Disentangle from Parents and Ancestors

Free yourself from your parents’ habits © Martyn Carruthers

Are you Entangled?

Does your family history influence you? Yes!
Does it rule you? That’s up to you.

Are you repeating your family history? Are you trying to complete your parents’ or ancestors’ unfinished business? Here are some common symptoms:

1. Living in the past
2. Hereditary illnesses
3. Never feeling “good enough”
4. Family is not socially accepted
5. Anger and aggressive behavior
6. Cannot accept the present or the future
7. Recurring emotional conditions such as depression
8. Recurring patterns of unhappy or failed relationships

Attachments can be passed down from the generations, from ancestors that you never met or even heard about. Family patterning of issues such as suicide, incest, abuse and abortion can pass down through the generations – even if your parents did not have these issues. A modern explanation for this is that this is genetic.

Entangled and enmeshed relationships can hurt you and the people you love. Entangled relationships with parents, grandparents aunts and uncles etc can cause chaos and suffering. Such enmeshments can diminish your ability to manage emotions and solve relationship problems.

Some Ancestral Entanglements
Identification	You identify with a parent or other ancestor
Projection	You communicate or project as ancestor’s prejudices
Codependence	You depend on an ancestor who depends on you
Belief Bonds	You believe something to feel connected to an ancestor
Transference	You perceive someone as if that person were an ancestor
Guilt	You feel bad because an ancestor hurt someone

Are you confused or bothered by emotional reactions or relationship habits that seem to connect you to your parents or other ancestors? We can help you free yourself from parental and ancestral entanglements.

Normal & Healthy Relationships

Many people come to us who want to have normal relationships. But normal relationships may be unhealthy. It is normal for some mothers to over-love their eldest or only sons. It is normal for some fathers to devote themselves to their youngest or only daughters. It is normal for some grandparents to become substitute parents to their grandchildren.

Do you sometimes pretend to be a lost child? Do you sometimes try to parent other adults? Do you sometimes play victimizer, victim or rescuer roles? These role-playing games can be intense … and they have high stakes. You bet your life.

Many families, organizations and cults enmesh people to control their behavior. There may be rules, but often the key rules are secret. Sometimes you can only lose.

Common Signs of Entanglements
Excuses	Blaming	Complaining	Criticizing
Threatening	Coercing	Begging	Gossiping
Don’t say what you mean	Don’t take yourself seriously	Claim everything is your fault	Never say “No“
Don’t mean what you say	Tell people not to take you seriously	Claim nothing is your fault	Never say “Yes“
Don’t know what you mean	Take yourself too seriously	Avoid talking about yourself	Lie, protect and cover up for people
Apologize for being alive	Are never sure what is being discussed	Talk too much	Talk in self-critical, or hostile ways
Only say what provokes people	Only express opinions when people will agree	Claim to sacrifice your happiness for others	Cannot express emotions appropriately
Compulsive spending	Believe lies	Tell lies	Become workaholic

Many people are manipulated – and may manipulate others by – sexual entanglements. The most common may be in sales – pretty young women can sell just about anything. Also common are people who provide sexual pleasure – often without receiving pleasure themselves – in return for some benefit.

Partnership & Sexual Entanglements
Do you initiate sex when you feel bad? Can you ask for what you want in bed? Do you withdraw from your sex partner? Are you disgusted by your sex partner? Do you have sex when you don’t want to?	Has sex become robotic? Do you tell lies to avoid sex? Have you lost interest in sex? Do you consider sexual affairs? Do you hope a partner will die?

Sexual Abuse . Sexual Solutions . Sexual Issues . Sexual Affairs

Long-Term Entanglements

Many codependent entanglements and dysfunctional disorders get worse over time, moving through symbiosis towards codependence and disconnection. You may become addicted to your own emotions – or addicted to hiding your emotions. What are the consequences of entanglements?

Common Consequences of Codependence
feel lethargic, bored or low energy feel dejected and depressed feel hopeless, helpless & worthless feel withdrawn and isolated abuse or neglect your children avoid your responsibilities	consider self-harm or suicide become aggressive and violent psychosomatic disease eating and sleeping disorders addictions to substances autoimmune disease symptoms

Your emotions can indicate your level of codependence:

Anger / Rage	Fear / Anxiety	Sadness / Melancholy
Are you afraid of your own anger? Are you frightened of other people’s anger? Do you hide or swallow angry feelings?	Are you afraid of authorities? Are you afraid of being abandoned? Are you afraid of consequences?	Do you proclaim your sadness? Do you punish people who make you sad? Do you feel guilty for feeling sad?

Human entanglements often include avoiding or overloading responsibility. Entangled adults often appear immature and childish, or may be overly protective (control freaks) towards other adults. Protection can be a small step from control.

Entanglements & Responsibility
Do you give unwanted advice? Must you help people with problems? Do you obsess about people’s needs? Do you try to please other people (but not yourself)?	Do you feel victimized? Are you overly responsible? Are you overly irresponsible? Do you only attract needy people? Are you attracted to needy people?

Do you want to change – or to suffer? Contact us to manage negative emotions, end self-sabotage and solve relationship problems.