This will be an elephant-sized post, but bear with me – I hope to give you plenty of useful ideas to keep your New Year resolutions by the end of it.
At the start of every year, millions if not billions of people make lists of things they want to change so that their lives would be better, and promise themselves they will stick to those changes. Within a week, most of those people have broken their promise. Before the month is out, almost everybody does. If you have managed to keep your resolution till the end of the year, congratulations – and why are you even reading this? Maybe let people know how you did it!
基本的な決議には2種類ある：
1）新しい習慣を身につける（運動、リラクゼーション、瞑想、コミュニケーション・スキル、あらゆる望ましい生産的な行動）
2) 古い習慣を取り除く（喫煙、過食、アルコール、その他の中毒などの破壊的または不健康な習慣、時間をかけすぎる活動、不健康なコミュニケーション習慣など）。
Many people would say that it’s only the matter of persistence and strength of will to stick to those decisions. I think the situation is much more complex than that! Do you know people who criticize others for not being able to lose weight, for example, but in the same time they are not able to stop smoking, playing video games, watching TV or internet porn, feeding their cat or just about anything else? Some people are even addicted to communicating to other people. Everybody has at least some sort of unwanted habit that is difficult to reduce or give up. So let’s explore some factors that might feed your unhealthy habits:
1) 難しい感情。 A huge number of people resort to their old addictions in times of emotional stress. Addictions are commonly used to distract us from emotions: fear, guilt, sadness, anger, shame, feeling inadequate… Many of those emotions – as well as the addictions that help suppressing them – are created in childhood or adolescence. When we work with addictions, we first focus on finding and resolving those emotions, and finding ways to replace them with more comforting ones. This often greatly reduces chronic stress.
2) 時に依存症は 心地よい感情を人工的に作り出したり、高めたりする. Heroin addicts might say that they feel deeply loved when they are under influence of heroin. Alcohol addicts might crave cheerfulness and social openness that alcohol evokes in them. In that case, it’s useful to explore what can you do to encourage desired emotional states in healthier ways – and if there are any emotional obstacles to that.
3) 生物学的本能.怒り、怠惰、過食は、（部分的に）生物学的に動機づけられた行動の例である。私たちの体は石器時代から抜け出せず、力のために戦い、少なくとも必要以上に食べ、（時には他人を犠牲にして）できる限りエネルギーを節約することを望んでいる。遺伝的な個人差によって、こうした衝動が他の人より強い人もいる。
4) 代謝の違い. People react differently to each addictive substance. Some people will just shrug alcohol or certain drugs off, while others’ brains react with instant intense craving. Some people can eat a few spoonfuls of a desert and leave the rest on the plate, while others’ palates sense sugar and immediately ring bells for food frenzy. It’s not just about willpower – our metabolic responses are different from person to person.
5) 神経学的な違い. Perhaps you are more sensitive to stress, for example, or your brain is more easily distracted, or you are an extroverted person who wants to learn an introverted habit?… Biological diversity is huge, and Mother Nature is known to be experiment-prone. Some results of such genetic experiments can be quite subtle, but enough to encourage an unwanted habit.
6) 社会的圧力. Perhaps smoking or coffee are your way to initiate communication with other people? Or will your circle of friends mock you if you want to live a healthier lifestyle? Perhaps you are a part of a group that shares an unhealthy habit? In such cases, giving up a habit might mean losing important connections with people. Young men are in bigger danger in this context, because neglecting one’s own body is often considered “masculine” in some inarticulate circles.
7) 他人との絆。 Similar to previous entry, but less conscious, subtler and more instinctive. Such bonds are usually created in our early families. Did your parents smoke? For you, it might become an unconscious way to either feel closer to them, or to tap into their perceived power, or to imitate their ways of coping with stress. In the mind of a small child, the parents’ way is the right way. A part of you might still be unconsciously afraid to let go of such a bond.
8) 繰り返しが生み出す神経経路. Any behavior we repeat – even patterns of thinking and feeling, let alone physical behavior – encourages the brain to strengthen the connections between the neurological circles responsible. If we repeat certain behaviors for years, such neurological paths are so strong that we fall into such behavior without thinking, almost like robots. This can only be changed by persistently defying such urges and practicing new habits.
9) 大企業. For decades now, food industry is dedicated to creating foods that will trigger addictions and addictive behavior. This includes many products labeled as healthy and natural. It’s often difficult to avoid all of those products – and any of those can send you spiraling back into addiction. Same goes for alcohol and tobacco manufacturers – and many other industries are doing their best to induce automated responses and exploit your physiological and psychological mechanisms.
