真实的自我

儿童与镜像

人类能够产生奇妙、深沉、复杂的情感，激发出热烈的爱与欢乐。然而，人们往往很难长时间与这些情感保持联系。

只有通过家人的反馈，幼儿才能体验到对自己及其行为的反思. Emotional feedback from other people enables them to get in touch with their own emotions. If people around a child cannot see, recognize and appreciate that child’s true being, that child has no foundation to do it alone. Thus, little by little, they will lose contact with their true selves, even if they experience no obvious or serious trauma. Similarly, as muscles atrophy if not used, our sense of true self can also “atrophy”. This is not the best expression though – who we are cannot truly atrophy – but if we lose our ability to be aware of and express our honest emotions, the consequences can appear this way.

在与客户合作时，我们经常会探究他们与自己失去联系的部分。通常，这些是自我中最温和、最温暖的部分，是对世界和自己最信任的部分。

如果你检查 痛处 当你感到被轻视和批评时，你可能会觉得 你的真实自我被忽视 而你的行为中一些不重要的部分却被任意解释。

年龄回归

我们似乎都有 稚气, which, based on prior experiences, might make us feel rejected and unappreciated even in situations when this is not realistic: for example when somebody else is praised; or when we are asked to do something that we do not feel comfortable about; or when we hear an opinion which is different from our own. Even such benign situations can trigger childish emotions. It feels worse when somebody acts with outright arrogance and disrespect. In such moments, it can be very difficult to stay adult and not to respond in a similar manner – that is, to lose sight of the other’s true being.

激发排斥感并不一定需要特定的触发因素。 缺乏情感意识的环境 就足够了。只要与那些不能真正看到和欣赏自己和他人的人接触，就会削弱小孩子的自我意识，促使他们成长为类似的人。

当你漫步在城市中时，你会反复回味那种不愉快的经历和氛围。你会遇到一些人，甚至是孩子，他们空洞、冷漠甚至轻蔑的面孔会促使你闭上眼睛。在微妙的方面，这些遭遇中的每一个，即使你没有单独注意到，都是对你早期经历的确认。如果不表达出来，我们的真实本性和最深切的感受就会被遗忘。

赞赏和同情

我们都有自己的人生战役，有时我们会觉得没有人看到或欣赏它们。有时确实如此。但另一方面 我们有多少次注意到并欣赏他人的努力?很少。对自己和他人抱有这样的期望在这个社会是不现实的，因为很少有人学会如何做到这一点。

想象一下，生活在这样的人群中，即使你并不完美，他们也能真正看到并接纳你。如果你能以同样的方式接纳其他人，你会有什么感觉？

指望我们或其他人仅凭理性思维就能做到这一点是不现实的。我们可能会认为他人 应 但这并不容易。我们和其他人都需要时间来愈合伤口。

如果我们排斥自己的某些部分，就无法看到和欣赏他人. I notice that sometimes when I strive to understand others, parts of me ask: “And what about me?” Sometimes I feel an irrational fear that if I truly respect others, I have to reject myself or accept inappropriate behavior. Such infantile fears are not in line with reality – but we should not ignore them either. We should acknowledge that they exist and work with them through kindness.

防御机制

有时，你可能想表现得比别人更成熟，这样你就可以 高高在上.这不能解决问题，只能掩盖问题。

即使我们觉得某人真的看到或接受了我们内心深处的感受，我们也会怀疑他们的诚意，或者怀疑自己是否值得这样的接受。如果我们经常在情感上被操纵或利用，我们甚至会怀疑他们在操纵我们。

个人发展的一个常见障碍是，这种 離解 is so normal that we hardly notice it. Sometimes, for a moment, we may become aware of this problem, yet when the crisis is over we easily fall back to an “it-could-be-worse” attitude. Why not “还可以“?

No matter how much I would like that, I don’t believe that it is possible to change your personality working on the rational level only. We need to 关注内心，通过深刻的情感体验进行疗愈. After that, we can practice awareness and action from the center of our being. It takes time to learn to act like this in everyday life – if for decades our true being had no contact with outer reality. Still, it is possible. Maybe you cannot even imagine how much beauty you can find in yourself once you start to search.

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