photo credit: Camila Quintero Franco
Question: My ex told me I was boring. It hurts, of course. I’m not sure what to think or do about it. I’m not even sure if I really want to change. But, of course, I would like people to find me interesting. I don’t like the thought that I’m boring.
Answer:
Let’s start with a quote by the author Terry Pratchett:
“Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom?”
Who is boring?
Boredom doesn’t come so much from the outside as from the inside. Some people can even spend most of their lives in relative isolation and not be bored. That means their thoughts and emotions are interesting enough to keep them occupied.
Teenagers might find adults boring. Adult people might find teenagers boring.
People who like to party might perceive a life of a scientist as boring. A scientist might perceive party animals as boring.
An athlete might be bored by some types of art. An artist might be bored by professional sports. And so on.
We all have different personalities, different interests, and different communication styles. You can never please everyone. That means no matter what kind of person you are, somebody will find you boring. Even if you are a comedian, some people may find your comedy style boring. On the other hand, people with similar thoughts, interests, and personalities will most likely find you interesting.
Expectations vs. responsibility
People like to be entertained by others. That’s normal. But thinking that others should entertain us, and it’s somebody else’s fault if we are bored, indicates a personality fault. It indicates that one’s own thoughts and feelings are not stimulating enough. It also indicates entitlement and a lack of self-reflection.
Choosing to tell someone else, especially a (former) lover, something so hurtful, oversimplified, and invalidating out loud signifies even more irresponsibility and egotism, to say the least. It says much more about the person saying it than the receiver. It might even indicate that they prefer drama to a stable, calm relationship.
If somebody says such a thing during a break up, it might be that they feel the need to put you down in order to “justify” ending the relationship. Again, that says much more about them than about you.
Authenticity is not boring
On the other hand, some self-reflection doesn’t hurt, as long as it’s not rooted in self-hatred but in a desire for a better quality of life and relationships.
People are attracted to genuine emotions and genuine passion (as long as they are expressed responsibly). They are also interested in people who show interest in them.
So, if you want to be more interesting to others, don’t think about what they expect, and don’t try to be who you are not. Instead, consider letting them see more of who you are. Do you let your feelings show, or are you hiding them behind irrelevant chatter? Are you ashamed of your passion, or do you love to talk about it? Are you showing genuine interest in other people and their feelings?
Not even that will make everyone like you, as that is simply not possible. But people who do like your qualities will have more opportunity to notice them.
If you are easily influenced by others’ opinions or you are often bothered by feeling not good enough, consider that a lot of that might be a consequence of childhood trauma and childhood programming. We are here to help you with that.
Read more:
Feeling Not Good Enough: How To Recognize And Heal It In Its Roots
How To Overcome Social Rejection And Awkwardness
Guided meditation “Heal Childhood Programming for Empowerment And Self-love”
