Come essere resilienti in tempi incerti: 7 aspettative e 8 strategie

My nature is cautiously optimistic. Like many people, I used to believe that our society was mostly stable and that much of the worst violence was a thing of the past. I imagine many people felt the same and saw no need to learn how to be resilient. Even when war was raging in my country (Croatia) during my childhood, I thought that most people were misguided and manipulated. Some of them certainly were – years later, I read this quote from an anonymous former Serbian soldier: “Ho sprecato la mia giovinezza e la mia salute combattendo per le ambizioni imperiali di avidi psicopatici, credendo sempre di proteggere il mio amato Paese.”

As years went by, I slowly realized that the war was most likely desired and partly instigated by our own politicians, too, whose plan, it seems, was to plunder the country, enrich themselves, and install a new structure of power while the nation was struggling for bare survival. And that’s exactly what they did. Many people were angry, but the majority saw them as those who brought us independence, so they kept those politicians in power to this day.

Ero pieno di ottimismo quando è apparso Internet, credendo che la maggiore conoscenza e le prospettive più ampie che offriva avrebbero reso il mondo un posto migliore.

On the other hand, most of my adult life has been a very slow, gradual realization that the values I grew up with and believe in are not necessarily shared by all—or even most—people. A significant number of people, yes, but perhaps not enough.

As a student, I believed that empathy is basic common sense and natural to everyone, and that if some people don’t show it, it’s due to fear or childhood trauma. This is certainly true for a significant number of people. However, later I came to realize that empathy has a fondazione biologica (“mirror neurons” for example), and biological traits vary among individuals. Empathy follows a “bell curve” distribution just like many other human traits. Unless we find a way to genetically modify that (which would be a risky practice with great potential for corruption and abuse), this is unlikely to change.

Anche le persone con un'empatia media possono essere facilmente manipolate emotivamente o disinformate, soprattutto se questo condizionamento inizia nell'infanzia. Inoltre, è improbabile che questa situazione cambi nel prossimo futuro.

It’s difficult to witness ideologies that openly and gleefully dehumanize women and other social and biological minorities spreading like wildfire through social media. It’s painful to realize how many people (even from diverse demographics) would enjoy making me, among many others, into a domestic servant and breeding stock, completely negating our value, intelligence, or historical achievements despite countless obstacles. Those people claim we should be happy to accept treatment they would never tolerate. It’s difficult to see even economic troubles being blamed on us rather than on corporate greed.

It’s also hard to be told that our groups are at fault for not being understanding and compassionate enough toward people with such ideologies—especially when we grew up suffering from those ideologies. I am aware, of course, that there are extremes and overly angry generalizations on the left, and I have called them out. But I hoped that we wouldn’t have to be 100% perfect for our basic humanity to be acknowledged, and for our wishes for freedom and equality, as well as our traumas, to be understood. Every group of people has its immature, unwise and malicious members; that doesn’t make the whole group inhuman.

However, at this point, we can’t count on enough compassion. Even if many hateful people are more misguided than truly malicious, consequences don’t care about intentions. The reality is that democracy and human rights are under the most intense and widespread assault we’ve seen in our lifetimes. We need to consider how to prepare for this.

Once, I was preparing for a trip to a developing country—not too dangerous, but not easy to backpack through. During my research, I read a quote that shocked me at the time: “Be aware: it is a common attitude of the local culture to see kindness and politeness as weaknesses to exploit. Don’t expect people to believe in the same values you do.”

At that time, I believed that such an attitude was an aberration—a result of childhood trauma and a difficult life. Again, this is true for many people, and there is potential for better in most of us. But there also seems to be a biological component. This appears true for people with low empathy in every society. History shows how often such an attitude prevails, especially when people live in poverty that makes them desperate.

And we can certainly expect more widespread poverty as workers’ rights and protections for vulnerable groups fall prey to corporate greed. Unfortunately, poverty by itself doesn’t lead people to make better decisions or foster compassion. Some countries show that people end up choosing one extreme leader after another. Those leaders lead them into even more poverty and might also lead them into war as a distraction.

Another quote that stayed with me is, “Weeds grow much faster than flowers.” Meaning, generalization is easy. Choosing simple and brutal but ineffective solutions is easy. Seeing a complex, long-term, compassionate perspective requires much more work.

