Solutions for Parenting Problems © Martyn Carruthers

Online Help for People with Relationship Problems

Are you entangled in difficult relationships or negative emotions?
Do you want to untangle your emotions and solve relationship problems?

Emotional Incest – A True Story

Many teenage girls suffer the consequences of a father-daughter-mother triangle in which a father’s over-expressed love for the daughter may motivate a mother to reject both her daughter and her husband. (Such parents are often survivors of covert emotional incest – whose parents loved their children inappropriately).

This is a true story – these excerpts of conversations are mildly edited and posted with permission.

Troubled Teenagers & Silent Screams

… My father loves me but my mother disapproves of everything I do. She rejects me and she calls me depressed and hyperactive and worse … I don’t know what I did to hurt her – and I hurt too … no matter how much sex, booze or grass, my hurt comes back …
when I’m alone, I cry and scream. Sometimes I cut or burn myself.
Pain helps me feel calm … for a while. I feel that I have no future … I’m 17 years old

Teenage girls who feel rejected by their mothers react in many predictable ways. In our experience, these girls often …

  • stay thin – sometimes anorexic
  • take prescription anti-depressants
  • use or have used illegal drugs heavily
  • have cuts or cigarette burns on their arms
  • have self-inflicted piercing with unusual studs
  • prefer garish make-up – often shades of purple

… a few months ago I tried to kill myself. But my best friend phoned the police. When they saw my wrists, they knew I’d tried to kill myself before. They gave me antidepressants and a suicide watch. At least they cared that much.

Although we find that depression usually reflects relationship issues, a common solution for depression is medication. The more expensive anti-depressants are SSRI – selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors such as Zoloft, Prozac or Paxil. These drugs increase serotonin in the brain. But if depression reflects relationship problems, then drugs, legal or illegal, are unlikely to heal relationships.

Common Side Effects of SSRI Anti-Depressants

  • Headaches
  • Drowsiness
  • Tremors
  • Nausea
  • Upset stomach
  • Diarrhea
  • Heavy sweating
  • Disturbed sleep
  • Decreased libido

Many older, cheaper anti-depressants are MAOI (MonoAmine Oxidase Inhibitors), with worse side effects. MAO inhibitors such as Nardil, Parnate and Marplan may be prescribed when other drugs fail. (Google the side effects of MAOI anti-depressants).

Ritalin, an amphetamine, is a drug of choice for hyperactivity and attention deficit disorders. Side effects of Ritalin include irritability, anger and loss of appetite.

Many depressed survivors of emotional incest medicate themselves with alcohol, nicotine and illegal drugs. You may despise these people as addicts … unless you can hear their silent screams for help.

Attachment Disorders & Relationship Bonds

Covert emotional incest can generate limiting beliefs and behaviors that can affect all aspects of life. We offer coaching solutions for:

  • Behaviors: defiant, impulsive, destructive, lies and steals, aggressive and abusive, hyperactive, self-destructive, cruel, irresponsible
  • Emotions: intense anger, sadness, depressed, hopeless, moody, anxious
  • Thoughts: limiting beliefs, poor friendship skills, attention and learning problems
  • Relationships: no trust, controlling, manipulative, unstable relationships
  • Physical: poor hygiene, accidents, dissociated, depressed, hyperactive
  • Moral/Spiritual: lack of compassion, remorse, meaning, identifies with darkness

Psychoactive edication is a popular way to manage (but not cure) these symptoms. Medication hides symptoms and is often recommended by medical authorities.

Teenage Sex

… Last year I started having sex with my social worker. He told me that he would teach me about sex. He is gentle. He has other young girls – he said he doesn’t want a girl over 18.
He wants two or three of his girls together but I said no to that. I don’t know why.

Sexual intercourse with many partners increases the risk of pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases and damaged reproductive health. Studies show that girls who start having sex at young ages often have many sexual partners. Also, teenage girls who have sex with more than one partner over a few weeks are more likely to smoke, drink alcohol, use illegal drugs and / or sniff glue.

These behaviors are likely to hurt a girl’s health, education, sport abilities, future partnership and / or future children, unless the underlying emotions are assimilated and any trauma or abuse resolved.

… I know lots of girls who are like me but my best friend is more stable.
We sometimes sleep together … people call us bisexual but our boyfriends say its OK. We go to a girl’s boarding school … some days its more like a mental hospital for rich girls. Some of us will only go to university if our parents bribe somebody … or if we seduce somebody … it happens a lot.

Medication is not the only way. We help people manage relationship problems, although people who have not witnessed our work can rarely imagine that such fast, effective solutions are even possible.

We Help Parents Help Children

Adolescents and teenagers who feel abandoned or rejected by their parents may become sad, anxious or angry if asked about their goals or their lives. They may:

  • avoid finishing projects
  • be unable to specify goals
  • express powerful limiting beliefs
  • distract themselves with obsessions
  • express anxiety and strong emotions
  • offer endless excuses for their behavior

 Contact us to solve emotional and relationship problems.

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