如何判断你的伴侣是否真的结束了过去的恋情？

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从 问答部分

问题:如何判断您的伴侣是真的对过去的感情已经释怀，还是为了不伤害您的感情而隐瞒自己的感情？

回答:

• 他们对与你在一起表现出真正的热情（不仅是口头上的，还有非口头上的）
• 他们经常与你坦诚交流，经常主动与你沟通并分享他们的生活
• 他们的非语言行为让你有安全感（见第一点）
• they rarely mention their ex, and when they do, it’s with a neutral attitude (a negative attitude can also be acceptable if the ex was toxic, but it can also be a red flag if they talk negatively about most of their past relationships. See also: 人际关系中的红旗)
• 他们在情感上是开放的、可利用的。

The most important thing is to listen to your healthy gut feeling (which is a different thing than fears and self-doubt that might be coming from your childhood – more about it in 如何做出更好的决定？)

I recommend discussing your concerns about your partner’s past relationship with them directly. If they are healthy and honest, they will likely validate your feelings and share their own in a calm and transparent manner. Pay attention to their non-verbal communication to see if it is open and congruent or if it appears tense and guarded. Be mindful of whether they attempt to gaslight you or shift the focus by criticizing you. (Keep in mind that if this topic has already been a source of conflict, your partner might feel attacked or controlled by repeated questioning, which could lead to avoidant behavior. Excessive jealousy can sometimes create an environment where a partner feels it is not safe to speak openly.)

Another important factor to consider, especially if you are preoccupied with comparisons to your partner’s past relationships, is your own self-worth and confidence. People who feel secure and confident in their value are not troubled by such comparisons. This inner confidence also makes them more attractive.

Rather than dwelling on your partner’s past relationship, consider using this as an opportunity for personal growth and healing. When you start to feel insecure or doubtful, shift your focus to practicing self-love. Our 此处的指导练习 可以在这个过程中为你提供支持。当你建立起健康的自尊时，你会发现自己更加信任自己，从而更容易做出人际关系的决定。

继续阅读：

与前任保持联系可以吗？

When Hope is a “Negative” Emotion

绿旗：如何识别健康的人际关系？

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