文字实录与怪物交朋友

导言：这是整合系统教练第三模块中象征、隐喻工作的演示。怪兽在象征性图像中很常见，重要的是我们不要拒绝或摧毁它们，而是要将它们整合起来。在整合过程中，隐喻工作往往会自发地过渡到解决具体的家庭问题。本文记录于 2020 年的一次在线国际培训中。

科斯坚卡

This time we can focus on monsters and black holes, and we’ll see what else we’ll have time for. Did anybody encounter a monster in your internal travels that you would like to have a chat with? (Silence.) You’re either a very healthy or a very shy group. Can anybody 思议 他们体内有怪物？

安吉拉

我可以

科斯坚卡

Thank you, Angela. Something I just remembered, sometimes when a client tells me they can’t imagine something I ask them, Can you imagine that you can imagine it? It doesn’t always work, but it does often help to jump over that mental barrier.

安吉拉

我知道我们应该讨论怪物，但我突然想起一件事。我们在绘制家庭地图时，我发现我妈妈身后站着一个黑天使，我想问问这算不算妖魔鬼怪。

科斯坚卡

It does. A monster doesn’t have to be a traditional dragon or a devil from hell. It can be any kind of creature you find in your waking dreams that you are confused about. Angela, please close your eyes. Remember that dark angel behind your mother. Is it a big angel, a small angel, is it angry, is it sad…?

安吉拉

This is not actually an angel, it’s more of something between a bat and a dragon, but his wings are more like angel-like. It’s very big.

科斯坚卡

有意思不管那是什么生物，它的面部表情是怎样的？

安吉拉

He reminds me of those gargoyles on the Notre-Dame cathedral although he’s not made of stone, he’s moving, but that’s how he looks like, his expression.

科斯坚卡

他身上有什么样的情感能量？

安吉拉

It’s hard to find an emotion, so I will say what’s happening with me. The creature starts with a dark cloud and then it solidifies until it becomes stone. I feel a cramp in my stomach and I feel like throwing up. When I think about it further, I feel like it’s there to take something away  from us. And my mother looks terrified of him and actually I am in a different position, but my mother really does feel terrified.

科斯坚卡

Imagine to step up to this creature and say “Hi” in a friendly way, as friendly as you can. Maybe even give it your hand. What happens?

安吉拉

It’s really hard to greet him because when I come closer he’s so tall I can’t even see his face, but I’ll try to say Hello. He nodded as he said Hello back and right now his face is hanging above me as he bows down to greet me.

科斯坚卡

很好问问那个生物，你最想要什么？它怎么说？

安吉拉

他想夺走我某种形式的纯真，他想舔遍我的全身，在我身上留下他的唾液。

科斯坚卡

问问这个生物，为什么这对你很重要？

安吉拉

It is to commemorate something, it has to be like a statue. It’s to make it memorable.

科斯坚卡

I’m a bit confused, but never mind. What do you feel would happen if you allowed it to lick you all over?

安吉拉

I get the feeling that it would break my mother down. It’s more connected to my mother, I’m just a pawn here, this is not connected directly to me.

科斯坚卡

感受一下，如果你允许这个怪物舔遍你的全身，你的母亲为什么会崩溃。也许你会知道一些你不该知道的事情。也许妈妈认为这会伤害你？或者是其他什么原因。

安吉拉

Yes, it’s about the hurt. And it’s her hurt.

科斯坚卡

你能感受到，你的母亲是如何受伤的吗？

安吉拉

She’s terrified, numb and all dirty. She’s all covered in that saliva.

科斯坚卡

问怪物：你知道我妈妈有多害怕你吗？怪物怎么说？

安吉拉

怪物变小了一些，并愿意展开对话。

科斯坚卡

问怪物是否有话要对你妈妈说。

安吉拉

I have two parallel answers. He says he’s sorry but on the other hand it is supposed to be a secret, nobody is supposed to know that he’s sorry. He’s scary and dangerous, but today he’s sorry. This chat itself scared him a little bit, because this was supposed to be a secret. It scared him because we’re even talking about it, that’s why he got smaller.

科斯坚卡

是的，家庭秘密往往会在家庭地图上显示为一些黑暗或怪异的地方，或者非常像安吉拉所描述的那样。安吉拉，问问怪物，你到底想要什么？你到底想在这里做什么？

安吉拉

The monster would like to be free, he would like to fly away, he doesn’t want to stay here and keep the guard.

科斯坚卡

它在守卫吗？如果是，它在守护谁或守护什么？

安吉拉

He’s kind of guarding the whole family’s innocence and virginity.

科斯坚卡

有意思从哪里来？

安吉拉

Basically it’s like the danger can come from any source or any direction. I feel some sort of panic. It’s like he’s there because danger can come from everywhere.

