约会中的绿旗：如何识别健康的关系？

问题:约会和人际关系中有哪些 "绿旗"？如何知道我的新恋情是否健康？

回答:您可能需要阅读这篇文章 人际关系中的红旗 and make sure everything is the other way around. Jokes aside, the essential “green flags” i.e. personal traits one needs to have to be a good partner are: 1) empathy, 2) responsibility, 3) respectful and considerate communication, 4) emotional awareness, 5) healthy self esteem. I wrote more about this in the article 爱情能持续 3 年？

当一个人守时、始终如一、积极倾听、检查你是否同意他的建议、尊重你的底线、情感开放、以尊重的态度表达不同意见、表现得真诚自然时，约会中的一些绿色信号就会很早就显示出来。

However, many people present themselves positively at first. They may intuitively sense what you want to see and hear, and communicate accordingly. If you’re eager to see green flags, you might see them too early. Early on, during the so-called ‘honeymoon phase,’ both our hopes and our hormones can enhance our confirmation bias and cause us to diminish potential problems. Some people report not noticing their spouses’ bad habits and traits until after marriage. You probably don’t want to spend so much time in vain. So how to get an accurate impression of someone relatively quickly?

收集印象

On early dates, avoid directly asking confrontational and sensitive questions. Focus on “听字里行间。” While your date talks about random topics, notice the underlying emotions, attitudes, and beliefs they seem to communicate. Notice if they align with your values and your personality.

倾听他们的故事和轶事，关注他们所表现出的同理心、责任感、情感平衡和成熟度：

• 他们在生活的其他方面（工作、金钱、健康、其他关系）是否表现出负责任的行为？
• 他们经常表达什么样的情感？
• Do they show interest in others’ feelings?
• 他们把时间、精力和金钱花在了什么地方？
• 他们对不重要的人尊重吗？
• 他们是否深思熟虑？他们是否表达了复杂的观点，而不是过于简单化的思维？
• 他们支持你的兴趣和梦想吗？
• 他们是否认识到其行为对自己和他人造成的长期后果？
• 他们是否独立于父母并尊重你的界限？
• 他们会自我反省，客观地质疑自己的情绪和行为吗？

您可以给他们说话的空间，询问他们的家庭、爱好和兴趣，从而收集印象。当你讨论自己的生活、感受和价值观时，注意他们的反应。他们是否表示理解、接受和同情？一开始，避免直接争论，以免他们开始隐藏真实的自己。

比较约会中的红旗和绿旗

避免过早感情用事。查看文章 关于恋爱的 20 多节必修课 and pay attention to potential “traps”. Make sure you like and feel comfortable with who your date is now, rather than falling in love with their potential.

Besides noticing the green flags, consider any red flags carefully, especially if they appear early on. Once you feel you’ve learned enough, respectfully discuss potential red flags and ask your date for their opinion. Observe their response: do they become defensive, dismissive, or aggressive? Or do they see your point of view and show interest in cooperation without glossing over issues?

Empathy, emotional awareness, and responsibility can help resolve some behavioral or communication problems. However, if any of these qualities are missing, problems are likely to worsen over time. Therefore, it’s important to look for the green flags in dating too, not only the red ones.

更多信息

人际关系中的红旗

Falling In Love With “Bad Guys” (And Girls)

为结婚或同居做准备

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