Solutions for Children’s Emotional Problems
Solve Childhood Problems © Martyn Carruthers 1999
Prevent and Solve Children’s Emotional Problems
Children who appear to lack concentration or curiosity, or who are a
nuisance to teachers, may be labeled learning disabled – or worse.
However, many troubled children are punished or medicated for
expressing or reflecting their parents‘ immature behavior.
Parental Behavior & Children’s Reactions
|Parents’ Behavior||Children’s Symptoms||Potential Solutions|
|Parent(s) don’t manage family crises, or pretend that family stress is normal||Children are preoccupied (ADD) and show stress symptoms (e.g. nail biting, nightmares, bedwetting)||We help parents manage family crises quickly and effectively|
|Parent(s) hide guilt or ignore uncomfortable truths||Children sense and obsess about guilty family secrets||We help parents manage guilt issues quickly and effectively|
| Parent(s) abuse childrenParent(s) live through children
Parent(s) try to own children
Parent(s) act like children
Parent(s) ignore / abandon child
| Children confuse roles, and bond unhealthily with parent(s), siblings or friends Children may be traumatized and withdraw from family
Children may try to punish selves or other family members
|We help parents find friends with whom they can discuss partnership and parenthoodWe help parents clarify their relationships with their own parents, partners and past partners|
|Parent(s) bond to a child as a substitute for a partner (covert emotional incest)||Children confuse roles and try to become a partner to the parent||We help adults parent their children and love their partners – even if separated, divorced etc|
|Parent(s) ignore dead or missing family members (often to avoid explanations or feelings of guilt)||Children confuse roles and may show chronic sadness or melancholy||We coach parents to discuss dead or missing family members with their children|
|Parent(s) ignore the consequences of abortion or miscarriage etc||Children confuse roles and may show chronic sadness||After an abortion, miscarriage, stillborn or cot death, we help a family honor the missing child|
|Parent(s) allow other people to interfere with the parents’ roles and the child’s welfare||Children confuse roles and may become unable to commit to healthy partnership when adult||We help parents clarify to children who are parents and who are substitutes for parents|
|Parent(s) allow family members to be manipulated or victimized||Children confuse roles and may show chronic anger||We help family members define and fulfill their responsibilities|
|Parent(s) ignore courageous actions or bravery by a family member||Children confuse roles and may show chronic anxiety||We help parents honor all acts of bravery by family members|
|Parent(s) become resourceless, resorting to verbal or physical abuse or ignorance etc||Children may identify with conflicting parental beliefs, with chronic internal conflict||We help parents work together as a team to maintain family harmony|
|Parent(s) insist that children control or hide their emotions||Children may hide all emotions and emotionally withdraw or dissociate||We help parents explore children’s emotions and how to express their emotions|
|Parent(s) ignore children’s goals or punish children for saying what they want||Children focus on what is missing – may develop little sense of life direction||We help parents explore children’s goals and how those goals may be fulfilled|
|Parent(s) communicate that children cannot contribute to family goals||Children feel unloved and act out to discover if they are loved||We help parents explore their children’s contributions to family situations and goals|
| Parent(s) blame their children
for family problems
|Children withdraw from family. Depression & psychosomatic disease symptoms common||We help parents manage partnership and parenthood concerns|
Online Solutions for Difficult Children
- When we work with children, we embed our counseling within stories,
interactive metaphors, art, games etc.
- We require the active participation of a parent or legal guardian
(ideally a parent) of a family who seek help for troubled children.
- The participating parents may require some sessions with us to
resolve any immature emotional baggage that they are carrying.
Contact us for help resolving emotional blocks and relationship issues