What If i don’t like being a parent?

Питання: My child is 9 months old, and I’m realizing (perhaps too late) that I don’t like being a parent. No part of taking care of my daughter appeals to me. I try to play with her, but if I don’t get a response, I give up. I feel like I’m not cut out for this kind of life. I can’t relate to all the happy parents out there posting about how wonderful it is to have kids. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. What can I do?

Відповідай: Just like every other biological instinct, the parental instinct isn’t equally strong in everyone. So, even if you are in the minority, you’re still normal. What you wrote shows that you do care about being a responsible parent, which is essential.

Biological diversity isn’t always kind. Practically everyone has traits that make life more difficult. Beating yourself up doesn’t help; it only adds more stress. So let’s look at how you can approach this constructively.

По-перше, практикуйте бути добрий до себе. і запропонувати себе емоційна підтримка та співчуття. This can significantly boost your morale and mental health. Pay attention to your inner monologue and strive to keep it kind and compassionate. Practice self-love. Whenever you have a free moment, do something you enjoy, even if it’s just a few minutes of reading, dancing, or listening to music. Without self-care, you can’t give much to others.

По-друге, пам'ятайте, що your daughter isn’t to blame for your feelings. While your emotions are understandable, it’s crucial to separate them from your perception of her. When we feel bad, it’s natural to look for someone to blame. You might feel an urge to blame her, but that would only make things worse for both of you in the long run.

Цілком можливо, що деякі з ваших труднощів випливають з вашого дитячого досвіду. Чи очікували від вас у дитинстві, що ви візьмете на себе відповідальність за інших дітей або, можливо, навіть за когось із дорослих у вашій родині? Чи часто вас змушували ставити себе на останнє місце і задовольняти вимоги інших? Це могло залишити у вас невирішені почуття, які, можливо, виринають зараз, коли вам знову потрібно піклуватися про когось зі значними потребами. Наш онлайн-коучинг може допомогти вам виявити та усунути ці відбитки.

Things might get easier in a few years when she’ll be able to understand you. Keep in mind that поточна ситуація є тимчасовою. As soon as she’s old enough to understand, make sure she knows it’s not her fault if you’re tired, short on time, or low on energy. Переконайте її, що вона хороша і мила людинанавіть якщо у вас немає настрою приєднатися до неї в певних заходах.

It’s worth investing time now in learning how to дисциплінувати дітей та конструктивно вирішувати конфлікти. This way, they won’t lose trust or connection with you, saving you time and energy later. There are plenty of books (such as those by Харві Карп) and other resources available online. Even if you don’t like being a parent, investing time and energy now can prevent endless conflicts in the future.

Speaking of saving time, it benefits both you and your daughter if she learns early on to contribute to daily chores. Many children are curious and willing to help as early as age four. Avoid the common mistake of expecting her to do chores alone when she’s young. Instead, find ways to make chores playful and turn them into “together-time.” Це може допомогти їй розвинути позитивне ставлення до них.

Подумайте, чим можна зайняти дитину на довший час, щоб вона не відчувала, що нею нехтують. Багато батьків діляться ідеями та досвідом в Інтернеті, і це буде легше робити, коли вона стане старшою.

Якщо ти допоможіть своїй доньці знайти те, що їй дійсно подобається (which can start around the age of three), she might spend a lot of time happily engaged in those activities, only needing occasional encouragement and approval from you. For example, she might enjoy drawing, dancing, physical games, or even reading. Some children learn to read quite early and enjoy it—if they’re not pushed. I don’t remember it, but I was told my grandmother taught me to read by tracing the words in storybooks with her finger as she read to me. I quickly became an avid reader, partly because nobody pushed me to do it.

Чи є інші люди your daughter can happily spend time with or who can help you with chores? What about your partner or parents? Your in-laws? At the very least, your partner should be willing to be an equally involved parent. We’re social beings because raising a child is so demanding; nature didn’t intend for us to do it alone.

Lastly, while excessive screen time and video games are often frowned upon, in your situation, they might be “the lesser of two evils,” at least some of the time. Just be sure to monitor the content your daughter is exposed to and explain to her why some content may be harmful. If you are honest with her, she’ll have reason to trust you. Children often understand more and earlier than we expect.

In conclusion, it’s important to acknowledge that parenting doesn’t come naturally to everyone, and that’s perfectly normal. Rather than focusing on feelings of guilt or inadequacy, prioritize self-care and compassion. A positive mental attitude is essential, even as you acknowledge and accept unpleasant feelings. Creative thinking, constructive communication, and seeking help from others can improve things in both the short and long term.

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