你太敏感了吗？

Emotional “hypersensitivity” is a relative category, just like various types of sensory sensitivities. Can somebody tell you that you are “overly sensitive” to chili, for example? People are differently sensitive to sounds, smells, tastes – and emotions as well. 不同的灵敏度有不同的优缺点. For example, I’m very sensitive to sounds. This can create problems for me in cities, as there is always at least one person nearby who enjoys very loud low quality music or something similar. Noise can trigger physiological nervousness for me, even anxiety. On the other hand, this enables a heightened musical awareness, as well as generally more information received through sounds (or, as I was once told, I can hear a mouse snoring at the other end of the village).

高度敏感的利弊

情感的敏感度也类似。如果你的情感强烈而细腻，你就能更好地欣赏书籍和任何一种艺术，你就能创作出更多的作品。 更温暖、更友好的关系您可以 有创意有 丰富内心 或高于平均水平 气节.另一方面，您在孩提时代可能经历过 精神创伤 更容易，而作为成年人，你可能很难 粗人和无情的交流。其他人可能会觉得你继续保持关系的标准太高了。

A highly sensitive person is likely to perceive other people’s feelings as equally important as his/her own (甚至更重要，取决于其早期家庭的影响）。从道德的角度看，这是一种优势，但可能意味着他人的情感和言语会被 不健康也要重视 不现实。这会导致 自责 这样的人可能会感到被冒犯，作为一种防御反应，自信心也会降低。

高度敏感的人还 比平均处理时间更长 所有的感官/情感信息都会向他们袭来。 这通常在新的或意想不到的情况下更为明显。这样做的好处是，你能比大多数人接收到更多的信息。更多的信息会让你的直觉更好，意识更敏锐，决策更明智。但它也可能意味着对以下方面的敏感性 感觉超载比一般人更容易感到压力和疲劳，以及 反应迟钝 可能会让你在社交中显得笨拙，让你怀疑自己是否不如别人聪明。有些理论认为，自闭症是感官敏感的极端表现，会导致持续的感官超负荷。如果有更多的人意识到这一点，也许我们就能更加体贴对方。 

不思进取的借口

“你太敏感了！“, though, is one of the most common excuses for careless, irresponsible communication. Practically everybody has within at least some need for power over others. This can create pleasant feelings if we can mildly hurt or put other people down in communication. For some people, this happens rarely. Others might find this kind of pleasure one of the essential parts of their communication. Such people usually believe that it’s normal and that because they feel good, it means everything is all right. They are likely to tell you that “you are too sensitive” so that they could 避免质疑自己在权力斗争中的乐趣. (One of possible responses: “People are differently sensitive; what I want to know is what did you hope to achieve with such communication?”)

One’s communication style often depends of 家庭传统, even regional traditions. A part of my family comes from a region where criticism is a basic and most common form of communication, often even used to express “positive” emotions. My great-aunt from this region used to say: “What’s the point of this?” or “I don’t understand why you do all this” when I would talk to her about my work or my books. (I must say that, lately, she doesn’t say such things anymore; now she says, “I don’t know from whom did you get such a hard-working attitude; this certainly didn’t come from our side of the family!” 😀 )

If somebody comes from such a family or culture, they will be surprised if you comment on their communication style. They will most likely say, “The way I talk is absolutely normal!” It is, for them. Of course, there are highly sensitive people born in such areas, too. Sometimes these are the people who, in such an environment, build the highest walls towards others and learn to reject most of their own emotions and personality. They can adopt 粗暴交流是一种防御机制 并使其更加粗糙。

健康和不健康的敏感性

另一方面，有些人 是 在人际关系中过于敏感。这些人通常会扮演 受害者角色, or who feel a need to prove that they are “better” than others through 完美主义 in communication. In USA, it’s popular lately to say, “This is offensive!” or, “I am offended!” if you disagree with something another person says. This is often used to avoid responsible communication.

一些迹象表明您可能 真是太敏感了 在交流中：

1) 你 主动寻求 你可以批评或解释为 有攻击性 in other people’s communication

2) 你觉得 受到批评或意见分歧的威胁 even if it’s reasonable and constructively expressed

3) 你觉得有把握 快感或权力 如果可以的话 指责他人 对你不好

4) 你指责别人进行了不恰当的交流，以便 改变他们的意见或行为 随心所欲

5) 你容易感到 自怜.

一些迹象表明你的敏感度可能高于平均水平，但 在健康范围内:

1) 你 尊重和温暖 在人际关系中，并积极寻求这种关系

2) 您愿意 考虑适当的批评意见 和分歧

3) 你对粗鲁行为感到受伤和失望，因为 失去信任和联系感 不是因为自怨自艾，也不是因为觉得自己比别人强

4) you do not feel pleasure or power if you criticize another person’s communication; if you do it, you do it in hope to achieve 更好的理解和信任 将来。

如果你对交流和情感很敏感，这将是一个很大的优势。它可以激励你，帮助你创造 人缘极好.另一方面，你需要接受一个事实，那就是大多数人都没有你那么敏感。 避免指责他人 为此。尽量不要将他们的沟通方式视为个人问题，也不要将其视为性格不好的表现。如果要批评，也要批评具体的行为，而不是整个性格。

On the other hand, keep in mind that it’s absolutely 渴望并寻求愉快的人际关系 以及喜欢体贴、热情交流的人。 You don’t have to be compatible with everyone. You don’t have to stay in relationships in which communication is too disappointing and you cannot achieve the level of trust and closeness you want. It’s important, if you decide to end a certain relationship, not to do it with an attitude that the other person is bad, but that you are simply leaving to look for something that works better for you.

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