Comment donner des conseils à votre partenaire sans vous disputer ?

photo par : cadre harirak

This article was inspired by a common question: “Is it appropriate to give your partner advice about what you’d like them to change?” Let’s explore how to give advice without making your partner upset:

Communiquer les limites et les désirs dans les relations

Une communication de qualité est essentielle lorsqu'il s'agit de donner des conseils à votre partenaire sur les changements de comportement. Il convient d'aborder les comportements qui vous blessent ou qui nuisent à votre qualité de vie. Vous avez le droit de communiquer vos limites et vos désirs avec respect. Cependant, les conseils non sollicités sont souvent pris pour des critiques et peuvent conduire à des conflits.

Lorsque vous abordez les changements de comportement de votre partenaire, concentrez-vous sur le comportement plutôt que de critiquer sa personnalité. Expliquez votre point de vue de manière amicale et non conflictuelle.

If you’re hoping for your partner to change something for their benefit rather than solely yours, tread carefully. Firstly, consider how it would feel to you if somebody tried to change you in ways you might not like. Then, I suggest you start with the question: ‘Would it be OK for you if I gave you some advice about this topic?’ Communicate why the change is important to you.

For example: ‘Could we talk about your health and would it be OK for you if I gave you some advice about it? This is important to me, because health problems could influence the quality of our relationship in the future.’

Validation

Listen to and validate your partner’s point of view. Try to understand what the behavior means to them. It could be a coping mechanism, a way to connect with family, or a source of comfort or security based on their past experiences. Consider their personality, upbringing, and communication style when offering advice. Ask your partner if there is a way you could help them that they would really appreciate.

How they will react to your advice depends on multiple factors: their personality, upbringing, and role models; your personality and communication style; the non-verbal message you convey; the nature of your advice; and whether your relationship is generally tense or full of trust. They don’t have to agree with you, but it doesn’t mean it’s OK for them to put you down or verbally attack you, for example.

Voir aussi Comment donner une validation émotionnelle lorsque l'on est critiqué ?

Trouver l'équilibre et le compromis dans une relation

If your partner doesn’t feel like doing what you suggest, avoid pressuring them. Remember they have the right to refuse you, and being in a relationship doesn’t mean they have to be exactly what you want, or vice versa. Some people seem to have a fairy-tale perception of intimate relationships, believing that in a successful relationship there is no disagreement, or even that for them to be happy, everything has to be their way. Such all-or-nothing perspective is counter-productive.

Rather than trying to change or control your partner, presume they will remain as they are, and re-examine the relationship. Is what you want them to change a condition for you to be happy in a relationship, or not? If it is, it might be better to cut your losses and leave sooner rather than later. If it isn’t, work on finding ways to accept them as they are. After all, being accepted for who they are is one of the most important desires in an intimate relationship for most people.

Si vous remarquez que des émotions fortes font surface en vous lorsque vous discutez de ce sujet avec votre partenaire, examinez-les de manière responsable. Sont-elles réalistes ? Ou peut-être sont-elles trop simples et puériles ? Vos inquiétudes sont-elles exagérées ? La situation vous rappelle-t-elle quelqu'un ou quelque chose de votre passé ? Réagissez-vous au passé au lieu de voir le présent sans préjugés ? (Voir aussi : Qu'est-ce que la régression de l'âge ?)

Conclusion

Remember that most advice will be perceived as criticism, even if mild. Giving advice requires sensitivity, empathy, and responsibility. It’s essential to address behaviors rather than personalities, to listen actively, and to respect each other’s autonomy. Ultimately, relationships thrive on acceptance and understanding, where both partners feel valued for who they are while also supporting each other’s growth.

En savoir plus :

10 règles clés pour la communication dans une relation

Qu'est-ce que la régression de l'âge ?

Comment donner une validation émotionnelle lorsque l'on est critiqué ?

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