10) 変化への抵抗. Some people fear change – for example, fear attention, or success, or envy of other people. Others are just so used to a certain image of themselves, that they might unconsciously strive to preserve it. One way to prepare for a change might be to imagine it often enough.
だから、習慣を変えようとするとき、あなたはおそらく、私が言及しなかったかもしれないいくつかだけでなく、それらの要因のすべてと戦っている。決断と意志の力だけでは十分ではない！十分な準備が必要だ。まず、感情的な背景を探り、それを癒すためにできることは何でもする。そして、以下のリストの中から、自分に最も適したアドバイスを選ぶのだ。
I’ve divided the suggestions into 3 groups: general advice; ideas how to resist unhealthy urges; ideas how to motivate yourself to stick to a new habit. You might find that one day you respond well to one of them, while other days some other of these ideas might be more motivating. I suggest to create a little reminder for yourself with the ideas you like most. よく読む, perhaps print it and keep it in your pocket, as unhealthy urges can be intense and distracting and you might find yourself forgetting these ideas in spite of your best intentions, if you don’t have a written reminder handy.
Let’s dive in!
A) 一般的な提案
1.長期的に妥当な目標にする. Don’t expect yourself to run 5 km the first day, or to lose 1 kg a week (or even half a kg a week), or to stop using social networks altogether. Consider what would be your “maintenance” habits; what can you imagine doing for the rest of your life? Create an exercise or diet plan that you can stick to for years without too much stress; plan to use social media or play video games for about an hour in the evening, instead of starting in the morning and continuing during the day.
2.目標を達成することで、あなたの人生がより良くなる方法を、大なり小なり挙げてみましょう。 身体的、社会的、感情的、金銭的、その他思いつく限りの利益を挙げてください。できる限り頻繁に、それぞれの利点を想像しながら過ごしてください。
3.目標を達成できなかった場合の望ましくない結果をすべて挙げてください、 上記のように。それらを振り返るのに時間を費やす。
4.誘惑や危機的状況に備える. Do you expect to be stressed at a certain day? Sometimes just mentally preparing ourselves for predictable stress can prevent feeling overwhelmed and falling back to old stress-reducing habits. Sometimes we fall back to old habits just because we don’t have a ready idea what else to do. Make a list of what can you do to relax if a day is particularly stressful, especially if unexpected stress happens. Maybe you can call a friend and complain your heart out (first make sure that the friend wants to listen!) Maybe you can put on some music that makes you feel good and perhaps dance to it. Maybe you can plan to make a soothing tea (I recently discovered I like tea with a little milk much better than plain tea) or fruit juice (freshly squeezed, not those chemical cocktails they sell as fruit juice in supermarkets) instead of cookies or cigarettes.
5.脳が言い訳を始めたら気づく。 “Just a bit more today, and tomorrow I stop!” or “Just a little bit, it won’t hurt me so much!” “It says low-carb on the label, it means it’s allowed!”… Make a list of excuses you commonly use and learn to be aware that it’s your brain playing tricks on you. Your brain 意志 make excuses. It’s an excuse-making machine. Your brain works in silence, creating more and more excuses to mess up with your brain. Be smarter than your brain.
6.浮気したくなったら, remind yourself that the future is an endless stream of todays. If you give in to temptation today, you will likely give in tomorrow, too. You will probably be tempted to decide something like, “This little bit doesn’t count”. It’s like saying, “These few seconds of putting my head into the jaws of a crocodile do not count.” It catches up with you sooner or later.
7. Perhaps schedule “cheating days”, let’s say a day a week when you are allowed to relax a bit. Note: this does not apply if you are trying to give up an addictive habit! Even if your habit is not addictive, be careful with this advice; do not allow the cheating day to undo the benefits of your previous efforts.
8.自分の人生や、本当に欲しいものが、次の決断にかかっているふりをする。 Many times this is true, but it’s so far away in the future that our now-focused brain just isn’t motivated enough. Imagine as intensely as you can that what you do right now is detrimental for your happiness.
9. Don’t fight frustration. Don’t think you shouldn’t feel it. Acknowledge it, but don’t identify with it. フラストレーションは、望ましい変化が進行中であることを意味するのだと自分に言い聞かせる。 フラストレーションとは、あなたの身体が古いオートマティズムに戻ろうとすることだ。
10.ロールモデルを見つける – at least one, preferably several, people, who already act the way you want to act. Imagine their point of view: what motivates them, how do they think and feel in this context, how do they resist temptation. Perhaps you can ask them directly about it, but it’s not necessary if your imagination is good enough. Even a cat can be a good role model if your goal is to learn to relax (or to ignore other people’s opinions).
