from Q&A section
Answer:
Anger/resentment usually has 3 main causes (not mutually exclusive):
- you feel your well-being is objectively threatened, and anger is a source of energy to protect yourself. If that person is still your boyfriend and not an ex, it might be good to question if the anger is warning you to potential danger you might be ignoring. Is he showing genuine regret and works on himself to change whatever caused him to hurt you? If not, your anger is probably giving you a realistic warning.
- you feel imbalance (injustice) was created and not yet restored. Sometimes it’s not possible to restore it directly, especially if the relationship is in the past. Still, what you can do to restore the sense of balance is to let that experience teach you and motivate you enough that your life ends up significantly happier because of it, than if that experience never happened.
If you are still in a relationship with that man, consider talking to him about your feeling of imbalance, and how can it be restored. Share your ideas and ask for his, too. - there are other emotions hiding under the resentment, such as sense of inadequacy, humiliation, shame, guilt, unresolved grief and anything you might feel too painful to face. Some of those emotions might stem from further back in childhood, and the hurt you experienced in the relationship with your ex only added another layer. It’s very common that we repeat the hurt experienced with our parents in our adult love relationships (see also: Patterns in Love Relationships). To let go of resentment, you need to feel good about yourself, and to do that, you need to recognize and heal whatever emotions are hiding beneath it. We can help you with our online coaching.
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