Loneliness & Friendship Problems
Quality friends are rare and special © Martyn Carruthers
We can help you manage your emotions and solve relationship problems.
How many people are truly your friends?
How many are just casual acquaintances?
How many don’t know your name?
Your Relationship with Yourself
Are you Lonely?
Most people experience loneliness sometimes … and some people prefer solitude. While some people are better trained at making and keeping friends, others want to be friendly but feel rejected or misunderstood. Some people avoid stepping out of their comfort zone to make new friends.
People who lack self-esteem or confidence may only
attract and be attracted to people with low self-esteem.
People can feel lonely for many reasons, such as moving to a new city. How long they stay lonely will reflect their motivation and their relationship skills. People who quickly find new friends know how to be friendly and how to assess potential friends.
The worst loneliness may be the isolation of being misunderstood.
Who do you want as friends?
Do you want healthy, mature friends – or unhealthy, immature friends? Do you want to spend time with people who like you … or with people who need you?
We can help you manage your emotions and relationships – or do you prefer to seek other people with similar problems to your own. Such people are more likely to accept you as you are … but later may resist your development.
Let’s start with some questions :
- Do you feel lonely?
- Who really cares about you?
- Who do you really care about?
- Who do you keep in touch with?
- Do you enjoy members of your family?
- Do you enjoy the people you work with?
- Do you participate in community events?
Most people feel lonely sometimes. But being lonely does not mean that anything is wrong with you. Loneliness may feel stronger during transitions, and when you’re bored. If you’re exploring new interests, for example, you may feel lonely as you look for people who share your new interests.
It may not be that you are left out of good relationships – there may be no good relationships to be left out of. Most healthy people create and maintain their own. And if you don’t know how … or why … to make and keep friends, you may feel rejected or even depressed.
If you look around and see bad or broken relationships, if it seems that no healthy relationships exist, then your relationship with yourself may also be in desperate need of attention. What you see outside often reflects what you feel inside.
Perhaps when you were small – you were lead to believe that you were different – that you were special. Perhaps you bought it and you tried to be special to please a parent. But there’s a price tag, a big one; the price is your happiness.
Loneliness, Isolation and Depression
Are you too busy or too self-absorbed to learn how and why to spend quality time with others? The consequences come on the day that you realize that you have no healthy relationships.
You risk becoming another lonely old person – maybe grumpy and bitter – perhaps glued to a television or computer monitor. For many lonely people, each passing day may be just a burden, hoping for visitors but not doing much to attract them.
Loneliness is often a result of circumstances. Older people may have more difficulty finding or maintaining quality friendships. Old friendships that weren’t nurtured may be lost. You – or some of your old friends may have moved far away. Some may have died.
Churches and shopping malls are full of lonely people. Many people go to a church or a mall hoping to connect with other people, and at the end of the day even lonelier when they realize their strategy failed them.
What Can You Do?
Many lonely people look for friends in talks and seminars. They go to these places hoping to connect with others … but places don’t create friends. Lonely people who act in needy ways may alienate healthier people.
What else can you do? First work on yourself … manage any negative emotions and learn how to be friendly.
Second, don’t expect friends to share your values. Friends are not your parents, employees, lovers or siblings. They may misunderstand you, hurt your feelings and let you down. Friends are not obliged to help you paint your garage nor lend you money. If you want lasting friendships, learn friendship skills.
The Friendship Vitamin is B1
If you are habitually depressed or anxious, maybe get counseling soon. One or more of us can be your professional friends as we coach you in friendship skills, but we cannot replace your real friends – people with whom you enjoy sharing your life.
Finding close friends takes time and effort. You can say “Yes” to more invitations, You can invite people yourself. You can avoid analyzing every outing you’re invited to. You can also avoid judging people, if you want to find more potential friends.
Contact us to manage your emotions and solve relationship problems