为什么需要指责受害者？

When you read about people in trouble, or victims of violence or political circumstances… do you mentally find reasons why such things wouldn’t happen to you? “I’d do differently in such a situation…”, “In her place, I’d try to escape…”, “That’s just how those people are, why don’t they fight against oppression…”, or a popular idea among New Age groups, “They probably brought it onto themselves by their negative thoughts!”

指责受害者是人类常见的自动行为。 defense strategy – an attempt to override our own fears and create a feeling that we are not another potential victim of circumstances. The feeling that we, too, might be out of control over our own lives is frightening and it’s a natural need to try to avoid it, even if the logic required is extremely subjective.

可悲的是，结果往往是对暴力受害者（有时甚至是事故受害者）的微妙或根本不微妙的指责，而对 侵略者的责任可以被忽视，甚至被主动削弱.我们需要避免恐惧、 we don’t want to give too much power or attention to an aggressor; we don’t want to feel that in a similar situations, we would probably end up as a victim too. We want to feel that we would be stronger, more “special”, so we seek ideas which would make us feel that a victim’s fate was avoidable in a specific situation, but the person involved must have made some wrong decisions to end up like that.

有时候，是的，受害者会犯错。但是 who doesn’t make mistakes? 在你的生活中，如果你信任的人原来不值得信任，你是否会受到伤害？(我知道我有过。)或者如果只是一个小细节出现了不同的结果？有多少次，你明知自己在冒险，却认为出事的几率足够小？ 如果你总是小心翼翼，你真的能过上充实的生活吗？

即使考虑到暴力在某种程度上是可以预测的，受害者可以做出选择，如家庭暴力，但总是存在以下情况 人们通常会忽略很多情况，比如成长经历和早期环境训练. How many people are brainwashed, by religion, bed-time stories and such, that “love conquers everything”, “self-sacrifice is noble” (sometimes it is, but not when there isn’t enough responsibility from the other side), or that compassion equals appeasement?

许多人 “learned helplessness” syndrome through family role-models or experience of direct abuse. Many learn it’s not acceptable to say “No”. Can any of us claim that we have fully gotten rid of our own families’ beliefs and traditions? For a person who grew up in an abusive family, abuse can appear normal and inevitable. They might not be aware of what else is possible, they might perceive it as unavailable, or they might believe that other people are just pretending to be happy.

因此，出于避免自身恐惧的需要，我们可以 给已经够痛苦的人们带来更多的痛苦. We can be arrogant to people who experienced injustice, betrayal or violence. “Couldn’t you see the 红旗?” Of course there were red flags, but who of us pays serious attention to every single red flag in our relationships with others? If we all did so, we’d avoid the rest of humanity most of the time. Even our doubts sometimes need to be doubted.

我们无法避免这种心理防御策略，但我们可以认清它们的本质. We can consciously give voice to the compassionate and responsible parts of us. Imagine, for example, that your son or daughter are in distress, or your love partner, best friend… how would you think then? What would you do? This kind of attitude can not only help us avoid hurting an unfortunate person even more, it can motivate us to make the world better. Victim blaming is easy. Compassion requires emotional maturity.

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