كيف تجد التوازن بين الاهتمام بما يعتقده الآخرون والأنانية؟

Question: Where is the middle ground between “stop caring about what others think” & “stop being so selfish”?

تصوير ليو مكلارين

الإجابة: إن كلاً من الاهتمام بما يعتقده الآخرون والأنانية هما جزء من تكويننا البيولوجي، بالإضافة إلى تربيتنا. فبعض الناس يولدون بمزيد من التعاطف والوعي الاجتماعي، والبعض الآخر يولدون بوعي اجتماعي أقل. أعتقد أن لدينا أيضًا شعورًا فطريًا بالتوازن بين احتياجاتنا واحتياجات الآخرين. ومع ذلك، يمكن للآباء غير الصحيين والمتلاعبين أن يجعلوا الأطفال يتجاهلون تلك الغريزة الفطرية وينسونها ولا يؤمنون بها.

لماذا نهتم بما يعتقده الآخرون؟

Caring for others’ opinions—even when those opinions are quite misguided—was crucial for prospering within a human community for hundreds of thousands of years. People who cooperated with others not only ensured their own survival; it also helped the survival and well-being of their offspring. Sometimes it was a matter of life and death—through most of human history, a person who was ostracized from a community could easily die. Only a few centuries ago, just being slightly strange or stepping on the wrong person’s toe could result in being burned at the stake. That’s a pretty strong motivation for caring about what others think!

On the other hand, selfishness could also result in a person gaining an advantage over others, ensuring their own and their children’s survival and prosperity. That’s why, as a species, we never lost it, despite the pressure to cooperate. Obviously, selfishness worked best for those who were stronger and more aggressive than the rest.

إيجاد التوازن

But let’s focus on a practical answer: your body will usually send you signals if you are out of balance in either direction. However, it can also send you signals of fear and confusion if you were punished or manipulated as a child to deny your own needs in favor of others. Some parents can instill fear in their children by often expressing their own fear of what others think. Therefore, it’s very important to observe yourself in order to learn to distinguish between a healthy warning of lack of balance in your body and unhealthy emotions that are the result of childhood programming.

If you find this difficult early on, this question might be good guidance: Is what I’m doing bringing more trouble to others than it is important to me?

For example, if you are running to catch a plane, it’s not selfish to cause minor discomfort to other people by asking them to let you jump the queue. If you are exhausted or sick, it’s not selfish to take a seat in public transport, even if there are older people around, as long as none of them seem to be in worse condition than you.

من ناحية أخرى، إذا قمت بتشغيل موسيقى صاخبة للغاية في منتصف الليل، فأنت تتسبب في إزعاج كبير بل ومشاكل صحية محتملة للكثير من الناس، في حين أن خفض صوت الموسيقى أو استخدام سماعات الرأس لن يقلل من استمتاعك بشكل كبير. إذا قمت بإغلاق الرصيف للدردشة مع صديق، فأنت تحبط الكثير من الناس بينما لا يكلفك الانتقال إلى الجانب شيئاً.

There are also plenty of situations in which all people involved might have strong needs and desires, in which case finding an answer is not so straightforward. But as long as you are honestly looking for balance, you don’t have to worry that you are being selfish.

If you’re often troubled by what others think, remember that it may be the result of excessive social control over many generations. On the other hand, if others tell you that you’re selfish, it might be useful to sometimes put yourself in their shoes and see yourself from their perspective.

تابع القراءة:

7 Steps To Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone

مراقبة المشاعر

كيفية تعليم الأطفال كيفية استخدام حدسهم

جميع المقالات 

التدريب عبر الإنترنت 

المزيد من الأسئلة والأجوبة

قناتنا على اليوتيوب