© Martyn Carruthers

Online Life Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Training

We offer coaching and training on relationship and sexual happiness,
resolving negative emotions and relationship entanglements.

This page is for helping professionals and responsible adults.

We provide coaching to people who have suffered from sexual issues, and we train health professionals to help clients manage issues of sexual intimacy. We help people manage many underlying relationship problems and emotional disturbances.

I asked you for help because I was emotionally absent during sex. If I wanted to climax I had to fantasize … and felt guilty. During my sessions I was shocked to find that emotionally, I had married my father, who I love, but I didn’t want to make love with him.

Back to Page 1: Sexual Education & Harassment
On to Page 3: Infertility, Masturbation & Menopause

5. Survivors of Sexual Abuse

Survivors of childhood sexual abuse often fear happiness and success, and some Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) were sexually abused as children. This may lead to reduced motivation, chaotic relationships and psychosomatic disease (e.g. asthma). Survivors of sexual abuse can benefit from our systemic psychology to change toxic relationship beliefs and emotional trauma.

Some children play the role of a friend or partner to lonely, needy parents. These children become fixated on and bonded to their parents by feelings of puppy love, loyalty, allegiance and responsibility rather than in healthy parent-child relationships. As adults, these children of covert emotional incest often appear unable to commit to healthy partnership, usually with problems of intimacy and sexuality.

6. Treatment for Sexual Abusers

Many sexual abusers were themselves abused as children. During an abusive event, most people seem to dissociate to the meta-position of the abuser. Such bonds to abusers are usually in conflict with a person’s dominant personality, and the repressed motivation later surfaces as powerful desires.

Such desires may be externalized as coming from some entity (a demon controls me), or may be kept secret, with fear of impending insanity. Actualizing such obsessions brings a form of peace – also guilt, shame and legal risks. Our drug-free coaching can help people resolve and integrate sexual conflicts.

7. Male Sexual Problems

Sexual dysfunction usually means problems with sex. Both men and women can have it. Male sexual dysfunction is often associated with anxiety and self-fulfilling prophecies of failure. The most common issues we are told about are erectile dysfunction (limp dick) and premature ejaculation.

Erectile dysfunction has many possible causes and no reliable prevention (although it is known that high alcohol or nicotine intake can restrict blood flow to the penis). We can help people control anxiety issues (including performance anxiety), depression and self-confidence.

Premature ejaculation appears primarily emotional, often in men who are obsessed with sexual activity. We help men manage this problem by helping them resolve or control underlying childish or teenage conflicts, fears, guilt and other emotions.

8. Female Sexual Issues

Sexual dysfunction usually means problems with or about sex. The stresses of everyday life  – being tired from a busy job – caring for young children or boring sexual routines often reduce sexual desire.

Women with sexual problems comprise about a quarter of our female clients. This increases to about three quarters if we include sexual dissatisfaction or sexual problems such as impotence & frigidity. We note that many people blame their partners for their own dysfunction.

Four basic types of women’s sexual problems are:

  1. When you can’t reach orgasm or you have pain during orgasm
  2. When you have pain during or after sex (dryness, vaginismus, pelvic pains)
  3. When you are not interested in sex or you have less desire for sex than previously
  4. When you don’t feel sexual responses in your body or you cannot stay sexually aroused

Women may have less sexual desire during pregnancy, following childbirth or when breastfeeding. After menopause many women feel less sexual desire, have vaginal dryness or have pain during sex due to a decrease in estrogen (a female hormone).

9. Sexual Addictions

Many sex addicts come from a background of sexual and/or emotional abuse. Abuse victims may re-enact their abuse not only by victimizing others, but also by sexual obsessions, compulsions and addictions. (We coach people to resolve sexual addictions like any other addiction.)

Survivors of abuse (including covert emotional incest) often feel inadequate, and sexual intimacy may offer an escape from reality, a way to feel good, and a way to define oneself. If this becomes a problem – then a desire for sexual intimacy may show the classic signs of addiction: compulsions, preoccupation, unpleasant consequences, inability to stop, despair and depression.

Men who love their mothers as partners may avoid commitment and sabotage
their intimate relationships. A son’s love for his mother may not leave any space
for loving a partner. Instead such men may pursue women relentlessly, distract
themselves or become celibate.

A survey of over 1,000 recovering sex addicts (summarized in Dr. Carnes Don’t Call It Love), indicated that almost all people (97%), surveyed felt that they were emotionally abused while 81% indicated that they had been sexually abused, and 72% said that they were physically abused as children.

About 80% of those sex addicts indicated that they came from families with rigid and repressed attitudes about sex, or from families that were entangled and/or dissociated. Families that are either rigid or chaotic or that are disengaged or entangled tend to produce sex addicts.

10. Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD)

About 15% of people have at least one of the venereal diseases transmitted through sexual activity. HIV and AIDS are deadly; other complaints include genital warts, chlamydia, herpes and gonorrhea. (Many STDs have similar symptoms – refer all medical symptoms to licensed physicians.)

People risk venereal disease if they have or had:

  • sex without protection
  • multiple sexual partners
  • share drug needles or have sex with a diseased person
  • know or suspect that a partner had sex with other partners
Solutions for Sexual Issues

Alcohol, stress, medications, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and weight are often blamed for sexual problems – but the reasons why people get into such messes usually result from negative emotions and limiting beliefs that reflect relationship problems.

Assimilating limiting  beliefs and integrating negative emotions usually requires changing and healing the relationships in which those beliefs and emotions were created. We specialize in resolving emotional problems and relationship issues.

The consequences of sexual issues can be severe. Do you want to solve
emotional and relationship problems that underlie sexual issues?

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