Emotional Logic: 6 Essential Rules

We tend to expect ourselves and others to behave in a sensible, rational manner. Yet under stress, most people behave irrationally. When our emotions are not triggered, it’s easy to see reason. But when something activates our childhood memories, a different set of rules begins to influence our behavior. We can call this “emotional logic.”

Emotional logic can feel convincing, even inevitable, because it once helped us make sense of situations we couldn’t fully understand. But over time, it becomes a quiet architect of our reactions, relationships, and self-image—often without us even noticing. What feels like “just the way things are” is more likely to be a deeply ingrained childish perception of reality that continues to shape our behavior long after the original context is gone.

最近、私が担当したクライアントの言葉だ：

“I don’t value myself, so if a girl falls in love with me, I automatically respect her less.”

少し考えさせてほしい。この一文に、実質的に小説一冊分が詰まっているのだ（立派な自覚と誠実さもある）。

Emotional logic influences our behavior vastly more than any rational knowledge. In fact, more often than not, 人は感情的な衝動を正当化するために理性的な頭を使う.

Too bad that emotional logic is often based on our childhood impressions in combination with our instincts and hormones. It makes perfect sense in a certain simplified way, but it narrows things down to a very limited, exaggerated and generalized perspective. Then it branches out, coloring our impressions and conclusions about our new experiences.

いくつか例を挙げよう：

“I associate love with violence – so if somebody offers me love and attention, I become irritated and push them away, sometimes by verbal violence, even if I love them. Partly because I’m frightened, partly perhaps because aggression is allowed in close relationships, in my frame of mind.”

“My girlfriend was controlling and manipulative – but no matter how much I disliked it, that’s what made me feel safe and able to relax and let go of my own need for control. It’s like I felt 誰か had to control things, so better her than me, because I didn’t feel competent enough.”

“My mother used to tell me about my alcoholic father, “You are the only one who can solve this!” However, I didn’t dare even try to help father, because I felt I would have failed and thus taken away my mother’s hope. Now, as adult, I feel blocked when encountering problems – I’m afraid if I try, I will find out how much I don’t know – and I’m supposed to know it.”

“As a child, I needed to believe that I was the cause of my parents’ fights – otherwise I would have felt even less important. I wanted at least something going on around me, some emotions expressed, even if unpleasant. Now I find that I feel somehow comfortable and even in a weird way comforted within relationship chaos and emotional pain.”

いくつか一般的なものがある。 規則 感情的な論理に：

• • 子どもは世話人を信頼する そして彼らに同調する

• • 子供たち 大切な人間関係を保とうとする多くの場合、自分自身の個性や自己イメージを犠牲にすることになる。

• • 子供の傾向 せきにんをもってはたす 理解できないもののために

• • 辛い感情から身を守るために、子どもたちは 防衛機制 (怒り、回避、執着、操作、その他数え切れないほどの可能性）。

• • これらのパターンは その後の経験のフィルター

• 問題のある状況で、私たちの脳は 子供時代に一番うまくいったと思われる行動に頼る。

These basic rules, interacting with individual experiences and circumstances, often create convoluted yet still rather predictable consequences, not unlike fractals created by mathematical equations.  That’s why exploring our deepest imprints together feels like science and art in the same time.

関連記事

感情の成熟

自分の気持ちとの親密さ

すべての記事 

オンラインコーチング 

YouTubeチャンネル