情感成熟度测试（第 2 部分）

有评论的要点

1. 我的国家毫无希望。我想移民！

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+1

Explanation: “Yes” indicates focusing on the negative, generalizing, black and white thinking, playing the victim – especially if you live in Europe, North America or other moderately developed parts of the world. Even if you emigrated, you may not end up in better conditions. Your life depends primarily on your proactivity and behavior, less on where you live – especially now, with the whole internet on your disposal. There are also many good people around you, if you pay attention to them. You might feel more fulfilled if you focus on how you can work on stimulating and improving the quality of life in your country. Note: a decision to emigrate is not by itself immature; this questions refers to complaining and generalizing.


2. 我国在历史上有着特殊的地位。

是：+3，否：0，也许/有时：+2

Explanation: “Yes” indicates tribal mentality, following biological need for power, a need to feel better than others (without actually doing much to distinguish yourself constructively), arrogance, lack of knowledge of history.


3. The situation in my country is the government’s fault.

是：+1，否：0，可能/有时：+0

Explanation: “Yes” indicates feeling like a victim, possible lack of responsibility or initiative, perhaps lack of knowledge. Perhaps you project your anger with parents and other early authorities onto the government.
The government is guilty if it steals, is corrupted or makes bad decisions. However, a big part of responsibility is on citizens (if they are lazy, passive, borrow money to spend it instead of investing it, choose their representatives based on superficial criteria…). Also, the world economy and politics influence every country.


4. If my intimate relationship is not perfect, it’s not the right one for me.

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+1

解释：（从别人那里）期待完美可能意味着寻找父母的替代品。通常包括逃避或不承认自己的责任。你的期望可能是由大众媒体塑造的。健康的人际关系包括挫折、分歧和冲突，但这些都可以通过相互尊重、接受差异、冷静沟通和承担责任来解决。 


5. 素食主义是愚蠢的。

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+1

Explanation: “Yes” indicates lack of knowledge, prejudice, generalizing, black and white thinking, lack of tolerance for different beliefs. While you certainly don’t have to agree with other people’s choices, labeling them as “stupid” because you disagree with them shows immaturity.


6. 吃肉的人好斗，缺乏同情心和良知。

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+1

Explanation: “Yes” indicates lack of knowledge, prejudice, generalizing, black and white thinking, lack of tolerance for different beliefs. It might indicate playing the victim and looking for somebody to project your anger with your parents to. It’s pointless to blame people for the way nature created things.


7. 我的孩子是（将会是/将会是）特别的。

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+1

Explanation: “Yes” indicates competitiveness, comparing yourself to others, false feeling of importance, seeking external approval. You might have great expectation of your children to compensate for your own lack of self-esteem and disappointments. You might idealize your child and ignore other people and their boundaries while fulfilling your child’s desires. You might avoid setting healthy boundaries to your child. You might be in danger of unintentionally committing emotional incest. 


8. 宇宙会照顾我的。


是：+1，否：0，可能/有时：0

Explanation: Dear New-Agers, sorry to shake your tree! This is a pleasant and comforting idea, but may indicate: passivity, lack of critical thinking, avoiding responsibility and proactivity, searching for a parent substitute. If you are adult, it’s your responsibility to be proactive in your life. Besides, it might be a bit arrogant to believe that you know how the universe works. 


9. I compare my body with other people’s bodies.

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+1

Explanation: it’s OK to like your body. But if you have chosen this as a measure of your confidence amongst all other possible values, it’s likely that you do not invest enough time and effort in other parts of your life. Perhaps you judge people by superficial criteria. Perhaps you are manipulated by mass-media. The same is true if the comparison results in self-criticism, too.


10. 穷人和无家可归的人自甘堕落。

是：+2，否：+1，也许/有时：+0

Explanation: “Yes” indicates lack of knowledge, prejudice, generalizing, lack of compassion, perhaps avoiding social responsibility. On the other hand, “No” can indicate feeling like a victim, passivity or oversimplifying. An individual’s life is complex – influenced by upbringing, culture, external circumstances, coincidence, politics and/or irresponsible powerful individuals – but also by his or her own decisions made from day to day.


