7 Steps To Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone

Escape from Freedom

Many people admire and envy birds. We would love to have that lightness and freedom of movement. Gravity keeps us trapped in our own bodies. But more than that, the feeling of constraint arises when you are afraid to get out of your comfort zone.

For similar reasons, many people admire and envy adventurers, people who break the rules, and even notorious crooks and criminals. These people claim a freedom that most people give up.

It is good to give up some of these freedoms, of course—otherwise the whole world would be on the verge of becoming a war zone. It’s a shame that we more often and more loudly admire people who violate social rules and expectations in crude and selfish ways than those who do so creatively and inconspicuously, by simply refusing to fit in.

Unwritten rules and expectations can be insanely petty, especially when you look back a little. In Europe a few centuries ago, wearing the wrong color could be interpreted as an insult to people of higher social status. These same high-status people had to follow highly ritualized rules of conduct to avoid being perceived as unsophisticated. Today we have more freedom and less concern about status, but most people still do not dare, for example, to dress a little more unusually, to clearly express disagreement or to spontaneously express emotions.

Fear of judgment

Often, it is the kindest, nicest people who fear the judgment or ridicule that stepping out of their comfort zone might attract. Many people are afraid of what others will think of them if they go to a restaurant or a concert alone. If they cry in public. If they initiate communication with strangers. Even if they express love.

The fear of being judged by others is an expression of the natural desire for cooperation and togetherness. The more empathy a person has for others, the more importance they attach to the opinions and feelings of others. Empathy makes society better. However, an unhealthy family or society can turn a child’s empathy to their detriment.

This kind of “training” starts at a young age: the child expresses emotions, and the parent silences them because they don’t even know how to deal with their own emotions. The child expresses love, and the parent feels uncomfortable reciprocating. The child wants to wear a flashy color, or two different shoes, and the parent says: “No, what will other people say?”

Some parents sabotage not only the child’s emotions and creativity, but also their child’s intellect. They may get scared if the child asks too many smart questions, so they punish them for being “insolent” or belittle them with something like “come on, stop philosophizing nonsense!” Sometimes even just an uncomfortable expression or a strange look from the parent is enough to discourage the child. An empathetic child trusts their parents more than themselves.

It continues on the playground, where the rougher and more aggressive children, those with less empathy, usually dominate. Many others follow their example and lead, so as not to be attacked themselves. If a child shows emotional sensitivity, they will often be ridiculed. Groups of children usually actively or passively encourage everyone to fit into the mold. Similar “boxing in” occurs in institutions among adults.

When the worst people make the rules

Boxing in is not the worst thing. The vast majority of human ideologies, social systems, institutions, and even families, are relatively quickly dominated by their unhealthiest, most aggressive members. Not always the most physically aggressive, because people rebel faster against that, but rather those who are the most skilled at manipulation and persuasion. If they are also ready for physical aggression, it is even easier for them to get others to submit or at least remain silent.

Once they have established their dominance, such leaders, of course, want to maintain it. The more they are aware that their status and influence are based on deception and are not really deserved, the more they will be bothered by any expression of freedom in the behavior and thinking of others. Then they begin to create ever more petty restrictions and more aggressive punishments. Since they are usually skilled at manipulation, they manage to get enough people to follow suit. Such rules can become social or family traditions. Many people seek a sense of security in tradition, so they do not question it.

Thus, depending on the part of the world, we have come up with rules like “it is not okay to say no directly,” “younger people should not contradict older people,” or “you must wait for three offers before accepting,” or “women must cover any part of their body that someone might like,” or “men do not cry,” and these examples are, of course, just a drop in the ocean. Even subcultures that form in resistance to tradition often develop their own rigid rules and reject nonconformists within their own ranks.

How to Deprogram Yourself

You may have been given some kinds of freedom as a child, but you were denied others. Perhaps your parents approved of physical movement and exploration, but not intellectual creativity. Or they encouraged your intellect but belittled your emotions. Maybe they nurtured your artistic spirit but sabotaged your entrepreneurship. They may have even encouraged all of the above, but they didn’t let you say “no”.

Each of us is free in some ways, and in some ways trapped in our own minds. Sometimes something inspires us and we feel the urge for more freedom – but that impulse is often quickly diluted in a sea of ​​established habits. You may say to yourself “I need to get out of my comfort zone” but you don’t know how.