11.あなたが選んだスピリチュアルな存在に助けを求める。. Even if you are not overly spiritual, this might help you tap into subconscious resources you don’t normally use.
12.10年後、20年後、自分の人生がどう変わっているかを考える。 もし決意を守ったら、そしてもし古い習慣に戻ったら、同じ時間枠の中でどうなるか。短期的な視点よりも、より大きな視点で見た方が、結果がより明白になることが多い。
13.便利なマントラがある： “I choose long-term happiness over short-term fun.”
14.できることなら 起床後、ベッドでくつろぎながらモチベーションを高める。 to keep your resolution in the day that follows. Motivation likes to dissipate over time, it’s important to renew it regularly.
15.失敗したらやり直す. Everybody fails at some point. That doesn’t have to determine the rest of your life.
16.やる気を起こさせる本や記事を見つけ、よく読む。 自分の好きなパラグラフを少しずつまとめて、自分のモチベーションを上げるのに使う。
17.現在の努力は、未来の自分への好意だと考えよう。
18.友人があなたと同じような状況にある場合、あなたならどうアドバイスするか考えてみてください。 励ましてくれる友人を想像する – or ask for direct encouragement.
19.目標を小さな目標の連続にする。自分へのご褒美 それぞれを達成したときにご褒美は、あなたの努力を損なうようなものでないことを確認してください。
20.目標に焦点を当てた活動を、毎日のスケジュールに組み入れる。 If you don’t, you might find yourself doing all kinds of other things until you are too tired or it’s too late – and then it’s much easier to fall back to old habits. Prevent this by good planning.
21.日記をつける.失敗を書き留めることの恥ずかしさが、その失敗を防ぐのに十分な動機付けになることもある。
B) 不要な習慣の解消
22. Addictive behavior is often automated – people find themselves, for example, reaching for a cigarette without even consciously thinking about it. 自動運転に気づいたら、その場でフリーズ.一時停止をする。深く呼吸する。自分の気持ちや考えを感じる。自分をやる気にさせるこれらの方法をすべて思い出す。思いつく限りの方法で、習慣性の衝動から気をそらす。自動的な一連の行動を断ち切ることが大切です。
23.依存症や嗜癖行動の対象を、非常に不快なものと精神的に関連付ける。.タバコのパッケージに描かれている肺がんの写真は、これを目指しているのだ。もしあなたが甘いもの中毒なら、 すぐに after looking at sweets, imagine fat, disease, weakness, discomfort in tight clothes… whatever feels repulsive to you. If you crave sweets, but find cigarettes disgusting, imagine a cookie as if it was a sweet cigarette. And the other way around. The goal is to achieve the state in which seeing or thinking of the object of your addiction is immediately followed by a repulsive image. If you make unpleasant associations strong enough to counter pleasant expectations, it will be much easier to resist temptation. You can even think of completely unrelated disgusting things – roadkill, manure, vomit… – anything that causes revulsion.
24.について考える どのような気持ちを達成したいのか through unwanted behavior. Imagine that you already feel that way. Perhaps create a little visualization or fantasy that helps you feel relaxed, loved, safe, acceptable – or whatever your toxic habit artificially provided. Make the feelings as strong as you can.
25.自分の 渇望は偽りの希望を与える of feeling good. Do you really feel as good as expected when you give in to craving? It’s often only a shadow of the feeling you really hope for.
26.気分が良くなるその他の活動をリストアップする。 そして、そのための時間を毎日計画する。すでに幸せを感じていれば、気分を良くするために依存性のある物質に頼る理由は少なくなる。
27.自分に言い聞かせる。 giving in to craving doesn’t mean that craving would go away – it would probably become even stronger.
28.もしあなたが渇望に屈すれば relief will be short-term – but the unpleasant consequences will last much longer.
29.禁断症状を思い出す 誘惑に負けたら、また同じ苦しみを味わうことになる。
30.自分の体がまだ石器時代であることを思い出す。 and its cravings are not necessarily healthy. Many people give in to cravings because they think: “If my body needs this so much, it cannot be その bad!” It は それほど悪い。あなたの身体は、現代文明のあらゆる課題に十分に対応できるようには進化していない。
31. Focus on your body. Notice the parts of your body where you feel craving – and notice also the parts of your body that feel better when you act in healthy ways, the parts that “want” to be clean and healthy. 前者よりも後者に焦点を合わせる。
32.あなたの環境にあるトリガーをすべて取り除く やめたい習慣を思い出させるようなもの。食べ物はすべてキャビネットや冷蔵庫にしまい、目につかないようにする。タバコは捨てる。コマーシャルを見ないようにする。友人や家族に、そのようなものを勧めるのをやめるよう頼む。
33.より健康的な代替品を見つける。 If your addiction includes ingesting something – processed food, alcohol, cigarettes – try carbonated water (unsweetened – perhaps with some fresh fruit juice) or chewing gum, for example. Some people find that electronic cigarettes can help with reducing cigarette addiction. Of course, you’ll need to give up that habit eventually, too.
