当人们害怕自己的情绪时

Awareness of and connection with our emotions can bring us many wonderful benefits: inner peace, support and friendship with ourselves, wealth of inner life, self-esteem, resistance to stress, creativity, understanding of ourselves and others, calm and adult behavior and self-expression… But still, many if not most people try to avoid their own emotions like the proverbial devil avoids incense, despite the fact that it causes them all sorts of problems in life. Why?

当然，有些情绪是不愉快的。但是，一旦我们停止与它们对抗，当我们关注并承认它们时，不愉快的情绪通常会变得明显缓和，部分甚至会转化为愉悦的情绪。此外，当我们学会认识到自己的情绪是对过去而非现在的反应时，我们就能以一种更轻松、更理性的方式来对待它们，并更容易地解决它们。因此，我们越了解自己的情绪，它们对我们的控制就越少。

FD Roosevelt once said, “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” But even fear is not to be feared, and especially not fear of one’s own emotions. We need to recognize it, understand where it comes from, is it realistic or not, and then act in accordance with what we find out. Here are some of the most common reasons why people avoid their own inner world:

• • 童年习惯和不良模式.无论是父母以身作则告诉我们如何避免情绪化，还是他们 让我们沉默、受惩罚或难堪 for expressing emotions, we often get the impression, as children, that emotions are something we’d better hide, suppress, not have – in other words, that emotions are something 危险的 . The more we then get used to avoiding emotions, the more chaotic, 未知和不可预知 they will seem to us – and it’s in human nature to fear the unknown. What 父母害怕, the child will especially fear. Thus, avoiding emotions is often a “hereditary” syndrome.

• • 害怕发现自己的缺点.部分原因是对未知事物的恐惧，因为对我们来说，未知事物通常比熟悉事物更糟糕、更可怕、更难以预测。部分原因是父母的批评和惩罚，如上所述，这些批评和惩罚可能会让我们认为自己的情绪不好，内心的某些东西是坏的、不可接受的。这种 "不好 "的感觉，这种 "本质上是错误的 "的感觉，是我们最想避免和抵御的。  
    然而，通常情况下，我们并不是心理变态者，我们的情绪如果得到认可和接受，通常会有以下结果 积极意图, even if we didn’t have much chance to learn to express them constructively. Suppressing and ignoring them since childhood is most often what makes them destructive. Children’s anger and defiance harbor a positive pursuit of freedom and the expressing of their own identities, while sadness might be called “thwarted love.” If anger is punished and sadness is ridiculed, they cannot be processed and released, but remain trapped in us, and, we might say,”fester”. Such emotions can over time be masked by arrogance, destruction, contempt, hatred and the like. It is easy for a well-meaning person to experience such emotions in themselves as bad and unacceptable. But if we allow ourselves to look deeper into them, as a rule, we will discover the original good intentions or natural needs.

• • 害怕失去控制和不知所措, either internally, in your own mind, or in external behavior. This is essentially the fear that we will turn out to be weak, like children. Children’s emotions can be very intense, and if parents do not help us learn how to deal with them (but try to suppress them, as described above), we may subconsciously feel that we will again 逆反情绪一旦爆发，我们就会不知所措，失去现实感。实事求是地说，作为成年人，我们通常有足够好的视角、经验、理性思维和超脱能力，所以我们可以应对情绪，尤其是如果我们在平静和安全的环境中探索情绪、习惯情绪的话。但我们中的一些人可能还没有意识到这一点。

• • 害怕出现不愉快的回忆. Some of our early traumas are the result of childhood exaggeration and misunderstanding, and some can be the result of abuse, neglect and parental immaturity. In any case, we can fear bringing them into consciousness. This is understandable, but often it is enough to change your attitude towards emotions to make them much less scary and uncomfortable. If you adopt the view that remembering a trauma is not the same as the trauma itself, that feelings are not as intense and frightening when viewed with a time lag, and that intense feelings are not by themselves dangerous or overwhelming, then you do not have to be afraid of dealing with traumatic memories. (Note: I’m talking about healthy people here. If you have a diagnosed mental disorder, or suspect you might have one, seek a professional to help you deal with strong feelings.)

• • 害怕意识到自己的重大失误和失败。 Emotions make us aware of what we really want, what hurts us, what our core values ​​are. Recognizing that for many years we may have ignored or acted against these desires and values, can lead to feeling of strong 对自己的失望 和自我批评，尤其是当我们的自尊和自我同情已经很低的时候。后悔错失良机或过去的错误是一种很难的感觉，因为这是我们无法再改变的事情（与幼稚的情绪不同）。然而，认识到这一点并重新调整自己的生活方向，宜早不宜迟，宜迟不宜早。您可以 使用 以遗憾为动力 使自己的余生过得充实。一路上，你还有机会练习 同情自己，原谅自己 和积极的内部对话。

• 害怕变化。 每一种情绪都是一种行动的冲动，一旦我们把成人情绪和儿童情绪区分开来、 选择与机遇 我们习惯于忽视和压抑的恐惧可能会出现在我们面前。每一次改变都会让我们面对未知，因此对未知的恐惧也会自动出现。如果是我们早年的家庭破坏了我们的选择，也可能会出现对惩罚的恐惧。
  Perhaps our family also taught us that we mustn’t make 错误他们认为，错误是不可饶恕和不可接受的，唯一可以接受的方式就是保持在已知和安全的范围内。新的和未知的事物总是意味着犯错误，尤其是在开始的时候。然后，我们需要学习 改变我们对错误的态度当我们犯错时，我们要理解这些错误是学习的一部分，并为自己提供支持。见 如何克服犯错恐惧.)

认识到自己的感受并为之负责，不仅会给我们自己，也会给我们的环境，尤其是孩子和其他亲近的人带来更多的平静与和谐。如果我们认识到其他人和环境只是触发了我们过去的情绪，而不是其起因，我们就不太可能对周围的人做出不经意的、不成熟的反应和抨击。我们还能发展出更多的内在力量和内在支持，从而做出比以往更有意义的努力。

So, step boldly into the rainforest of your inner world and do not be afraid of dragons and monsters, they are just illusions anyway. I believe this will prove much safer, and even more enjoyable, than you expected. I bet you’ll find all sorts of hidden treasures, too.

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