你是一只会飞的猴子吗？

What is “a flying monkey”?

The expression “flying monkey” originates from the book “The Wizard of Oz”, in which a group of winged monkeys serves an evil witch and executes her destructive commands. In real life, it describes 受人操纵，替操纵者折磨别人的人。 

这个词最常用于自恋者和 自恋式虐待; a “flying monkey” is somebody who is directly or indirectly persuaded by a narcissist into making a victim’s life difficult. However, it’s not necessarily only narcissists or psychopaths who manipulate in these ways; such games are often played by average people too, although usually to a lesser extent.

There can be a whole flock (swarm? sussuration? murder?) of “flying monkeys”. These are, for example, people who join 网上迫害 of somebody they barely even know, except they heard something bad about them, or read a quote taken out of context. Or anybody who harasses victims of revenge porn. Or a group of teenagers who follow a ringleader into ostracizing a less popular classmate. You don’t really need a true narcissist for such things to happen.

各种 宗教组织 can make big parts of whole populations into their flying monkeys, by spreading unreasonable fears, misconceptions and falsehoods about any group of people they don’t approve of (historically, “witch hunts” are a perfect example, but there are plenty examples in modern times, too, all over the world). 有组织的意识形态 一般都是会飞的猴子。霓虹灯、 性别歧视, any kind of intolerance and labeling people, anything that encourages discrimination and dehumanizing of somebody else for the sake of an ideology… there is not necessarily a single narcissistic person who manipulates others into it, but there are often several distinguished cases somewhere in the background.

这类游戏往往已经开始 小时候. Did you ever join into ostracizing or abusing another child just because most other kids were doing it too? Maybe one child started it, maybe several were the leaders, but most were flying monkeys. Some children (and adults) do it because they truly enjoy malice and the power it seems to give them, and some do it because they are afraid they might become victims themselves if they don’t follow the crowd. The reason doesn’t matter; the results do.

On a more individual level, you might be a “flying monkey” if you spread 流言蜚语.或者，在听到关于某人的谣言和流言后，你开始对他表现出敌意、 不问青红皂白. It fairly often happens after love breakups, but it’s also common within business and family relationships. Even 帮助专业人士 can sometimes become “flying monkeys” for 虐待者如果缺乏经验和过于信任他人。发起这种虐待的人可能是为了报复，或者是为了某种形式的实际利益，或者只是为了发泄不满和博取同情等。

 

Why are “flying monkeys” sometimes good people?

Do you believe you wouldn’t fall for such a thing? Narcissists often choose 心地善良，但缺乏经验、天真或冲动的人 的角色。儿童和青少年符合这一描述，但也有成人符合这一描述。 strong sense of justice and strong emotions.自恋者经常以受害者自居，试图煽动 义怒 真正的受害者。有些人在这方面很有技巧。

Another category of well intentioned “flying monkeys” are people who spread various 阴谋论和令人震惊的文章 without carefully checking how realistic, logical and proven they are. Spreading alarm can be a powerful feeling (Hey, look at me! I know more than others, my eyes are wide open, I defy powerful authorities!), or it might be a result of fear or desire to help others, but not only it’s often a waste of time and 将注意力从真正的、紧迫的问题上转移开它可能而且确实对他人造成了真正的伤害（例如，拒绝为儿童接种疫苗会降低群体免疫力）。

(To be clear: some conspiracies do happen and create huge damage, but it’s a big difference between believing in a conspiracy that includes a narrow circle of people (or corporations), and realistic motives and proofs, and a conspiracy theory that theoretically includes whole professions worldwide without any obvious motivation or profit, or proven data.)

You might be manipulated into being a “flying monkey” 即使你爱受害者，不喜欢施暴者。嫉妒你伴侣的前男友（或有时是嫉妒你的父母）可能会告诉你一些关于你伴侣的坏话，让你怀疑他们或给他们施加压力，甚至离开他们。另一方面，有些警告可能是真实可信的。如何区分事实和幻想？

 

