传统的性别角色能否奏效？

By traditional gender roles, many people presume that the man works outside the home to earn money, while the woman takes on the roles of mother and housewife. (Throughout most of human history, this wasn’t actually the norm, as women also had to work to ensure the family’s survival in addition to managing household chores.) Such gender roles make the woman dependent on the man for many of her basic needs, while also adding extra pressure on the man to earn money. Such imbalance often leads to loss of respect and trust, and can easily result in power abuse, including physical abuse.

The woman may feel like a slave, working all day without a salary and perhaps enduring disrespect and abuse on top of that. She may feel infantilized, imprisoned in her home, cut off from opportunities to explore her potential. The man might resent the financial imbalance and may dismiss the value of the woman’s work.

传统性别角色中权力和机会的不平衡会导致情感和沟通问题，即使双方都是出于好意。例如，由于缺乏其他施加影响的手段，女性可能会采取唠叨、操纵或扮演受害者的方式。另一方面，男性可能会以否定、不尊重或退缩作为回应，觉得自己缺乏一个平等的伴侣。

在传统的父权制社会中，妇女通常受教育程度很低，因为人们认为她们将继续做家庭主妇。缺乏教育就会被当作借口，被贴上能力低下的标签，被当作二等公民对待。未受过教育的妇女也不太可能成为激励子女的榜样。

在传统社会中，男女双方在选择伴侣时往往受到严重限制，因为在婚前很少有机会探索人际关系和兼容性。此外，他们可能会发现很难离开不幸福的婚姻。

传统性别角色对儿童情绪健康的影响

Children born into such marriages often witness exploitation, power games, emotional coldness, disrespect, and various forms of abuse. They are likely to model parts of those behaviors. Witnessing traditional gender roles, little girls are often taught that they cannot fulfill their dreams unless a man is willing to do so for them. Little boys are taught to be competitive, aggressive, and power-hungry to be able to support multiple people with their earnings. They might also learn that it’s normal that they have more freedom and less responsibilities than girls.

Furthermore, children are likely to take for granted the parent who is with them all the time (mother), while idealizing the parent who is absent or distant most of the time (father). They might resent the mother’s constant struggles to discipline them, while admiring the father’s financial power and independence. Since adult people see the world through the lens of what they experienced in their childhood, they are likely to project their feelings for their mother and father onto women and men in general.

In traditional patriarchal families, it’s also very common that a lonely, unfulfilled mother will turn to a son as a substitute partner (情感乱伦). The son may feel privileged, but in the same time pays a high price by losing his own identity and boundaries. Such a mother can be very jealous of her daughter in law, and may try to keep her son’s love for herself. She might also, sadly, project her own self-disdain and self-hate onto her own daughters and even granddaughters.

传统的性别角色何时才能发挥作用？

Can traditional gender roles ever work to the benefit of all? I have seen it work well a few times, but more often, I have observed the negative outcomes described above. For such a relationship to succeed, the man must genuinely respect the woman’s work and consider it equally valuable as his own. The woman must genuinely enjoy housework and childcare and have few if any other ambitions. The man should feel good with the responsibility of being the sole provider.  The woman must be okay with having no financial security of her own and relying on her partner for money. Both partners need to possess excellent communication skills and maintain these preferences over decades.

In modern society, the man also needs to have an above average income to be able to support both his wife and children on a single salary. Otherwise, women who are not satisfied with their husbands’ income may put pressure on them to earn more, which can become a source of continuous strife. Some men with low income can feel inadequate, or even unworthy of getting married if their salary is not high enough.

虽然有些家庭可能会在相互尊重和真正同意传统性别角色的情况下取得成功，但这只是例外情况，而非普遍现象。大多数情况下，这些动态会成为滋生怨恨的温床，使过时的性别规范和强迫依赖永久化。

在我看来，那些试图限制女性从事家务和育儿工作的人，也应该试图限制男性只从事繁重的体力劳动，这样至少在挫折和未开发的潜能方面是平等的，每个人都可以在永恒的石器时代幸福地生活下去。

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