My Partner’s Daughter is Jealous of Our Relationship (Emotional Incest)

问题: I am 52 years old, divorced, and recently started a new relationship with a divorced man who has three adult daughters. Since he introduced me to his daughters, the youngest of them has been feeling very insecure. She has started coming over more often, cooking and shopping for him. She shows me that I am unwanted through passive aggression, leaving ambiguous messages on his bedside table, asking provocative questions… He tries to discourage her, but instead of being direct, he acts passively-aggressively and it doesn’t yield results. I don’t know how to handle this or how much I should interfere in their relationship.

回答: Father-daughter enmeshment is still somewhat more rare than mother-son emotional entanglement, but it’s not uncommon. It seems that the daughter lacks a clear understanding of the difference between a partnership and a parent-child relationship. She has likely been entangled in a pattern of 情感乱伦 这无疑是她父母造成的。她需要明白，父亲是把她当女儿来爱，而不是把她当伴侣来爱，两者缺一不可。然而，这可能很难做到，因为她的潜意识模式已经形成多年，可能会抵制理性的解释。

Ideally, her father should explain this difference to her and set clear boundaries. A major problem here is insufficiently clear communication. He is trying to send a non-verbal message, but she may interpret it her own way or decide to ignore it. Try talking to your partner about why he finds it difficult to communicate directly. As a child, he was probably punished or discouraged if he expressed himself clearly verbally, or he learned from his parents’ example that passive aggression yields results. However, the situation has changed in the meantime.

How much should you interfere in their relationship? You have the right to react to behavior that is disrespectful and hurtful towards you. However, it is important to first assess how much of your hurt is real (neglect and violation of your personal boundaries, disrespect, insults…) and how much might stem from childhood (fear, guilt, feelings of abandonment and worthlessness, competitiveness…). In any case, it is necessary to act like an adult and communicate clearly, calmly, and respectfully.

时间会证明一切是否会改变。没有人会在一夜之间改变。如果随着时间的推移，女儿会感到更安全并习惯于你，情况可能会有所改善。随着时间的推移，你也将有机会看到伴侣的其他行为特征，并评估他是否适合你。现在，对你来说最重要的事情是集中精力建立自己的自尊，并以清晰和体贴的方式进行沟通。

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情感乱伦

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