“I Don’t Know What Do I Want!”

Our desires and goals motivate us towards self-fulfillment and increase our enjoyment of life. But not just that – recognizing goals and working on them are important in coaching and psychotherapy. Since emotional conditioning and limitations are primarily reflected through unbewusste Selbstsabotageoder die Person sich unfähig fühlt, wichtige Ziele zu verwirklichen, ist die Arbeit an Wünschen und Zielen oft der schnellste Weg, die Gefühle und Überzeugungen zu erkennen, die uns am meisten sabotieren. Insbesondere durch Konzentration auf Lebensziele wie eine gute intime Partnerschaft, Selbstwertgefühl, eine erfüllende Arbeit, können wir erkennen Sie die emotionalen Blockaden die unser Leben am meisten beeinflussen. Ihre Lösung bringt viele Vorteile, nicht nur im gewünschten Kontext, sondern auch in vielen anderen Bereichen des Lebens.

Yet sometimes clients just don’t know what they want! Sometimes they might recognize this as a critical issue that requires coaching. Mangel an Zielen doesn’t just cause routine, stagnant lives, it also indicates deep emotional blocks. It’s very unlikely that such people can be truly and deeply content with their lives, and they feel it too. Even if we were able to be completely satisfied with our lives and our emotional patterns, I believe that we can still grow and develop emotionally.

Fehlende Ziele gibt es in verschiedenen Varianten:

1. Die Kunden haben tatsächlich Wünsche, aber sie don’t dare to acknowledge them, oder sie don’t believe them attainable.

2. Der Kunde ist in innere Zerrissenheit über mehrere Auswahlmöglichkeiten.

3.Echte Unfähigkeit persönliche Wünsche und Ziele zu spüren oder zu erkennen.

Die ersten beiden Fälle sind normalerweise nicht schwer zu erkennen. Der erste erfordert die Arbeit an einschränkende Glaubenssätze  and emotions, perhaps including guilt or shame for having desires. (Under condition that the goals are healthy and don’t include or imply hurting other people.) Perhaps such a client was raised to take too much responsibility for other people and to put themselves last. Some people feel incapable or unworthy, and sometimes they believe that it is not possible to fulfill a certain desire. Sometimes this is true – we certainly cannot teach fleas to sing, for example. Still, even a seemingly unreachable goal can give us something to aspire to, something to dream of and motivate us (even if you only end up with fleas who start screaming at the sight of you).

Der zweite Fall, der innere Konflikt, kann auch durch einschränkende Überzeugungen verursacht werden, die die Menschen daran hindern, eine der gewünschten Entscheidungen zu treffen. Aber wenn die Wünsche scheinbar widersprüchlich und unvereinbar, it’s highly likely that this is caused by a deep identity conflict. In short, this is a conflict amongst false personalities created on the foundation of toxic beliefs. Such a pattern is often the Ergebnis eines Konflikts zwischen den Eltern when the client was a child – especially if the parents tried to make the child choose a side. Such a situation creates limiting beliefs and false, compensatory personality parts in the child, which make it seem impossible to achieve two different desires, even if, realistically, they are not mutually exclusive (love and freedom, for example). For more information, read the articles Komplexer Konflikt und Quantensprung des Bewusstseins

Identitätsverlust

The last possibility, true inability to express a goal, is not so common. Starting with a presumption that for a normal person it’s almost impossible not to have some wishes at least – wishes show us what is interesting and fulfilling to us, what takes us to the next step in our personal growth – I’d say that the most important cause of this issue is Ablehnung und Unterdrückung der wahren Persönlichkeitdie durch toxische Überzeugungen und Gewohnheiten ersetzt wird. Das trifft auch auf die ersten beiden Fälle zu, aber normalerweise nicht in diesem Ausmaß.

Vielleicht haben solche Menschen eine geringere Anzahl von Traumata erlebt, die jedoch so schwerwiegend waren, dass sie fast vollständig sich selbst aufgeben; or a longer period of milder, but consistent neglect and suppressing of the children’s personality, usually accompanied by “brain washing” and die Kinder daran hindern, ihren eigenen Weg im Leben zu wählen. Such people can spend all of their lives robotically following their parents’ beliefs or unfulfilled desires, without ever really considering what they truly want.

The solution of this issue requires resolving limiting beliefs and rediscovering and reintegrating the suppressed parts of personality. But this is not all. You will need to spend some time gently, but consistently exploring – Sich selbst wiederentdecken: your preferences, desires, interests towards particular topics or activities… very likely you will need to invest time in developing new habits and skills that you didn’t have a chance to learn before. But later is better than never.

Don’t expect yourself to know at once what will you want to do with the rest of your life. It’s enough to learn to Folgen Sie Ihrer inneren Führung von Tag zu Tag, from smaller desires towards life goals. While learning to live in this way, you develop an awareness that one day, perhaps when you least expect it, might reveal a true purpose of your life. Perhaps, by following your smaller wishes, you will spend some time collecting knowledge and developing skills that will help you later in life to create your life work – the skills that perhaps you wouldn’t have patience to practice, if you knew in advance what your life mission would be.

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