与自己的情感亲密接触

Every method of personal development that requires clients’ cooperation and emotional involvement, assumes that the clients will have adequate awareness of their emotions for the work to be successful. It’s unusual to find books or workshops that include a different possibility. In practice, however, this ideal is not always achievable.

与我共事的人中，大约有 20%（来找我的大多数人都是自我激励型的，因此我猜测在一般人群中这一比例更高）都非常 与情感脱节 通常不会对其进行更深入的探索，而只是停留在最肤浅的层面上。这表现在几个方面：

– they cannot 将个人情感与外部环境分开 并对其进行独立研究（即探索其他可能的原因）

– they cannot describe deeper and 更深层次的情感 除了最明显或最强烈的

– they 不能认识到这些情绪的根源是什么信念.

一般来说，这类人无法注意到并彻底探索自己不同层次的情绪，因此他们往往 局限于理性分析.理性分析适用于客观的、可测量的外部事件，而我们的情感生活并不遵循同样的规则。

我发现这是成功辅导或治疗的主要障碍。很多时候，客户都意识到了这一点，但尽管他们做了很多努力，他们还是会觉得自己的情感意识一直在流失，以至于他们开始 怀疑自己的感受能力 他们的情绪。

情感层

由于情感比思想更具有本能性，我认为没有情感的人是不存在的（除了那些有罕见神经问题的人）。说一个人没有情感，就好像说他不会思考或呼吸一样。情感是我们自我意识的基础，也是我们对自己的认知。 重要信息来源 我们的环境和我们自己。正如我们无法长时间停止思考一样，我们更不可能没有感觉。如果我们忽视这种天赋能力，避免去感知，它就会变得越来越弱或越来越少，但 通过练习，我们可以让它变得更强 又来了

我们不仅会不断体验情绪，而且每个人在任何时刻都可能进入丰富、复杂的情绪状态。有些情绪持续时间较长，较为微妙，感觉就像我们人格的基础，而其他层面的情绪则更为强烈，但持续时间较短。有些情绪极其温和而微妙，它们只出现在一瞬间，但是 可以开启不寻常的思想和感知之门，创造力和直觉。

与我们的情感亲密接触，会让我们开启一种 深刻的认同感 – a strong inner core, which is not accessible through our rational minds only. People who are not in touch with it, might live their whole lives in an almost robotic way, putting bureaucracy and trivial everyday details above their own and others’ humanity; or they might feel chronically “scattered” and lost.

原因和后果

情感分离的根源往往隐藏在数十年的回避和压抑背后。这通常始于 child’s emotions are humiliated, punished or ignored 家长和教师。其他原因包括 创伤和关系失望 对孩子来说，这些都是难以承受的痛苦。这没有短期的解决办法。对于面临这个问题的人，我通常会建议他们至少练习几个月，让自己更加了解自己的情绪，然后我们才能继续进行治疗。

Sometimes, through Integrative Systemic Coaching, we can explore what was the cause of dissociation – but, as Integrative Systemic Coaching is based on emotional experience, this must be explored on an emotional level too. Without the client having some awareness of what they feel, it is very difficult to explore their subconscious.

在个人辅导或治疗中，解离可能表现为

• • 理性分析 对情境（通常是外部细节）缺乏情感意识和洞察力

• • 对情感问题缺乏有用的答案

• • the client often offers different rational theories, memories or ideas instead (or very often answers “I don’t know”)

• • 难以用语言表达情绪或保持意识 一种情感

• • 一个人 无法区分成熟和不成熟的情感、 即适当的与不适合特定情况的区分

• • 一个人无法识别或说出被压抑的 记忆

• • Sometimes clients reject the idea that the root of the problem might be in a situation or circumstances that they cannot consciously remember. For example, one client told me: “Why do you ask me about my childhood? My childhood has nothing to do with how I feel! I am under stress because of how other people around me behave.“. This seems obvious to people who are not aware of their unconscious processes. When we learn to explore beneath the surface of our experiences, we can find the reasons why people react so differently to similar circumstances.

