This will be an elephant-sized post, but bear with me – I hope to give you plenty of useful ideas to keep your New Year resolutions by the end of it.
At the start of every year, millions if not billions of people make lists of things they want to change so that their lives would be better, and promise themselves they will stick to those changes. Within a week, most of those people have broken their promise. Before the month is out, almost everybody does. If you have managed to keep your resolution till the end of the year, congratulations – and why are you even reading this? Maybe let people know how you did it!
决议有两种基本类型：
1) 培养新习惯（锻炼、放松、冥想、沟通技巧，任何想要的、有成效的行动）
2) 摒弃旧习惯（具有破坏性或不健康的习惯，如吸烟、暴饮暴食、酗酒或其他任何嗜好；任何花费过多时间进行的活动；不健康的交流习惯及类似情况）
Many people would say that it’s only the matter of persistence and strength of will to stick to those decisions. I think the situation is much more complex than that! Do you know people who criticize others for not being able to lose weight, for example, but in the same time they are not able to stop smoking, playing video games, watching TV or internet porn, feeding their cat or just about anything else? Some people are even addicted to communicating to other people. Everybody has at least some sort of unwanted habit that is difficult to reduce or give up. So let’s explore some factors that might feed your unhealthy habits:
1) 困难情绪。 A huge number of people resort to their old addictions in times of emotional stress. Addictions are commonly used to distract us from emotions: fear, guilt, sadness, anger, shame, feeling inadequate… Many of those emotions – as well as the addictions that help suppressing them – are created in childhood or adolescence. When we work with addictions, we first focus on finding and resolving those emotions, and finding ways to replace them with more comforting ones. This often greatly reduces chronic stress.
2) 有时，成瘾会被用来 人为制造或增强愉快的情绪. Heroin addicts might say that they feel deeply loved when they are under influence of heroin. Alcohol addicts might crave cheerfulness and social openness that alcohol evokes in them. In that case, it’s useful to explore what can you do to encourage desired emotional states in healthier ways – and if there are any emotional obstacles to that.
3) 生物本能.愤怒、懒惰和暴饮暴食都是（部分）出于生物动机的行为。我们的身体还停留在石器时代，希望我们为权力而战，至少吃得比我们需要的多一点，并尽可能地保存能量（有时以牺牲他人为代价）。个体遗传差异会使某些人的某些冲动比其他人更强烈。
4) 代谢差异. People react differently to each addictive substance. Some people will just shrug alcohol or certain drugs off, while others’ brains react with instant intense craving. Some people can eat a few spoonfuls of a desert and leave the rest on the plate, while others’ palates sense sugar and immediately ring bells for food frenzy. It’s not just about willpower – our metabolic responses are different from person to person.
5) 神经系统差异. Perhaps you are more sensitive to stress, for example, or your brain is more easily distracted, or you are an extroverted person who wants to learn an introverted habit?… Biological diversity is huge, and Mother Nature is known to be experiment-prone. Some results of such genetic experiments can be quite subtle, but enough to encourage an unwanted habit.
6) 社会压力. Perhaps smoking or coffee are your way to initiate communication with other people? Or will your circle of friends mock you if you want to live a healthier lifestyle? Perhaps you are a part of a group that shares an unhealthy habit? In such cases, giving up a habit might mean losing important connections with people. Young men are in bigger danger in this context, because neglecting one’s own body is often considered “masculine” in some inarticulate circles.
7) 与他人的纽带 Similar to previous entry, but less conscious, subtler and more instinctive. Such bonds are usually created in our early families. Did your parents smoke? For you, it might become an unconscious way to either feel closer to them, or to tap into their perceived power, or to imitate their ways of coping with stress. In the mind of a small child, the parents’ way is the right way. A part of you might still be unconsciously afraid to let go of such a bond.
8) 通过重复创建神经路径. Any behavior we repeat – even patterns of thinking and feeling, let alone physical behavior – encourages the brain to strengthen the connections between the neurological circles responsible. If we repeat certain behaviors for years, such neurological paths are so strong that we fall into such behavior without thinking, almost like robots. This can only be changed by persistently defying such urges and practicing new habits.