Ecco alcune cose che mi aspetto e alcuni lati positivi:

1. As things get tougher, don’t expect people who chose authoritarian leaders to acknowledge their mistakes. It’s difficult for most people to do so, and the propaganda and manipulation that brought them to this point will continue as strongly as before. Besides, authoritarian leaders are likely to sabotage true democracy in the future.

2. Alcune persone, come in ogni periodo storico, si affolleranno al potere e saranno disposte a mantenere il controllo degli oligarchi in cambio di un trattamento un po' migliore.

3. However, corporations will eventually face two major problems. One is that when people are poor, they can’t buy products and thus make corporations richer. The other is that already falling birth rates will likely decrease further, as more people can’t afford children. This will create both a shortage of workers and consumers. Will the oligarchs in the USA be content with reduced income in exchange for power, as in Russia? Or will they betray their voters by increasing immigration, or will they increase efforts to force women to give birth? I don’t know enough about their mindset to tell.

4. La società statunitense è caratterizzata da un forte isolamento e da un estremo individualismo, per cui molte persone vulnerabili avranno inizialmente poco o nessun sostegno. Tuttavia, la necessità spinge la creatività e Internet rende più facile connettersi e trovare nuovi modi per aiutarsi a vicenda. Un numero maggiore di persone potrebbe apprezzare la solidarietà e la cooperazione.

5. Sarà difficile sottomettere nuovamente le donne, perché le famiglie non possono più sopravvivere con un solo stipendio. Sia le aziende che le famiglie non potranno permettersi di tenere le donne fuori dalla forza lavoro, negando loro l'indipendenza.

6. Nature (including human societies) always seeks balance, though it is never fully in balance. This is part of evolution. Every action has a reaction, and extremes are often followed by (unfortunately) the opposite extremes. I’m unsure, though, how long such a cycle will take, how brutal it will be, or even what the sustainable balance is.

7. There’s a possibility that enough people in other countries, observing the consequences of oligarchy in the USA, will see the need to avoid extreme ideologies and solutions, and will also recognize the risks of naivety and complacent idealism.

Come essere resilienti: strategie e consigli

1. “Survival of the fittest” does not mean survival of the physically strongest or the most intelligent but of the most adaptable and creative. Therefore, it’s wise to “hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.” Think about ways to adapt if things truly worsen—or even before. Consider how to protect yourself from physical violence, reduce expenses in case of poverty, and learn new skills, for example.

2. Nelle società umane, la sopravvivenza e il benessere dipendono anche dalla cooperazione e dal sostegno reciproco. Prendete in considerazione la possibilità di creare comunità utili, offline o online. La scienza dimostra che aiutare gli altri in genere aumenta la felicità. Tuttavia, è bene conoscere i propri limiti e circondarsi di persone che ricambiano. Alcune persone potrebbero cercare di sfruttare tali comunità o diffondere ideologie estreme, quindi siate pronti a chiamarle fuori.

3. Loving yourself and being compassionate to your emotions always eases pain. Acknowledge your emotions and love them, but don’t let them overwhelm you. Talk to them as you would to a child in pain, with compassion but also a broader perspective.

4. Quando le persone cercano di metterci in difficoltà, possono influenzarci inconsciamente, anche se non ne siamo consapevoli. Assicuratevi di contrastare questo impatto malevolo costruendo consapevolmente l'autostima in voi stessi e negli altri.

5. Lasciate che il dolore emotivo vi ispiri. Lasciate che vi mostri ciò che apprezzate di più nella vita e vi motivi a prendere iniziative.

6. Il dolore a volte ci rende sospettosi e scortesi. La cautela è necessaria, ma evitate di cedere alle generalizzazioni e all'odio, o di scagliarvi contro gli altri. La maleducazione peggiora le cose per tutti, compresi noi stessi. Comunicate con i vostri avversari politici in modo strategico e ponderato, anziché ricorrere a sminuizioni e insulti, che non danno mai i risultati sperati.

7. Physically fighting against one’s own nation is difficult and makes things even worse. However, peaceful civil disobedience may be a option in certain situations and communities. Read about 1975 Icelandic women’s strike, per esempio.

8. Even during tough times, there is still plenty of potential for love and joy. Love and joy found in community and solidarity are much more profound than those found in social media, shopping, video games, or similar distractions. Don’t wait for others to reach out to you—take the initiative to reach out to them.

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