Table of Contents
You’re Dead Right © Martyn Carruthers 1998
We offer online help and mentorship about death and dying, grief,
bereavement and relationships with people whose bodies have died.
I once wrote a program so that my computer would randomly display human ideas. It might display, “I will do what you ask but not what you want“, or “I will remember this moment forever“, or even “I love you“. Sometimes it displayed “I didn’t ask you to write me” or “Don’t switch me off – I don’t want to die“.
Just because I have no body … does that mean we cannot have a relationship?
Of course – it was only a computer programmed to display words. However interesting the messages – however co-incidental or synchronous – it was just a machine following a program … not at all like you or me. We have free choice … don’t we?
Is Death a part of Life?
We are all initiates into the mysteries of death. On a day very much like today, your heart will stop beating. Your body will exhale – and will never again inhale. You will close your eyes – perhaps knowing that you will not open them again. Whether in an accident, or at an old folks home, or in a hospital … your body will die.
If your parent dies, you may lose your past; if your partner dies, you may lose your present but if your child dies, you lose your future. Martyn
Since my mother died a year ago, I felt haunted. It’s like she floated over me, worrying about me and criticizing me if I didn’t do things her way. I felt like I was going crazy – but after a few sessions with you I felt more peaceful and relaxed. Los Angeles
Is your life Precious?
Perhaps life is more precious because death is certain. Probably you don’t want to die – probably you want to survive – but sometimes the price of your own life is too high. You may risk your life to protect your family – or your community – or a child – or your government – or a stranger – or even a pet.
People don’t die … only bodies die.
Our bodies live just as long as they live, and not a day more.
Would you willingly die for your beliefs? For your family? For an elected politician? For your boss? Or would you die to avoid the suffering of NOT protecting something precious to you. Some people facing chronic pain may prefer death. See my articles on Long Term Pain Relief and Pain Coaching.
No-one is sure where you were before you were born, but when you were born, you arrived with your return ticket already punched. Terry Pratchett
Can suicide cross generations?
Some mournful people seem to communicate that “life does not make sense“. Suicidal people have told me that their desire to die may be related to a relative’s suicide. It seems that if a parent suicides, at least one of the children will suffer suicidal fantasies, and a grand-child may also suicide – continuing a cycle.
What really happens after death?
What do you believe happens when your body dies? What do you know for sure?
- Your genes will continue in the bodies of your descendents
- Your values will continue in any projects that you commence
- Your memories will continue in the minds of those who knew you
Scientists may tell you about their observations of what will happen to a body after death. Philosophers may tell you about what happens to your sense of self after death. Religious people may tell you their ideas about rebirth, afterlife and punishment.
Faith is believing what you know is not true (heard in Canada)
Most Christians and Muslims believe that a soul will continue to exist after death in a limbo, heaven or hell. Most Buddhists and Hindus believe that a soul will reincarnate after death into another body. Atheists may believe that they have no souls, and the dead can never live again. Agnostics can truthfully say that they don’t know.
Do you answer questions about death with your beliefs? No one can prove what happens to you – or even if there is a you for anything to happen to. There are many theories.
Soul as Spiritual Identity
People who believe that they have, or are, a spiritual identity, and that when their bodies die, their spiritual identities continue. Some people believe that certain behaviors or beliefs can guide their spiritual identity to eternal bliss. They may also believe that if their behavior does not meet some standard, that their spiritual identity can suffer – perhaps for eternity.
Near-Death Experiences (NDE)
As a child, I was pushed into a swimming pool long before I could swim. I remember looking up and seeing people swimming … and then looking down and seeing people swimming – and a crowd of people around a child’s body. And I recall “coming back” into that young boy’s body – coughing and choking. My memories seem quite real.
Many people have described near-death experiences. Their bodies almost died and yet continued to live. These people can describe near-death experiences (NDE), which seem to indicate that life continues after death, as so many descriptions of NDE are similar.
Some people who have experienced near-death say that NDE are real, while some scientists say that NDE is a physiological reaction of a human mind undergoing existential stress. Who really knows?
Descriptions of past-life experiences seem to reveal memories from before birth. Past-life experiences seem to indicate the continuation of life from before birth to after death, either as reincarnation, or as memories are accessible in some separate reality.
When people describe past-life memories, I often help those people manage trauma or relationship problems within those memories. In this way we can manage emotions and resolve stress disorders – whether or not the past-life memories are real or whether or not they are metaphors of some repressed trauma in this life.
Identification with a Dead Person (DPI)
Some people unconsciously identify with a dead family member – perhaps following a suicide, abortion or vanishing twin. I often help people manage identifications with dead people. A few signs I associate this are:
- Often expresses melancholy
- Mournful withdrawal from people
- Many abstractions and justifications
- May appear to have psychic sensitivity
- Says that happiness is only possible after death
- Increased risk of miscarriages, stillbirth and infertility
- Guilt – being alive may not make sense if an important person died
Sometimes a little girl claims me. She wants to be alive and real. Sometimes she overwhelms me. She wants to love and be loved. Although she is young, I feel she’s my twin sister. People call me crazy if I tell them, so usually I don’t. Hawaii
Contact us if you want to end entanglements with dead people