如何克服犯错恐惧

错误是最好的学习方式

许多父母会给孩子灌输害怕犯错的思想。然而，犯错不仅是正常的，而且是必要的。它们不仅是必要的，甚至可以是可取的。为什么是可取的？因为它们 最好、最快的学习方法。 Can you imagine a person who never makes mistakes? How is it possible for such a person to ever learn anything? They are more likely to avoid new experiences and confine themselves to routine, robotic behaviors.

Educators, and hopefully parents, are aware that children (and adults) learn the most from experience, not from theories and words. As a rule, this experience is based on many mistakes. 每一个错误都会促使我们的思维切换到一个更高的档位。 我们不仅有意识，而且无意识地学习 为什么 某件事根本就不是错误（例如，如果我们没有意识到后果）、 如何 它是如何产生的（是思维定势、感知错误，还是身体动作），以及如何减少今后发生这种错误的可能性。

因此、 错得越多，信心越足, since it is from these mistakes that we learn how to avoid them and how to improve. Children who haven’t been allowed to make mistakes don’t have the opportunity to develop such confidence, so they can feel blocked and insecure all their lives. It’s frustrating how many parents don’t seem to understand something so simple and logical.

教育与社会

Many parents act as though forbidding mistakes will enable their children to be perfect, while in reality the opposite is true. Whenever we learn something new and complicated, we must repeat some mistakes, but some parents seem to attribute repeated children’s mistakes to bad intentions or even stupidity. They may not really mean it, they may just repeat what they have heard from their own parents, but children don’t know that and such parental comments can easily take roots in their minds.

此外，许多父母批评孩子犯错，却很少向他们解释 改怎么做. Children can then feel lost and insecure – they feel they need to come to a solution as soon as possible, but they have no experience to do it. Adult people may feel such childhood feelings emerging in new situations they lack experience with. Instead of recognizing that they need to create experience through mistakes, they may expect themselves to know everything at once, while at the same time knowing it is impossible. The stress this creates can further block them from using their adult resources.

这种对待错误的态度往往会从家庭蔓延到社会，因此，孩子们会互相轻视，经常被老师轻视，成年后，一个人可以 project intolerance of one’s own mistakes and self-非议. When working with US clients, I often hear that some segments of US society are particularly intolerant and insensitive when it comes to (someone else’s) mistakes, such as wrong choice of partners, reckless or inexperienced young people’s decisions, financial decisions that prove wrong, all of which is often attributed to irresponsibility and bad character. Even if the consequences of such a mistake are much more painful than one deserves, it is not uncommon in US society for such a person to be further trodden down and disproportionately punished. This seems to be a consequence of the Puritan religion, which spread into the mainstream culture.

但在世界上的大多数地方，即使不是成年人，至少儿童也是非常正常的。 受到不相称的惩罚 and disproportionately criticized for unintentional and petty mistakes. In this way, parents strive to make their lives easier and to ensure that children learn to control themselves as soon as possible. In doing so, however, they do long-term damage to both the child’s self-esteem and his or her own relationship with the child.

如何发展内部支持

Perhaps you have learned to expect punishment, unpleasant results and unpleasant reactions by people around you as soon as you make even a small step outside of the familiar. It’s true that some people will try to control you or boost their own ego in such a way. If this is what was normal in your childhood, your mind can be focused on that and ignore or dismiss the more positive experiences. Yet if you allow yourself to acknowledge these, too, you might be pleasantly surprised by the number of people who will be sympathetic, tolerant or at least neutral to your imperfections. Most people are aware that most mistakes are done without bad intentions. Invest effort into training your brain to notice such people and acknowledge them, while ignoring the others.

在做决定时，要学会倾听和依靠潜意识中浪费掉的信息储备。这篇文章 如何教孩子运用直觉 对成年人也适用。也许你的父母训练你不相信自己的直觉和内心的声音，但只要有一些勇气和练习，这也是可以改变的。

当你想到自己可能犯错时，会自发地产生哪些想法和画面？它们是支持、同情的想法，还是自我批评、贬低、愤怒、嘲笑和被周围人拒绝的心理图像？对许多人来说，后者是正常的，它源于他们的童年和成长方式。

For the childish parts of our subconscious minds, parents are still the supreme authority, even when we grow up, so it can be difficult to “erase” their images and voices from our heads. But with effort and perseverance, it is possible. First and foremost, practice making conscious 改变你的内部对话 这样你就会不断提醒自己，犯错不仅是正常的，而且是有益的，是学习的最佳途径。如果你能想象这种支持来自父母，那就更好了，因为父母对你的潜意识仍有重要影响。

When I work with clients, I pay a lot of attention to healing relationships with their parents. Part of this is to recognize that parents (as a rule) did not want you to develop toxic beliefs about yourself, but simply did not know better and repeated the parenting strategies to which they were exposed. Then you might consider how parents really wanted you to feel about your mistakes – usually, they simply wanted you to pay attention, to remember; not to sabotage, insult or demean yourself. If you can imagine your 父母支持你，即使你犯了错误这是重塑潜意识的最佳方法。如果你需要帮助，我们就在这里。