11. 人往往比动物更可怕。

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+1

Explanation: “Yes” indicates exaggerating, generalizing, black and white thinking, lack of knowledge or ignoring the facts. Fraud, manipulation, killing because of sex or territory (including killing cubs), fighting for power, rape, slavery, scapegoats etc. exist among various animals of the same species, especially more intelligent mammals. Some animals might be friendly to humans if they see them as providers of food and safety (or if bred specifically for friendliness), but it they saw you as competition, they would act quite differently. 
Also, consider the number of people who strive to overcome their primitive instincts and act in unselfish ways. There are plenty, even if it’s easier to notice those who are aggressive. 
当然，现实中人类所犯的罪行远比动物更具创造性。然而，这并不是人类本性更坏的结果，而是人类更高的创造力、技术和人类社会的复杂性造成的，在人类社会中，不断有新的争权夺利的方式被发明出来。我们都是同一本性的一部分。


12. I’m often angry with my parents for what they did to me. 

是：+2，否：0，可能/有时：0

释义：虽然相当多的人都有理由感到愤怒，但愤怒表明你可能还携带着童年时期其他强烈的未解决的情绪，可能是无助、内疚、羞愧、觉得自己不够好等类似情绪。虽然这是可以理解的，但解决这些情绪会大大改善你的生活和人际关系。当你能够接受父母的不完美，接受自己的过去，这就是成熟的标志。


13. My partner left me for another person. I’m angry at both of them. I hope they will experience the same. (Remember or imagine such a situation.)

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+1

解释：分手很少是令人愉快的。然而，愤怒和报复表明：占有欲、缺乏同理心、控制欲、对对方的情感依赖和/或移情（对父母的感情被投射到伴侣身上）。你很可能没有考虑到自己的责任，也没有考虑到自己是如何导致你们的关系受到侵蚀的。如果一段关系发展得很好，外遇是很少会发生的。
We cannot always control emotions. People change, or perhaps they haven’t been as compatible as they thought they were from the start. It’s different if your partner deceived or otherwise abused you. That means your partner was immature anyway. If you didn’t notice lies and immaturity on time, did you pay enough attention? Did you tolerate immaturity because you were immature yourself?


14. 女人应该是女人，男人应该是男人。

是：+3，否：0，也许/有时：+1

Explanation: What does this even mean? Each of us is genetically unique, so it makes sense that there are all kinds of differences among people of the same gender. “Yes” indicates rigidity, shallowness, controlling behavior, prejudice, fear of change and difference, lack of tolerance and lack of compassion for others. This statement in essence indicates a desire to control others so that you’d be enabled to play the role you desire. If you want to give a limiting and subservient role to someone else, don’t be surprised when they don’t want to play it.


15. 女权主义已经过时了。

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+1

Explanation: “Yes” indicates lack of knowledge, prejudice, lack of compassion, not paying attention to the world around you. Perhaps you confuse feminism with militant, aggressive feminism, which indicates generalizing and black and white thinking. Patriarchate is still very present even in developed countries, although maybe in more subtle ways than stoning and acid attacks.

Feminism will be outdated when: women receive the same salaries for same qualifications as well as the same chances of promotion; when movies, TV shows and other mass media start focusing on women’s accomplishments instead of their looks, sexuality and intimate relationships; when media cease to glorify violent, egotistic and promiscuous behavior as “manly”; when sharing housework and child care becomes normal if both parents work; when women are not presented as sexual objects in the media (and instead are presented as experts and authorities as often as men); when industries stop focusing on profit only and take care of environment and social justice as well… and so on, the list is long.


16.每个人都只关心自己，所以我也必须这样做。

是：+3，否：0，也许/有时：+2

Explanation: This is a common excuse of politicians and (other) criminals for their unethical behavior. Many people use this excuse for less-than-ethical behavior on a lesser scale. The fact is, most people (science says about 65%) simply want a dignified life and cooperation with their community.”Yes” indicates avoiding responsibility, prejudice, black and white thinking, lack of compassion, lack of awareness of consequences of your behavior for yourselves and others.


17. If people let themselves be manipulated, it’s their own fault.

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+0

解释：见 10 和 16。决定操纵的人要对后果负主要责任。有些形式的操纵很微妙、很复杂，即使是聪明、有责任心的人也可能被骗。一些最终受骗的人可能年轻、缺乏经验、信任别人、慷慨大方、富有同情心，也可能年事已高，丧失了认知能力。甚至是愚蠢的，但他们基因中缺乏潜力仍然不是他们的错。


18. 没有伴侣，我的生活就失去了意义。

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+1

解释：分手时伤心是可以的，但绝望是不健康的：分手时伤心是可以的，但绝望是不健康的，它表明你的伴侣是你父母的替代品。一个成熟的人会认识到他/她并不依赖于他/她的伴侣，他/她会在内心而不是在外界寻求满足。


19. 决定不要孩子的人是自私的，没有爱的能力。

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+0

Explanation: “Yes” indicates prejudice, lack of tolerance for differences, black and white thinking. Child-bearing can also be motivated by selfish and immature reasons, while the opposite decision might well be a result of an informed and responsible attitude, especially regarding the overcrowding of the Earth. Not everybody is equally talented for anything, parenting included. People who don’t have parental instincts might give a great contribution in some other area of life (Nikola Tesla, for example).


