people will agree||Claim to sacrifice your happiness for others||Cannot express emotions appropriately|
|Compulsive spending||Believe lies||Tell lies||Become workaholic|
Many people are manipulated – and may manipulate others by – sexual entanglements. The most common may be in sales – pretty young women can sell just about anything. Also common are people who provide sexual pleasure – often without receiving pleasure themselves – in return for some benefit.
Partnership & Sexual Entanglements
Many codependent entanglements and dysfunctional disorders get worse over time, moving through symbiosis towards codependence and disconnection. You may become addicted to your own emotions – or addicted to hiding your emotions. What are the consequences of entanglements?
Common Consequences of Codependence
Your emotions can indicate your level of codependence:
|Anger / Rage||Fear / Anxiety||Sadness / Melancholy|
Human entanglements often include avoiding or overloading responsibility. Entangled adults often appear immature and childish, or may be overly protective (control freaks) towards other adults. Protection can be a small step from control.
Entanglements & Responsibility
Do you want to change – or to suffer? Contact us to manage negative emotions, end self-sabotage and solve relationship problems.