感情的恐喝を見分けるには？

マニピュレーションの定義からして、その前提は以下の通りである。 カバート する 他人をコントロールする通常、事実を捻じ曲げたり、誤解を招くような言葉を使ったりする。 正直なコミュニケーションとの区別が難しい. That’s why people are often confused whether they might be manipulated or not. In fact, it’s not uncommon for manipulators to accuse their victims of manipulation – which, of course, is just another form of manipulation.

とりわけ、人間関係において何が普通なのか、人々はしばしば混乱する。 When is a demand or even an ultimatum appropriate and “legitimate”, and when is it manipulative? It’s not always easy to distinguish, but it’s easy to superficially label any ultimatum as blackmail. Here are some guidelines how to distinguish between them.
 

の兆候 感情的恐喝:

– by inducing unpleasant emotions (guilt, pity, fear…), a manipulator 自分の感情や決断に対する責任を回避しようとするという責任もある。 はっきりと正直に伝える.(あらゆる種類の 被害者意識 や大声での自己憐憫が良い例である)。責任転嫁は感情的な恐喝の核心であり、交渉のバランスを崩す方法である。時には、怠慢や利己主義を隠すために恐喝が使われることもある。

– threats of 不釣り合いな結果, usually in terms of emotional pain, for minor faults, disagreements or decisions. Example: “Granny will be so sad if you don’t do this!” (threatening guilt). the manipulator tries to make the other person feel bad, usually through 恥、非難、拒絶の脅し, i.e.: “How can you do this to your mother who sacrificed so much for you?” Or, I had a grandfather who, when I’d call him and tell him who I was, used to answer the phone and keep silent for quite a while, after which he’s usually say “Who is that? I don’t know your name”, until I explained to him that the more he played such games, the less I’d be motivated to even phone him, let alone see him.

– a (covertly) dismissive attitude toward the target’s personal boundaries and integrity, and 配慮と共感の欠如 for the target’s emotions and needs (and sometimes for collateral victims, too – such as a divorced parent using the love for children to blackmail the other parent)

– the attitude of demeaning the target’s whole personality rather than criticizing specific behavior (“it’s so selfish of you to…” rather than “I’m frustrated with your lack of consideration for…”). This is often expressed more through non-verbal communication than actual words.

– trying to evade or take away the target’s right to choose; offering one’s own perspective as the only possible option. The goal is to make it difficult for the targeted person to make a free and informed choice aligned with their own personality and integrity. (“If you move away, I’m sure I’ll get sick and die!”)

– exploiting the target’s ideals and qualities 共感力、責任感、義務感といったものを、不誠実な方法で。その上 被害者ゲームよくある例としては、ターゲットに好意を寄せておきながら(場合によっては頼まれもしないのに)、後でそのターゲットに責任を負わせるというものだ。 恩を仇で返す 彼らのニーズや境界線を傷つけるような方法で。例えば、若い男性の中には、女の子に何か好意を寄せれば、その女の子は自分にセックスの借りがあると考える人もいる。人を操る者は通常 彼らの要求が不釣り合いであることを知っているしかし、ターゲットがまだその好意を断るチャンスがあるうちは、決して前もってそれを公表することはない。かなりの数の 両親 子供を持つという自らの決断を、後に生かす 子供を脅迫する 彼らのために犠牲を払うように。 

もうひとつの例は、（たいていは同時に被害者を演じながら）誰かが自分を助けてくれたことを大げさに語り、ターゲットに恥をかかせて同じことをさせるというものだ。

のマーク 誠実かつ適切 要求や最後通牒だ：

– you express your requests, emotions and needs むざむざ (such as “I know you might not be aware of it, but here is why this is important to me…”)

– あなたを悩ませる特定の行動に焦点を当てる, rather than attacking someone’s personality (i.e. “when you keep making that noise, it creates more and more discomfort in me each time”)

– you clearly express that you are asking for something because it’s important to you personally, rather than it being an universal truth or right

– you determine realistic (moderate) and 適切な結果 if your demands are not fulfilled, and you are consistent in putting them into practice (if you don’t want to help me with the housework, then I won’t have time/energy/desire to spend the evening with you)

– 交渉に応じる理にかなっているなら

– 相手の選択を受け入れる意思がある 非難することなく、誠実に（相手と相容れないと判断した場合は関係を終わらせることも含めて）結果に向き合う。

Of course, it can be difficult to determine which consequences are appropriate for which behavior, especially if the criteria for acceptable or unacceptable behavior are unclear. That’s why you need to first 優先順位をはっきりさせる とニーズを明確にし、相手にもそれを伝える。もうひとつの良い基準は ノンバーバルコミュニケーション; is it victimy and blaming, or adult and calm? We all have instincts that tell us when someone’s non-verbal communication feels honest; use them.

Some people might be so used to emotional blackmail (it’s almost a part of the culture in some places) that they are 認識できない such behavior is not healthy or normal. They might act with strong conviction and non-verbal congruence even when they are avoiding responsibility. Insecure and pliable people might be swayed by such an attitude, so if you are among such people, you need to learn to trust your guts and common sense over somebody else’s confidence.

もし、あなたの生い立ちが罪悪感に満ちたものだったとしたら......。, you might have difficulties appreciating your own feelings and recognizing unhealthy demands and unhealthy guilt – after all, they were quite normal in your childhood. Still, most people have at least some 警告する本能 多くの場合、怒りや感情的な抵抗という形で、不健全な人々や操作について。自分自身の健全な感情と不健全な感情を区別することを学ぶ。 不快な感情に対処できるようになる (感情的な恐喝に抵抗できるようになるための第一条件である）練習をする。 自分の気持ちを観察する and check out the article “感情の成熟“.

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