20. It’s important to me to be noticed.

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+1

Explanation: “Yes” indicates need for power, feeling special, arrogance, a competitive attitude and/or shallowness. You might be seeking for external approval and external sources of self-confidence, instead of building your self-esteem from within.


21. It’s important to me to be able to afford luxuries.

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+1

Explanation: see entries 9 and 20. Also, “Yes” can indicate pliability, lack of creativity, lack of originality.


22. 人们应该理解我的感受。

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+0

Explanation: Are you willing to do the same for others? People usually have many of their own issues and are conditioned by their upbringing and past experiences. Nobody can read your mind. Perhaps you do not show clearly how do you feel? Your responsibility is to communicate clearly. “Yes” indicates playing the victim, avoiding responsibility, lack of compassion for others, perhaps egotism. “Sometimes” can be OK, to include the possibility of truly inconsiderate behavior of specific other people.


23. 世界正变得越来越糟糕。

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+1

Explanation: “Yes” indicates focusing on the negative, generalizing, black and white thinking, playing the victim. In the past, we would never have heard of much of injustice, crime and immaturity in the world. Much behavior that we consider unacceptable now would have been normal or even expected in the past. Today, there is more and more awareness of need for tolerance, accepting differences, social justice, ecology and compassion. There is more and more knowledge and information, more and more chance to be creative and free.


24. I don’t have the power to change much in the world. 

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+0

Explanation: “Yes” indicates playing the victim, avoiding responsibility, generalizing. This kind of thinking causes passivity and allows loud minority and predators to prevail. Perhaps you cannot have a big influence on the world, but even a small one can mean a lot.


25. 我的亲密关系应该满足我的需求。

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+0

Explanation: “Yes” indicates that your relationship with yourself is not healthy enough. Perhaps you try to escape yourself. Seeking a solution in another person, means we don’t feel worthy or able enough to create a fulfilling life. A mature person will primarily focus on finding fulfillment within. The rest is a cherry on a cake. 


26. 漂亮的衣服和/或精致的妆容意味着你喜欢自己。

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+0

Explanation: Caring for your personal style is OK by itself. Healthy self esteem doesn’t mean letting yourself go or not enjoying nice clothes. However, self-esteem and external good looks are two separate categories. Mental and emotional association between those two categories is a result of manipulation by Cosmopolitan and similar media for selling clothes and cosmetics. It also indicates the influence of a patriarchal society, which focuses on women’s looks (more and more it’s sold to men, too) as a way to be be noticed and appreciated, instead of creativity and courage.


27. 自尊意味着总是告诉别人他们应该听到什么。

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+0

Explanation: “Yes” indicates black and white thinking, simplifying, need for power, lack of awareness of your own feelings. It might be an excuse for arrogance, aggression or avoiding responsibility for how you communicate. Indicates artificial self-esteem, seeking instant solutions instead of responsible self-improvement. “Sometimes” is fine, as long as you take all the facts and points of view into consideration and express yourself in reasonable, constructive ways.


28. 我的父母给了我生命，他们 在我生命中的第一位。我和他们之间没有阻隔！

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+1

Explanation: “Yes” indicates generalizing, idealizing parents, black and white thinking, tribal mentality, rigidity, possible dependence of parental approval. You were likely conditioned by guilt. It is healthy for a child to be grateful to parents, but not to subject other important relationships to them. It is not healthy for a child to feel in debt to parents. Maturity means respecting and considering all people equally, regardless of their relationship to you.


29. 我总是跟着感觉走。

是：+2，否：0，可能/有时：+1 / 0（见解释）

Explanation: “Yes” indicates prejudice, rigidity, possible shallowness. You might have developed only some parts of your character. Perhaps you didn’t learn to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy emotions. You might be gullible. If you ignore or disparage your rational mind, you deny yourself an important source of information. A sign of maturity is in finding the balance between emotions and ratio. 

“Sometimes” brings 0 points only if you had in mind moderate, balanced emotions and situations that do not carry important consequences. Otherwise, take +1 point.