9) 大工业. For decades now, food industry is dedicated to creating foods that will trigger addictions and addictive behavior. This includes many products labeled as healthy and natural. It’s often difficult to avoid all of those products – and any of those can send you spiraling back into addiction. Same goes for alcohol and tobacco manufacturers – and many other industries are doing their best to induce automated responses and exploit your physiological and psychological mechanisms.
10) 抵制变革. Some people fear change – for example, fear attention, or success, or envy of other people. Others are just so used to a certain image of themselves, that they might unconsciously strive to preserve it. One way to prepare for a change might be to imagine it often enough.
因此，当你试图改变一个习惯时，你可能正在与所有这些因素作斗争，还有一些我可能没有提到的因素。光有决定和意志力是不够的！你需要做好充分的准备。首先，探究情感背景，尽你所能治愈它。然后，从以下清单中选择最适合你的建议。
I’ve divided the suggestions into 3 groups: general advice; ideas how to resist unhealthy urges; ideas how to motivate yourself to stick to a new habit. You might find that one day you respond well to one of them, while other days some other of these ideas might be more motivating. I suggest to create a little reminder for yourself with the ideas you like most. 经常阅读, perhaps print it and keep it in your pocket, as unhealthy urges can be intense and distracting and you might find yourself forgetting these ideas in spite of your best intentions, if you don’t have a written reminder handy.
Let’s dive in!
A) 一般性建议：
1.制定合理的长期目标. Don’t expect yourself to run 5 km the first day, or to lose 1 kg a week (or even half a kg a week), or to stop using social networks altogether. Consider what would be your “maintenance” habits; what can you imagine doing for the rest of your life? Create an exercise or diet plan that you can stick to for years without too much stress; plan to use social media or play video games for about an hour in the evening, instead of starting in the morning and continuing during the day.
2.列出实现目标会让你生活更美好的所有方式，无论大小。 列出身体、社交、情感、经济以及你能想到的任何其他好处。尽可能多花一些时间想象这些好处。
3.列出不实现目标的所有不良后果、 同上。花点时间思考一下。
4.为诱惑和危机时刻做好准备. Do you expect to be stressed at a certain day? Sometimes just mentally preparing ourselves for predictable stress can prevent feeling overwhelmed and falling back to old stress-reducing habits. Sometimes we fall back to old habits just because we don’t have a ready idea what else to do. Make a list of what can you do to relax if a day is particularly stressful, especially if unexpected stress happens. Maybe you can call a friend and complain your heart out (first make sure that the friend wants to listen!) Maybe you can put on some music that makes you feel good and perhaps dance to it. Maybe you can plan to make a soothing tea (I recently discovered I like tea with a little milk much better than plain tea) or fruit juice (freshly squeezed, not those chemical cocktails they sell as fruit juice in supermarkets) instead of cookies or cigarettes.
5.注意你的大脑何时开始找借口。 “Just a bit more today, and tomorrow I stop!” or “Just a little bit, it won’t hurt me so much!” “It says low-carb on the label, it means it’s allowed!”… Make a list of excuses you commonly use and learn to be aware that it’s your brain playing tricks on you. Your brain 将 make excuses. It’s an excuse-making machine. Your brain works in silence, creating more and more excuses to mess up with your brain. Be smarter than your brain.
6.当你有作弊的冲动时, remind yourself that the future is an endless stream of todays. If you give in to temptation today, you will likely give in tomorrow, too. You will probably be tempted to decide something like, “This little bit doesn’t count”. It’s like saying, “These few seconds of putting my head into the jaws of a crocodile do not count.” It catches up with you sooner or later.
7. Perhaps schedule “cheating days”, let’s say a day a week when you are allowed to relax a bit. Note: this does not apply if you are trying to give up an addictive habit! Even if your habit is not addictive, be careful with this advice; do not allow the cheating day to undo the benefits of your previous efforts.
8.假装你的生活或你真正想要的东西取决于你的下一个决定。 Many times this is true, but it’s so far away in the future that our now-focused brain just isn’t motivated enough. Imagine as intensely as you can that what you do right now is detrimental for your happiness.
9. Don’t fight frustration. Don’t think you shouldn’t feel it. Acknowledge it, but don’t identify with it. 提醒自己，挫折意味着理想的改变正在进行中。 沮丧是你的身体试图回到过去的自动状态。
10.寻找榜样 – at least one, preferably several, people, who already act the way you want to act. Imagine their point of view: what motivates them, how do they think and feel in this context, how do they resist temptation. Perhaps you can ask them directly about it, but it’s not necessary if your imagination is good enough. Even a cat can be a good role model if your goal is to learn to relax (or to ignore other people’s opinions).