避免成为会飞的猴子

• 首先，观察自己的情绪反应。 避免被强烈但短期肤浅的情感所驱使如果是健康的怀疑，你更有可能听到它。如果有健康的疑问，你更有可能听到它。分析某个人或某篇文章的用词。 The more dramatic, emotionally loaded, abstract expressions, clichés and exclamation marks就越有可能被操纵。不过，这还不足以做出决定； 操纵者越高明，操纵就越巧妙有些诚实的人只是喜欢戏剧性，或者他们习惯于把悲怆作为家庭中正常的交流方式。有些操纵者会利用科学或伪科学，甚至假装自己是在帮助受害者。
• 认识到愤怒的必要性。从神经学层面来说，愤怒确实有点令人陶醉；它 激活奖励中心 通过刺激多巴胺的分泌来刺激我们大脑中的多巴胺。换句话说 我们的身体会因为我们感到愤怒和生气而给予我们回报因此，我们可能会觉得有动力保持这种情绪。
• Recognize your need to be “good” or to belong. If everyone around you is outraged about something, you might feel insecure, whether by feeling afraid that they might turn against you if you don’t join in, or by not really trusting your own personal qualities and perception. 害怕犯错 is often involved. In the long term, you’d profit from working on your self-esteem and trusting your instincts; in the short term just do your best to be honest to yourself.
• 认识到 现有偏见 you might have and whether they can influence your decisions. If you believe, for example, that corporations are greedy and corrupt (which they often are), it’s very easy to immediately believe any new rumor about some new way a corporation has found to exploit or oppress people, even if some of those news are pure clickbait. I’ve chosen corporations as a relatively mild example compared to religious, racial and similar prejudice; now consider how the latter can inflame people and you get a nice foundation for becoming a “flying monkey”.
• 请注意，如果您有  一吐郁闷 和无助感，而真正的问题却与之无关。 定向侵略 有时很难识别和承认，尤其是当你觉得自己有理的时候。但是，如果你注意到自己有微妙的感觉 惬意 在表达愤怒或以其他方式惩罚你听说过的坏话的人之后，要仔细询问自己的感受。
• 了解更多信息。 更多信息由于许多 详情 并检查其来源及其可靠程度。
• 询问故事的另一面。 Ideally, talk directly to the person at whom mud was thrown. You don’t need to reveal the source of rumors, but it’s important to at least show effort to hear the target of defamation. Don’t necessarily count with that person’s honesty (sometimes rumors might be true), but ask for specific details and  注意他们的非语言交流然后检查一下你的直觉感觉，它看起来有多诚实。(要注意的是，一些缺乏安全感的人即使是无辜的，如果被人指责，也会普遍感到内疚； 关注转变的迹象，而不是不安全感。

• 直接面对诽谤来源。 This is not recommended if it might be a dangerous narcissist who might start targeting you as a revenge, but in other cases, try to explain your doubts to that person and observe how they react. If they at least somewhat acknowledge and understand your attitude, even if they don’t approve of it, they are more likely honest. But if they start playing a victim, attacking or accusing you, it might be that their intentions are bad.
  

如果你是目标呢？

Most commonly, you’ll face flying monkeys at work or within your family, if a jealous colleague or family member (your partner’s parent, for example) sees you as a threat and tries to defame you to others in your environment. The target often notices strange and hostile looks, sudden inexplicable cold behavior by others (perhaps including their partner), passive-aggressive comments and similar – but might be afraid to ask what is going on, or even won’t realize it is an option, if they were trained by their family not to ask challenging questions and to 忽视沟通问题.这种对现实的回避可能是受到了某些奇怪的人类的鼓励 需要自欺欺人 当面对令人不快的事实时。

我的建议当然是：面对现实。面对现实，真理就在眼前。短期内可能会不舒服，但 你是愿意现在受点苦，还是愿意长期受苦？ Once you have more information and a clear idea who is involved and why, I’d suggest you bring everybody together for a talk – so, initiators of the trouble together with their “flying monkeys”, and yourself. Explain the situation, explain your doubts and ask for their side of the story. If a person is at least somewhat healthy, such an approach would encourage much more appreciation and goodwill (if you do it in a constructive way), than avoiding, ignoring, being passive aggressive in turn and similar games people play.

Of course, the manipulator who started the whole thing won’t give up so easily, so don’t expect everything to flow smoothly.如果你对这个人比较了解，知道他们的方法，就尽量提前准备好如何应对他们可能会做的事情。 避免上钩 (such as diverting the topic, trying to prove yourself, letting them intimidate you or make you feel guilty…), just stick to the bare facts as much as you can, and express your perspective honestly rather than trying to influence anybody’s reaction. Most people are able to recognize and appreciate such honesty, at least in the long term. They might not believe you immediately, especially if emotionally bonded to the manipulator, but you are likely to at least prevent the damage from spreading further.

Only if this approach doesn’t work (or you have good reasons to presume it wouldn’t work; fear of failure, criticism or unpleasant feelings NOT being a good reason), then you can resort to ignoring and “raising above” such people. If you can, end such relationships. However, ignoring and rejecting people who might simply be well meaning victims of manipulation, without 让他们有机会听听你的说法这样做既不明智也无用，而且可能会给你带来更大的伤害。

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