Why Do I Act Childish When I Feel Insecure?

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Question: If I feel insecure or nervous, I start behaving like a child with my partner. It annoys him, but when I see that he is angry, I fall even more into that childish behavior. I remember that I used to do this before at work too. I don?t understand why my subconscious would think that I will achieve something by doing that. But my subconscious doesn?t think rationally, does it? Does this make sense to you?

Answer: Our childhood programming often drives us to do things that might seem nonsensical to a rational observer. Children don?t only learn from their parents; they also experiment with different behaviors and adopt those that yield most benefits with the least pain.

I assume that as a child, you experienced that authority figures would be more lenient and attentive towards you if you behaved childishly. For many people, childish behavior triggers parental instincts, and this can develop as a pattern of conscious or unconscious manipulation (your partner likely feels manipulated). You may derive some benefits from this ? concessions, sympathy, etc., but the cost is that people will not take you seriously and truly respect you.

It?s good that you?ve become aware of this. Practice being aware of the moments when the motivation for such behavior arises and consciously return to the mindset of an adult. If rational, voluntary effort is not enough to solve the problem, you will need to work with your inner child and address possible trauma.

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