如何摆脱创伤束缚

问题 Close to a year ago, I got out of an abusive relationship. However, I still feel a deep connection with my ex. It’s difficult to stop thinking about them and wishing they could change. I read it’s called trauma bond. But why does it persist for so long?

请回答：

创伤纽带的影响之所以强烈，是因为在创伤事件中，我们会努力求生。在这种情况下，无论什么能给我们带来解脱，我们的大脑都会将其与安全和生存联系起来。这可能包括与施虐者的联系感，尤其是如果施虐者也使用正强化法的话。对于我们的潜意识来说，生存比生活质量更重要。

Another reason might be that the recent trauma has some similarities with your early childhood trauma (even if childhood trauma is sometimes much milder and based on misunderstanding rather than someone’s malicious intentions). As a child, you might have formed the impression that being loved is associated with not being treated well. You might have longed to help an emotionally unstable, unpredictable parent. Maybe some childhood experiences taught you to associate survival and love with drama, control and unpredictability. I know it doesn’t sound logical, but a child’s emotions have their own kind of logic (See also: 情感逻辑).

If childhood feelings have not gotten “closure,” we can feel a strong urge to bond to people who cause us similar emotions. We can hope they will finally understand us and change – the way we hoped our parents would. We can hope to earn love from them, just like we tried with our parents.

There is often a deep, almost instinctive hope that if we can somehow manage to get that kind of closure, life will finally make sense and we can finally relax and feel good about ourselves. That’s why trauma bond can make you feel attached to a toxic person for a long time. If that rings a bell, you need to remember it’s an echo of your childhood, not reality. You need to help your inner child heal.

我们的 在此导引冥想 can help you heal childhood trauma. Once your childhood programming is healed, adult trauma bond often weakens much more easily. Another meditation you might want to try is to imagine the qualities of your dream partner and how they would treat you. Then compare it to your ex’s behavior. The contrast between the two can wake you up.

更多信息

Falling In Love With “Bad Guys” (And Girls)

好人会成为施虐者吗？

将情感痛苦转化为激情和灵感

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