30. 如果有人真的爱我，（他）就会意识到我需要什么。

是：+2，否：0，也许/有时：+1

Explanation: Even people who love you, grew up in different circumstances and cannot read your mind. “Yes” indicates: exaggerated expectations, seeking a parent substitute, avoiding responsibility for clear communication. Perhaps you are influenced by Hollywood romance movies. You might not have developed healthy boundaries. You might resort to manipulation and criticism if such expectations are not fulfilled. 


31. It’s not my fault if people are upset or irritated with my behavior.

是：+3，否：0，可能/有时：+1 / 0（见解释）

Explanation: You are not directly responsible for others’ feelings, but you are responsible to carefully examine your behavior and find a balance between yourself and your environment. “Yes” indicates: aggressiveness, egotism, lack of compassion, arrogance, irresponsibility. 

“Sometimes” brings 0 points only if you had in mind manipulative, victim-like people, or those who are prone to exaggerating and childish behavior. However, even then it is wise to check if your behavior was mature.


32. Without religion, people wouldn’t have a moral guide.

是：+3，否：0，也许/有时：+2

Explanation: As we are social animals (i.e. evolved to have instincts for social cohesion), empathy, cooperation and sense of justice are a part of our biological heritage. Parents can raise highly moral children without influence of religion (my own experience). It is more important to teach empathy than dogma to a child. “Yes” indicates: prejudice, lack of knowledge, pliability, rigidity, lack of independent thinking. These might result in hypocrisy.


33. 内向和/或严肃的人很无趣。生活应该充满乐趣。

是：+3，否：0，也许/有时：+1

Explanation: Not all people are stimulated by the same things. Some find a wealth of experience within rather than only in the outside world. “Yes” indicates prejudice, shallowness, generalizing, arrogance, dependence of external stimulation. You might be focused on short-term pleasure rather than long-term happiness. You might be egotistic and disrespectful to others.


34. 逻辑优于情感。

是：+2，否：0，可能/有时：+1 / 0（见解释）

Explanation: “Yes” indicates rigidity, prejudice, possible shallowness. You might have developed only some aspects of your character. Perhaps you avoid your feelings or your parents taught you that emotions are not acceptable. You might have patriarchal beliefs. You deny yourself an important source of information. A sign of maturity is in finding the balance between emotions and ratio. 

“Sometimes” brings 0 points if you had in mind only childish, exaggerated, pathetic emotions. If you had in mind any emotions, take +1.


35. I am the way I am and it’s too late for me to change.

是：+3，否：0，也许/有时：+2

Explanation: “Yes” indicates avoiding responsibility, using the path of least resistance, laziness, lack of awareness of the consequences of your behavior. 

结果：

0 – 6 POINTS: 您的 情绪成熟度 高于平均水平。你对自己的情绪和行为负责。你会从多个不同角度考虑问题。你欣赏他人。你能从多个不同层面意识到自己的感受和想法。继续努力

7 – 27 POINTS: 你的情感成熟度在平均范围之内。根据得分的多少，你可能需要或多或少的努力来提高自己的生活质量。尤其要注重培养对自己所有情绪的认识，区分成人情绪和未成熟情绪，并探索不同的视角。

超过 27 分： 你的情感成熟度较低。你可能会夸大、操纵和指责他人。你可能会表现出虚伪和浅薄。你可能会主动或被动地攻击他人。你的自尊心是人为的、脆弱的，因此你觉得自己需要权力和/或需要羞辱他人。你可能会编造一些含糊不清的借口，为一时的冲动辩解。 

您能做些什么认识到这种行为会产生长期的破坏性后果，并损害健康的自尊。练习觉察自己的所有情绪，而不仅仅是最明显的情绪。认识到对羞辱和不足的恐惧会激发对权力的需求和对他人的批评。练习认同他人的观点和情绪。将愤怒转化为建设性的行动。 

结 论

在该测试中，以下内容 素质、技能和价值观 作为情感成熟度的一个方面： 

– ability to 多角度看问题

– ability to recognize and explore one’s own emotions 几个层面 

– respect, compassion and understanding 为他人 

– responsibility for one’s own emotions and behavior

– tolerance 针对不同个性和不同观点

– proactivity (而不是等待他人或生活提供解决方案）

– healthy self-esteem

该测试尚未经过科学验证因此，请把它理解为一种激发你思考的方式，而不是对你性格的明确评估。标准很高，因为所衡量的品质是不常见的，而不是一般的。

如果您觉得自己已经给出了一些答案 太快或没有经过深思熟虑，答案仍然有效 – as emotional maturity is expressed through everyday behavior in which we often do not have enough time for much pondering and analysis.

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