科斯坚卡

At the same time, innocence often includes ignorance. And if you’re ignorant it’s difficult to make good decisions. Ask the monster, How old do you think I am?

安吉拉

五个

科斯坚卡

Ok. Now gently explain to the monster it’s been a long time since you’ve been five. Say to the monster, I think you’ve been asleep for a while. I’m quite adult and quite strong. What says the monster?

安吉拉

什么都没有

科斯坚卡

好的问怪物，请打开你的斗篷或脱掉你的服装。让我看看你藏了什么。

安吉拉

It’s a priest.

科斯坚卡

有意思问问神父他在那里做什么，或者他做了什么？

安吉拉

I get a vision that he’s blocking my mother’s mouth.

科斯坚卡

看看你妈妈她很害怕那个牧师你能猜到她怕什么吗？

安吉拉

我的心怦怦直跳，我感觉如果她不乖，他随时都可以来惩罚她。而我，作为我的母亲，我现在能感觉到我的母亲，我为我可能再次受到惩罚而感到羞愧。

科斯坚卡

If you are mother, sounds like you were punished before. Guess who punished you and what for. Maybe you (mother) were naughty as a little girl, maybe you had sex with somebody you shouldn’t have, maybe you even got pregnant, maybe you got your clothes dirty as a kid, anything.

安吉拉

这种惩罚是对随性而为、不深思熟虑的决定的惩罚。

科斯坚卡

当母亲害怕因为随性而受到惩罚时，她才几岁？

安吉拉

五 四

科斯坚卡

现在，请想象你就是那个怪物。同时，你想舔安吉拉和她的妈妈，你想保护她们，不知怎的，你还想惩罚她们，也许是她们自己想象出来的。你想让她们如此害怕你吗？

安吉拉

This feeling of fear, that’s actually, that’s the way to lick people. I don’t feel the connection with myself, to be honest, this is all connected to my mother. I’m not even able to look at myself.

科斯坚卡

It sounds like your mother used to be spontaneous and then did something she was punished for. What is important here is how to get the monster to help. Imagine that you are the monster. Look at Angela’s mother through monster’s eyes. Do you want her to be so afraid?

安吉拉

不，对我来说最重要的是守护家庭。

科斯坚卡

你想为家人做些什么？您想如何守护他们？

安吉拉

By taking away spontaneity, so that they don’t make mistakes.

科斯坚卡

如果你是怪物祭司，是谁把你放在那里的？也许是母亲创造了你？

安吉拉

Yes, that’s my mother’s creation.

科斯坚卡

Sounds like your mother split off a part of herself and made it into a monster to prevent her from making mistakes. In the same time, what can she learn if she never makes mistakes? Maybe it’s not the monster’s decision. Say to mother, You are not five years old anymore. What says mother?

安吉拉

She’s crying.

科斯坚卡

Say to mother, It’s ok to make mistakes. It’s normal, it’s human, good people make mistakes, it’s the fastest way to learn. What says mother?

安吉拉

She’s still crying, but she’s not laying down anymore, she’s sitting up now.

科斯坚卡

问问你的母亲，此时此刻她真正想要的是什么。

安吉拉

她想休息。

科斯坚卡

想象让母亲休息。想象一下，如果母亲愿意，也许她可以休息几天、几周、几个月甚至几年。

安吉拉

This is amazing because my mother for seventy something years didn’t allow herself to rest, and now she’s resting.

科斯坚卡

也许那个怪物牧师是为了让她控制自己。不仅不让她犯错，还不让她做人。想象一下，给妈妈买一个美丽的假期。也许是环游世界甚至去月球旅行，也许很快就能实现，谁知道呢？也许她可以去夏威夷、加勒比海、阿尔卑斯山、南美洲。也许她只想在海滩上度过几个月。想象一下，她可以真正地休息和放松，这在她的生活中是从未有过的。

安吉拉

我在这里非常感动和感慨，我想带她去度假，但她却选择了植物园和看花。

科斯坚卡

完全没问题。如果她愿意，可以看几个月的花开花落。

安吉拉

This priest now looks like he always was one of those toys pumped with air, so now the air stopped being pumped and he’s losing the air.

科斯坚卡

Good. Who taught mother that she shouldn’t rest and play?

安吉拉

她的母亲

科斯坚卡

祈求外婆的记忆或灵魂允许母亲做人。允许母亲休息、玩耍、享受乐趣。

安吉拉

Grandma is now explaining herself, she’s trying to say that’s not what she meant, she didn’t want to take it away from her, she didn’t want to take fun away from her, they didn’t have money, so if she destroyed her clothes, for example, they wouldn’t have money to buy her new ones. She was also the older sibling, so she was supposed to be there, to help. They just didn’t have money to allow themselves to relax.