34.明日、自分がどれほど幸せで誇らしく感じるかを考えてみよう。 今日、誘惑に打ち勝てば
35.あるいは 翌朝の後悔と不快な残留毒素を考える今日、誘惑に負けるなら。
36.食欲に負けそうになったら、15分間我慢する。. After that, another 15 mins. And so on, as long as you possibly can. The idea of 15 mins is easier to agree to than the idea of an eternity without your addictive substance of choice. Perhaps you’ll even find out that the craving subsides after that time. If not, at least you will probably end up “straying” less often than you normally would.
37. Imagine that you’ve already ingested your addictive substance and you don’t feel the need any more. Even better, たくさん摂取して、すでに気分が悪くなっていることを想像してほしい。.想像力が豊かであればあるほど、良い結果が得られる。
38.もしあなたに子供がいる、あるいはその予定があるなら、どのようなロールモデルになりたいかを考えてみてください。. Many people are more motivated by their children’s benefit than their own. If you are a woman, you might imagine for a moment that you are pregnant. If you wouldn’t want to harm your unborn child with addictive substances, would you want to harm your own body?
39. Some people feel compelled to eat up any food remains so that they wouldn’t be thrown away (another instinct from Stone Age). Tell yourself, “私の体はゴミ袋じゃない！” Freeze extra food or donate it.
C)望ましい習慣を身につける
40.スタートに必要なものをすべて準備する (例えば、運動する、文章を書く、語学を学ぶなど）ただし、すぐに始める義務はない。すべての準備が整えば、脳はきっと簡単に始めることができるだろう。
41.ほんの少しの努力をする, without commitment to continue for a long time. One exercise, a few sentences… often after the initial resistance is overcome, we can relax into the activity we started and continue for quite a while longer than we expected.
42.自分の好きな活動に対する気持ちを忘れない そして、その熱意と楽しみを、現在練習している新しい活動に広げることを想像する。少しの熱意でも、ないよりはましだ。
43.次のことを考えてみよう。 今日やることは明日やることを減らす.
44.もしあなたが締め切りに追われているのなら、 締め切りがあることを想像する – and it’s awfully close. If you want to develop a habit of cleaning your house, imagine that you have guests coming over in a few hours, for example. (Speaking from experience here!)
45.よくやったという喜びを想像してみてほしい。
46.心地よい感覚を身につけるよう意識する 新しい習慣に取り組んでいる間は、内側にいる。そうすることで、イライラしたり退屈したりするのではなく、良い気分と結びつくことができる。
47. Note any discomfort or resistance. Consider that it’s probably exaggerated.
48. ということに注意してほしい。 リラックスして楽しむのも、仕事が待っていれば、それほどリラックスして楽しいものではない。. Use relaxing activities as a reward for a job well done – and then you can enjoy them much more.
49. Don’t expect to be perfect 新しい活動を始めるときから。人は失敗を恐れて先延ばしにすることが多い。失敗することを自分に許しましょう。
そして最後に、 50 – my favourite strategy I developed when working with a client. 自分の決断から外れるたびに、一定の金額を寄付することを約束する。 It has to be on top of what you might be already donating. It has to be giving money away, not saving it for something else. This is great way to develop awareness of how every action counts and has real consequences (as our brains’ favourite excuse is often “just a bit, it won’t count!”) It makes you more aware of the pull of temptation and what excuses your brain creates. It’s a way to get you focused on the wider picture and the sum of all of your decisions. Try it out for fun – you might find it so efficient you might want to keep it up for life! A word of caution, though – it might only work well if you are generally responsible and well organized with money. If you tend to let money seep through your fingers, this method might end up as just another drain. Perhaps find another part of life in which you are responsible and rational, and apply it in a similar manner to your bad habits.
Here we are. You might need to experiment a while to find out what works best for you. Sometimes the suggestions that felt flat yesterday will feel spot on today. Read your reminder often – but don’t allow it to become a mindless routine. Knowing doesn’t automatically mean applying that knowledge! Everything we repeat often, becomes a routine, so when reading your reminder over and over again, put some conscious effort to get emotionally involved into it. Good luck!
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