Let me mention this, by the way – since some people tend to take things too literally: I’m not advocating for extremes. I believe in balance. Our freedom is always limited by the freedom and well-being of others. I don’t want this article to be taken as a license for selfish or reckless behavior.

I’m talking about the freedom to express individuality when it doesn’t endanger others – in situations where people have become too uniform, too eager to follow the crowd. I’m talking about freedom from meaningless stereotypes and from that inner voice that says, “But other people don’t do it like that,” oppure “This is nice to see in others, but I couldn’t do it.” Even when there’s no objective reason for anyone to judge you, some strange discomfort can still hold you back.

Of course, children shouldn’t be allowed to do everything. They need to learn how to balance their needs with those of others and to develop discipline. If parents don’t help with that, the child will either struggle themselves or make others around them suffer later.

Here are some tips on how to learn to get out of your comfort zone:

1. Know yourself.

Parents and society often teach children to suppress their emotions and disconnect from parts of themselves. A person who grows up this way may live mechanically, following others’ expectations instead of finding their own path. They might not even feel what they truly want. Even those with a strong sense of self can have hidden, suppressed desires or emotions.

Of course, we don’t need to obey every impulse – not all of them are realistic – but it’s often the beautiful, healthy ones that get buried. The more aware you are of what’s happening inside, the better decisions you can make. It becomes easier to be your own friend.
The increasingly popular method of mindfulness focuses on developing this awareness. I’ve created a guided exercise for that purpose here. 

2. Start slowly.

Don’t push yourself into the deep end right away. If you’re afraid of conflict, you don’t need to start by telling your boss everything that bothers you. Try a small complaint at a restaurant first.
If you have social anxiety, you don’t need to organize a public speech tomorrow – just start by smiling at a passerby. If you’re uncomfortable drawing attention to yourself, don’t force yourself to sing or dance in the street. But if that does appeal to you, maybe join a group that does street performances. It’s easier to dilute discomfort when you’re in a group.

3. Accept discomfort.

We often treat emotional discomfort like danger – something we need to escape. But emotions are not dangerous. They’re a source of information – though often about the past, not the present.
If you allow yourself to sit calmly with discomfort, you may find it’s easier to bear than you expected. You don’t have to believe everything discomfort tells you. Remind yourself that it’s likely a leftover from childhood conditioning.

4. Calm your inner child.

Fear, shame, guilt, and other inhibiting emotions often originate in childhood. They may no longer be realistic – and even when we know this, we still can’t always shake them.
Try imagining such emotions as a younger part of yourself that is stuck in the past and doesn’t know the present reality. Offer that part compassion, explain what’s really going on. Don’t let outdated childhood feelings steer the ship.

5. Allow yourself to make mistakes.

Many people sabotage their creativity because they expect excellence from the start. But it’s far more freeing to approach art as a game or an experiment rather than a performance.
If you want to be more humorous or expressive, focus on feeling and playfulness, not on impressing others.
If you want to express your emotions more freely, that too takes practice – and in the beginning, it won’t always go perfectly.
That said, don’t take this idea too far. Don’t make deliberately extravagant mistakes or ignore your own instincts and common sense.

6. Surround yourself with inspiring people.

Many people feel safest around those who are similar to them. But what if those people are stuck in the same conditioning as you? In that case, they may not support your growth – and could even sabotage it.
On the other hand, if someone does inspire you, you might worry that they won’t find voi interesting. But people who walk their own path are often a bit lonely themselves – they’re not necessarily expecting others to impress them.
If they get to feel warmth, honesty, or shared experience with you, that may be more than enough.

7. Seek a stimulating environment.

Whatever aspect of yourself you want to grow, you’re not alone.
Maybe no one in your current surroundings encourages you – but that doesn’t mean others like you don’t exist. Join groups, take courses related to your interests. In-person is ideal, but even online can make a big difference.

I hope this article brought you at least a little inspiration and motivation. It’s never too late to enrich your life with new emotions and experiences! Just remember: even though the journey of a thousand steps begins with the first one – one step alone is not enough. Keep going. Even just one step a day is enough to change your path.

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