科斯坚卡

It’s quite understandable for that time. I heard stories about kids in old times who had to leave their families and go to work as servants at the age of eight, ten, twelve. Your mother had it easier compared to that. Say to grandmother, I’m not here to blame you. I just need your help. What says grandmother?

安吉拉

She’s willing to help, she’s also crying, she’s actually crying saying that she only wanted them well, but it turned out this way, her intentions were good. She’s willing to help. She’s moved.

科斯坚卡

好极了再请她允许你妈妈去玩，去休息，去放松。

安吉拉

她把这些都给了她，还给了她一个带轮子的木箱，这样她就可以骑着它下山了。

科斯坚卡

好极了这可真有趣想象一下，妈妈坐在那个带轮子的箱子里从山上滚下来。希望她能软着陆。

安吉拉

That’s how I see it. That’s a small hill that I’ve never seen with my own eyes, I just know it from the stories. I know that my grandparents were working at the university and the university gave them some place to stay and that hill, that’s how I imagined it. I can see her playing there.

科斯坚卡

怪物祭司现在怎么样了？

安吉拉

It’s just a thing without air, flat.

科斯坚卡

也许你可以建议怪物祭司变成一只小狗，让它和你妈妈一起玩，然后它想舔你妈妈的话，就可以舔她。

安吉拉

不，实际上，他身上的这些橡胶都被做成了一个大球，他们可以踢着玩。

科斯坚卡

好了，看看妈妈玩球时会发生什么吧。

安吉拉

There is this brightness in the family now, it’s actually producing warmth. It’s light and warm now.

科斯坚卡

好极了这对你有什么影响？

安吉拉

I’ve just had a situation in my real life, I’ve scolded my daughter big time, because she wanted to take her best trousers to go roller-skating. This just came back to me, now it’s funny, I can laugh at it, it’s not so serious anymore.

科斯坚卡

好极了听起来，妈妈放松的时候，你也能放松很多。也许你可以在接下来的日子里探索一下，当你的母亲在后面玩她的橡皮球时，会对你的生活产生怎样的影响。很好，非常感谢你，安吉拉。

安吉拉

It’s me who’s thankful.

科斯坚卡

非常欢迎。(有问题或意见吗？

卡洛琳

Before I say what I want to say, I want to say to Angela, please keep in mind it might be my projections. Please don’t take it personally, it might not even be connected to you. First of all I want to say that I’m impressed, Kosjenka, that you are able to go through this with a smile and with positivity because my emotions were completely different, I felt anger during the demo. You said before that the monster can be a part of us. I wanted to ask if this monster could have symbolized something that happened to Angela’s mother. What I felt was that maybe Angela’s mother was actually not misbehaving, but that was given as an excuse for punishment. Which was not really punishment but something bad that was happening to Angela’s mother. So I actually thought of sexual abuse and when I heard about this monster becoming a rubber ball that you can kick, I felt happy for that that you can finally kick it. I think it might be my projections, maybe it was my ancestors, my family that had something like that in its history, but I was just wondering what you would say to that, Kosjenka.

科斯坚卡

First of all, if you have strong emotions about something that you are working on with a client, it’s very likely that the emotions are coming from something in your history. In the same time, the most common family secrets are abortions, sexual abuse, rape or affairs. So your guess wouldn’t be far off the mark in many cases. I did gently suggest that possibility when I gave Angela several options like, Maybe your mother got dirty, or, Maybe your mother had sex when she shouldn’t, maybe she got pregnant. But in the end it’s important to allow the client to come to their own experience and information. Keep in mind everybody, if you are simply guessing based on experience, it’s different than when you feel strong emotions about what is going on. If you have strong emotions it might be a good idea to explore them, it sounds like there might be something that needs resolving. Angela, would you like to comment?

安吉拉

I also had some thoughts about that, about physical abuse, sexual abuse, but actually when I had to choose the reason I felt more excited about this freedom and frolicking. I felt more excitement about that, for many reasons, two of them most important. The first one, my mother told me a story when she was going with her older siblings to first day of pre-school or primary school, she was walking with this bag with shoes in it, she was excited, she was playing with them in the air, at some point they got lost in the trees and they were hanging off a tree. First she was beaten by her siblings, then she was beaten by her father and then she got a beating from her mother. So it wasn’t a nice experience and that was the first reason why I felt strongly about that choice. The second one is that of course sexual abuse is something very intimate, even if it’s not about us, if it’s about someone else, it’s still very intimate, and I didn’t feel so good about opening that, because we are a big group here. If I find a second bottom and feel that we should open it I will definitely say something about it, but for now I felt that this inner excitement was more important.

科斯坚卡

很好，谢谢。大家可以根据至少三种可能性来验证自己的猜测，但一定要让客户说了算。

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