Change Negative Thoughts and Feelings © Martyn Carruthers

Do you want to end depression?
Depression can be a time to evaluate, “What makes sense in life?”

Many people attempt to use drugs as a substitute for solving relationship problems. Alcohol, nicotine and anti-depressants seem easier than solving guilt issues.

Consequences of Depression

If you feel depressed for more than a few days,
we recommend that you talk to a medical doctor
especially if you consider harming yourself or others.

Depression is part of life. Depression affects about 10% of the world population – there are about three million depressed people in England alone. We find that common causes of depression are not an economic crisis so much as relationship problems and lives without meaning.

If you have healthy relationships and a sense of purpose – an economic crisis or recession are just other problems to solve! If you feel anxiety about your family or worried about aging, sex drive or thinning hair, it’s easier to blame some crisis for limiting your enjoyment of life. Why not fix the real problem?

Depression can contribute to bedroom problems such as impotence (erectile dysfunction in men and frigidity in women). Depressed people can damage or destroy their partnerships and family harmony – increasing their depression.

Depression is also associated with food allergies, limiting beliefs, stress, codependence, addiction, living alone, relationship breakdown and relationship problems. We can help you resolve each of these, by first finding your real issues.


Depression is the inability to construct a future
Rollo May

Depression is a reminder that something important is missing in your life and/or that you need to change some relationships.
Martyn Carruthers

Depression reduces the quality and sense of life, and often originates in the early family. Depression often starts as isolation, or in dependent, symbiotic or dysfunctional relationships. Relationship problems require relationship solutions (and drugs often seem to delay a search for solutions).

We find that depressed women are more likely to seek help, while depressed men of any age appear more likely to self-medicate with alcohol or nicotine, or obsessively distract themselves with television, pornography, internet surfing or gambling.


Does your life make sense? Can you enjoy …

  • intimate partnership
  • strong supportive beliefs
  • a sense of connectedness
  • you know what is important
  • a sense of purpose or mission
  • healthy mind in a healthy body
  • your place within your community
  • caring for children or projects

You can prevent or remedy depression – or you can deal with its consequences. We help people build better relationships, plan their lives, exercise, enjoy sleep and benefit from healthy diets. People facing alcohol or drug addictions can also seek drug treatment and recovery programs.

Depression & Drugs

The sale of anti-depressants is a multi-billion dollar industry. Although the most common anti-depressants may be alcohol and nicotine, trying to manage depression with addictive prescription drugs may have consequences worse than depression. Many prescription anti-depressants are addictive with unpleasant side effects.

The more expensive anti-depressant drugs are SSRI – selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors such as Zoloft, Prozac or Paxil, which increase serotonin in the brain. Many older and cheaper anti-depressants include MAOI or MonoAmine Oxidase Inhibitors, with worse side effects.

Symptoms of Depression

People who feel depressed often describe unpleasant moods, thoughts and self-image. They may have difficulty making decisions – day-to-day tasks may seem overwhelming. Check these symptoms …

  1. Preoccupied with death or suicide
  2. Insomnia and/or major sleep changes
  3. Appetite and/or major weight changes
  4. Decreased energy, fatigue – always tired
  5. Little interest in romance or sexual activity
  6. Feeling hopeless, helpless or pessimistic
  7. Feeling guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
  8. Loss of interest or pleasure in work or profession
  9. Little pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed
  10. Sadness, anxiety, emptiness, restless and irritable
Depression, Disease & Guilt

Depression seems to be a normal response to unhealthy relationships. People at higher risk of depression include those suffering from codependence or mental illness. Common issues underlying depression seem to be guilt and shame, especially if you:

  • abused, traumatized or hurt someone
  • were abused by someone but you blame yourself
  • blame yourself for some misfortune to yourself or to others
  • betrayed or abandoned someone important (e.g. abandoning a child)
Withheld Guilt & Shame

People who try to withhold emotions will sooner or later express them; either as body symptoms or as relationship drama. Depression often seems to result from withholding guilt and may reflect abuse, abandonment, betrayal, etc.

Depression may also follow parental alienation or emotional incest. Do you allow yourself to be happier than your parents? (Did your family have family secrets).

You asked if it was OK for me to be happier than my mother.
I realized that whenever I feel happy, I do stupid things to upset
my husband. Then I don’t feel guilty about my mother’s depression.

Guilt and shame can be experienced as depression, chronic relationship problems or nervous breakdown. Long-term solutions seem to require that people who have hurt others clarify and balance this hurt, and that they solve any relationship problems, see emotional maturity. (People facing alcoholism or drug addiction often seek rehab centers to gain sobriety and overcome these addictions.)

Many people seem to try to control guilt and depression with distractions (e.g. TV, sex, gambling, etc), medications (including nicotine, alcohol and caffeine) and dissociation (withdrawal, self-hypnosis and meditation). Such control is usually short-term.

Solutions for Depression: Wisdom & Integrity

Intelligent people may feel depressed if they cannot find solutions for problems or trends that less intelligent people do not notice. (Sensitive people may feel depressed by incidents that less sensitive people consider unimportant.)

Do you want to resolve emotional and relationship issues quickly?