Table of Contents
Solutions for Children’s Emotional Problems
Solve Childhood Problems © Martyn Carruthers 1999
Prevent and Solve Children’s Emotional Problems
Children who appear to lack concentration or curiosity, or who are a
nuisance to teachers, may be labeled learning disabled – or worse.
However, many troubled children are punished or medicated for
expressing or reflecting their parents‘ immature behavior.
This table is useful for understanding many consequences of
emotional incest, parental alienation, vanishing twins
and other family causes of children’s problems.
Parental Behavior & Children’s Reactions
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| Parents’ Behavior | Children’s Symptoms | Potential Solutions |
| Parent(s) don’t manage family crises, or pretend that family stress is normal | Children are preoccupied (ADD) and show stress symptoms (e.g. nail biting, nightmares, bedwetting) | We help parents manage family crises quickly and effectively |
| Parent(s) hide guilt or ignore uncomfortable truths | Children sense and obsess about guilty family secrets | We help parents manage guilt issues quickly and effectively |
| Parent(s) abuse childrenParent(s) live through children
Parent(s) try to own children Parent(s) act like children Parent(s) ignore / abandon child |
Children confuse roles, and bond unhealthily with parent(s), siblings or friends Children may be traumatized and withdraw from family
Children may try to punish selves or other family members |
We help parents find friends with whom they can discuss partnership and parenthoodWe help parents clarify their relationships with their own parents, partners and past partners |
| Parent(s) bond to a child as a substitute for a partner (covert emotional incest) | Children confuse roles and try to become a partner to the parent | We help adults parent their children and love their partners – even if separated, divorced etc |
| Parent(s) ignore dead or missing family members (often to avoid explanations or feelings of guilt) | Children confuse roles and may show chronic sadness or melancholy | We coach parents to discuss dead or missing family members with their children |
| Parent(s) ignore the consequences of abortion or miscarriage etc | Children confuse roles and may show chronic sadness | After an abortion, miscarriage, stillborn or cot death, we help a family honor the missing child |
| Parent(s) allow other people to interfere with the parents’ roles and the child’s welfare | Children confuse roles and may become unable to commit to healthy partnership when adult | We help parents clarify to children who are parents and who are substitutes for parents |
| Parent(s) allow family members to be manipulated or victimized | Children confuse roles and may show chronic anger | We help family members define and fulfill their responsibilities |
| Parent(s) ignore courageous actions or bravery by a family member | Children confuse roles and may show chronic anxiety | We help parents honor all acts of bravery by family members |
| Parent(s) become resourceless, resorting to verbal or physical abuse or ignorance etc | Children may identify with conflicting parental beliefs, with chronic internal conflict | We help parents work together as a team to maintain family harmony |
| Parent(s) insist that children control or hide their emotions | Children may hide all emotions and emotionally withdraw or dissociate | We help parents explore children’s emotions and how to express their emotions |
| Parent(s) ignore children’s goals or punish children for saying what they want | Children focus on what is missing – may develop little sense of life direction | We help parents explore children’s goals and how those goals may be fulfilled |
| Parent(s) communicate that children cannot contribute to family goals | Children feel unloved and act out to discover if they are loved | We help parents explore their children’s contributions to family situations and goals |
| Parent(s) blame their children for family problems |
Children withdraw from family. Depression & psychosomatic disease symptoms common | We help parents manage partnership and parenthood concerns |
Online Solutions for Difficult Children
- When we work with children, we embed our counseling within stories,
interactive metaphors, art, games etc. - We require the active participation of a parent or legal guardian
(ideally a parent) of a family who seek help for troubled children. - The participating parents may require some sessions with us to
resolve any immature emotional baggage that they are carrying.
Contact us for help resolving emotional blocks and relationship issues
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