11.向你选择的精神实体寻求帮助. Even if you are not overly spiritual, this might help you tap into subconscious resources you don’t normally use.
12.想想 10-20 年后你的生活会有什么不同 如果你坚持你的决心，如果你重拾旧习，在相同的时间框架内会是什么样子。大局观往往比短期视角更能使后果显而易见。
13.一句有用的口头禅是： “I choose long-term happiness over short-term fun.”
14.如果可以的话 睡醒后，花点时间在床上放松一下，增强动力 to keep your resolution in the day that follows. Motivation likes to dissipate over time, it’s important to renew it regularly.
15.如果失败，重新开始. Everybody fails at some point. That doesn’t have to determine the rest of your life.
16.寻找激励人心的书籍或文章并经常阅读。 把你最喜欢的段落汇编成册，用它们来激励自己。
17.把现在的努力当成对未来自己的帮助。
18.想一想，如果一位朋友和你的情况相似，你会给他什么建议？ 想象朋友们鼓励你 – or ask for direct encouragement.
19.把你的目标变成一连串的小目标。奖励自己 当你实现每一个目标时。确保奖励不会削弱你的努力。
20.在每天的日程安排中加入目标活动。 If you don’t, you might find yourself doing all kinds of other things until you are too tired or it’s too late – and then it’s much easier to fall back to old habits. Prevent this by good planning.
21.记录自己的努力.有时，写下失败经历的尴尬足以激励自己避免失败。
B) 解决不良习惯
22. Addictive behavior is often automated – people find themselves, for example, reaching for a cigarette without even consciously thinking about it. 如果发现自动行为，请就地冻结.暂停一下。深呼吸。感受你的感受和想法。提醒自己所有这些激励自己的方法。用你能想到的任何方式让自己远离上瘾的冲动。重要的是要打破自动行为序列。
23.在心理上将上瘾对象或上瘾行为与非常不愉快的事情联系起来.这就是香烟包装上那些肺癌照片所要达到的目的。如果你对甜食上瘾 立即 after looking at sweets, imagine fat, disease, weakness, discomfort in tight clothes… whatever feels repulsive to you. If you crave sweets, but find cigarettes disgusting, imagine a cookie as if it was a sweet cigarette. And the other way around. The goal is to achieve the state in which seeing or thinking of the object of your addiction is immediately followed by a repulsive image. If you make unpleasant associations strong enough to counter pleasant expectations, it will be much easier to resist temptation. You can even think of completely unrelated disgusting things – roadkill, manure, vomit… – anything that causes revulsion.
24.思考 你希望达到什么样的感觉 through unwanted behavior. Imagine that you already feel that way. Perhaps create a little visualization or fantasy that helps you feel relaxed, loved, safe, acceptable – or whatever your toxic habit artificially provided. Make the feelings as strong as you can.
25.提醒自己 渴望给你一个错误的希望 of feeling good. Do you really feel as good as expected when you give in to craving? It’s often only a shadow of the feeling you really hope for.
26.列出让你感觉良好的其他活动清单 并每天为它们安排一些时间。如果你已经感到快乐，你就更没有理由借助成瘾物质来让自己感觉良好。
27.提醒自己 giving in to craving doesn’t mean that craving would go away – it would probably become even stronger.
28.想想看，如果你屈服于渴求，那么 relief will be short-term – but the unpleasant consequences will last much longer.
29.提醒自己戒断症状 如果你屈服于诱惑，你将不得不重新受苦。
30.提醒自己，你的身体还处于石器时代 and its cravings are not necessarily healthy. Many people give in to cravings because they think: “If my body needs this so much, it cannot be 那 bad!” It 是 那么糟糕。你的身体在进化过程中并没有充分应对现代文明的所有挑战。
31. Focus on your body. Notice the parts of your body where you feel craving – and notice also the parts of your body that feel better when you act in healthy ways, the parts that “want” to be clean and healthy. 关注后者而不是前者。
32.删除环境中的所有触发器 让你想起想戒掉的习惯。把所有食物都放在橱柜或冰箱里，不要让人看见。扔掉香烟。甚至避免看广告。要求朋友和家人不要再给你提供这样的东西。
33.寻找更健康的替代品。 If your addiction includes ingesting something – processed food, alcohol, cigarettes – try carbonated water (unsweetened – perhaps with some fresh fruit juice) or chewing gum, for example. Some people find that electronic cigarettes can help with reducing cigarette addiction. Of course, you’ll need to give up that habit eventually, too.