• • 不了解或主动拒绝 责任 for one’s own emotions, as a result of lack of consciousness of their underlying causes

• • 这种人通常 期待立竿见影的解决方案他们往往希望他人和/或外部环境会有所改变。

有时，通过以下途径与这类客户合作会更容易些 比喻 – symbolic images. However, this kind of work still requires them to, to some extent, give up conscious control and allow spontaneous associations, so difficulties can also occur.

发展意识 

如果你在这些描述中认识到了自己，我的主要建议是在以下方面长期努力 提高认识 of your body and emotions. Practice daily observation and detailed exploration of your emotions. You can find additional help in other approaches that intensify bodily consciousness, like meditation, dance, aromatherapy, massage, and bathing – activities that combine working on your physical body with a relaxed consciousness.

我们的情感体验存在于多个层面，就像我们的人格包括各种子人格一样。 我们人格的不同部分可能会对相同的情况有不同的体验因此，我们可能会有相互冲突的情绪。此外，有时某些情绪可能会试图隐藏或掩盖其他情绪；例如，愤怒通常会掩盖羞耻、恐惧或不足感，而悲伤则可能会掩盖一个习惯于不表达愤怒的人的愤怒。我们可能会觉得有必要指责他人，以避免自己的自责。诸如此类。 

If we are dissociated from our own feelings, we might only be able to recognize the strongest, most obvious emotions, not noticing all the other layers. Then our perspective of the situation will be very limited, which might motivate unconstructive behaviour with unpleasant consequences. As we all know, it’s easy to notice when somebody else has “tunnel vision”, but not so easy when it’s our turn.   

许多人学会了 有些情绪在意识到之前就已被抑制.即使我们试图提高意识，这种自动抑制也会让我们感觉像在水中寻找肥皂：我们可能只是在一瞬间意识到某种情绪，但它很容易就从意识中消失了，因为某些情绪会在我们的意识中消失。 防御机制 迅速激活。我们越早学会压抑某种情绪，就越难改变这种习惯；我们建立自我意识和性格的习惯，比我们很少经历或晚年才经历的习惯更难质疑。 

Children younger than 3 years (at least – and probably more) don’t have enough rational brain development to process experience intellectually. At that age, experience is processed on a more instinctive, emotional level, and resulting imprints are stored on that level, too. Such 早期的情感印记无法通过理性思维来解决这就是为什么读一本有深度的书或理性地意识到问题的原因很少有足够的帮助。我们需要触及潜意识中的情感部分。但如果一个人阻止自己意识到自己的情绪，他可能就无法触及那么深。 

Often, people who seem more insecure, weak or even neurotic might be closer to actually solving their problems than people who don’t show any weakness. People who are aware of their fears, shame, and other insecurities have already gone through the process of acknowledging them, which is the first step in healing. People who hide their insecurities behind masks of rationality or absolute self-confidence might have a longer way to go. 

如何探索自己的情绪

选择一些你自己难以接受的东西，一些你不喜欢并希望摆脱的东西。花点时间，尽你所能 接受并承认 this feeling. You might also become aware of some other parts of you which are fighting that feeling, trying to suppress it and deny it. If you notice the feeling you are working on slipping away from your focus, you can “refresh” it by remembering a situation which triggered it. 

问问你的这一部分 它真正想要和需要的是什么？ from fulfilling those needs in healthy ways? Check how old does this part of you feel – does it feel like an emotion of a child, an adult, or maybe a teenager? Give as much love and adult perspective to that part of you as you can. Even if facing such emotions might be unpleasant in the beginning, you might notice that 你越接受它们，它们就越温和 (但一定要接受它们，不要沉溺其中或相信它们所说的话）。 这样，你不仅能对自己，也能对他人产生更多的爱和同情。 

要完全化解这种情绪，你可能需要化解创伤和/或关系纽带，这就比较复杂了。但是，接纳和同情自己的感受是重要的一步，可以给你带来很大的安慰。 

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