我是不是很无聊？该怎么办？

照片来源 卡米拉-金特罗-佛朗哥

问题: My ex told me I was boring. It hurts, of course. I’m not sure what to think or do about it. I’m not even sure if I really want to change. But, of course, I would like people to find me interesting. I don’t like the thought that I’m boring.

回答:

Let’s start with a quote by the author Terry Pratchett:

“Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom?”

谁很无聊？

Boredom doesn’t come so much from the outside as from the inside. Some people can even spend most of their lives in relative isolation and not be bored. That means their thoughts and emotions are interesting enough to keep them occupied.

青少年可能会觉得成年人很无聊。成年人可能会觉得青少年无聊。

喜欢派对的人可能会认为科学家的生活很无聊。科学家可能会认为派对动物很无聊。

运动员可能会对某些类型的艺术感到厌倦。艺术家可能会对职业体育感到厌倦。诸如此类。

我们每个人都有不同的个性、不同的兴趣和不同的沟通方式。你不可能取悦所有人。也就是说，无论你是什么样的人，都会有人觉得你很无趣。即使你是喜剧演员，有些人也会觉得你的喜剧风格很无聊。另一方面，思想、兴趣和性格相似的人很可能会觉得你很有趣。

期望与责任

People like to be entertained by others. That’s normal. But thinking that others 应 entertain us, and it’s somebody else’s fault if we are bored, indicates a personality fault. It indicates that one’s own thoughts and feelings are not stimulating enough. It also indicates entitlement and a lack of self-reflection.

选择对别人，尤其是对（曾经的）恋人，大声说出如此伤人、过于简单和无效的话，至少可以说是更加不负责任和自负。说这话的人比受话人更能说明问题。这甚至可能表明，他们更喜欢戏剧性而非稳定、平静的关系。

If somebody says such a thing during a break up, it might be that they feel the need to put you down in order to “justify” ending the relationship. Again, that says much more about them than about you.

真实不枯燥

On the other hand, some self-reflection doesn’t hurt, as long as it’s not rooted in self-hatred but in a desire for a better quality of life and relationships.

人们会被真实的情感和真挚的热情所吸引（只要这些情感和热情是以负责任的方式表达出来的）。他们也对对自己感兴趣的人感兴趣。

So, if you want to be more interesting to others, don’t think about what they expect, and don’t try to be who you are not. Instead, consider letting them see more of who you are. Do you let your feelings show, or are you hiding them behind irrelevant chatter? Are you ashamed of your passion, or do you love to talk about it? Are you showing genuine interest in other people and their feelings?

即使这样也不能让所有人都喜欢你，因为这根本不可能。但喜欢你的人将有更多机会注意到你的品质。

If you are easily influenced by others’ opinions or you are often bothered by feeling not good enough, consider that a lot of that might be a consequence of childhood trauma and childhood programming. We are here to help you with that.

更多信息

觉得自己不够好：如何认识并从根本上治愈它

如何克服社交拒绝和尴尬

Guided meditation “Heal Childhood Programming for Empowerment And Self-love”

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