34.想想明天你会感到多么幸福和自豪 如果你今天抵制住了诱惑。
35.或者 翌日清晨想到后悔和有毒残留物的不愉快感觉如果你今天屈服于诱惑。
36.如果你觉得自己必须屈服于欲望，请推迟 15 分钟. After that, another 15 mins. And so on, as long as you possibly can. The idea of 15 mins is easier to agree to than the idea of an eternity without your addictive substance of choice. Perhaps you’ll even find out that the craving subsides after that time. If not, at least you will probably end up “straying” less often than you normally would.
37. Imagine that you’ve already ingested your addictive substance and you don’t feel the need any more. Even better, 想象一下，你吃了这么多东西，已经让你感到恶心了.想象力越丰富，效果就越好。
38.如果您有孩子，或计划有孩子，请考虑您想成为什么样的榜样. Many people are more motivated by their children’s benefit than their own. If you are a woman, you might imagine for a moment that you are pregnant. If you wouldn’t want to harm your unborn child with addictive substances, would you want to harm your own body?
39. Some people feel compelled to eat up any food remains so that they wouldn’t be thrown away (another instinct from Stone Age). Tell yourself, “我的身体不是垃圾袋” Freeze extra food or donate it.
C)培养理想的习惯
40.准备好启动所需的一切 (例如，锻炼、写作、学习语言），但没有立即开始的义务。一旦一切准备就绪，你的大脑可能就会觉得开始工作更容易了。
41.稍作努力, without commitment to continue for a long time. One exercise, a few sentences… often after the initial resistance is overcome, we can relax into the activity we started and continue for quite a while longer than we expected.
42.记住你对喜欢的活动的感受 并想象将这种热情和乐趣传播到你正在进行的新活动中。哪怕只有一点点热情，也比什么都没有强。
43.考虑到 今日事今日毕.
44.如果你被最后期限所激励、 想象你有一个最后期限 – and it’s awfully close. If you want to develop a habit of cleaning your house, imagine that you have guests coming over in a few hours, for example. (Speaking from experience here!)
45.想象一下，工作顺利完成后的愉悦心情吧。
46.有意识地培养愉快的心情 在你养成新习惯的时候，你的内心也会产生这种感觉。这样，它就会与好的感觉联系在一起，而不是沮丧或无聊。
47. Note any discomfort or resistance. Consider that it’s probably exaggerated.
48. 请注意 如果有工作在等着你，放松和乐趣就不那么放松和有趣了. Use relaxing activities as a reward for a job well done – and then you can enjoy them much more.
49. Don’t expect to be perfect 在新的活动中，从一开始就要坚持不懈。如果害怕失败，人们往往会拖延时间。允许自己犯错误。
最后 50 – my favourite strategy I developed when working with a client. 承诺每次偏离自己的决定时，都捐出一定数额的钱。 It has to be on top of what you might be already donating. It has to be giving money away, not saving it for something else. This is great way to develop awareness of how every action counts and has real consequences (as our brains’ favourite excuse is often “just a bit, it won’t count!”) It makes you more aware of the pull of temptation and what excuses your brain creates. It’s a way to get you focused on the wider picture and the sum of all of your decisions. Try it out for fun – you might find it so efficient you might want to keep it up for life! A word of caution, though – it might only work well if you are generally responsible and well organized with money. If you tend to let money seep through your fingers, this method might end up as just another drain. Perhaps find another part of life in which you are responsible and rational, and apply it in a similar manner to your bad habits.
Here we are. You might need to experiment a while to find out what works best for you. Sometimes the suggestions that felt flat yesterday will feel spot on today. Read your reminder often – but don’t allow it to become a mindless routine. Knowing doesn’t automatically mean applying that knowledge! Everything we repeat often, becomes a routine, so when reading your reminder over and over again, put some conscious effort to get emotionally involved into it. Good luck!
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