これは、統合システミック・コーチング・トレーニングのモジュール1の記録からの抜粋です。明確化は、私たちのアプローチの最初のステップのひとつで、比較的シンプルで初心者向けですが、それでもかなり効果的です。
ANNA: I felt some resistance in the last exercise. It was about the relationship between me, my mother, and her sister. When I was born, my mother was left in the hospital for the next two weeks, and I came home with my father and my aunt, my mother’s sister. For those first two weeks the aunt was my mother, she was mothering me instead of my mother. Since I can remember, since I was about five years old, I remember that my aunt was more important to me than my mother. My mother was very jealous of the relationship between me and her sister, so she was very controlling, she was even using some force, while my aunt was very supportive. During clarification, I resisted, I refused putting my mother in the place where she should be, because that place was already occupied by my aunt.
コジェンカ：オーケー、いいね。もし同意してくれるなら、アンナさんと一緒にデモができるかもしれませんよ？
Clarification can be difficult to systematize and describe, because it depends so much of what your client tells you, and that could be just about anything. Let’s see what comes up with Anna and then we’ll learn more about what we can do with it. Anna, imagine to see your mother, where is she in your family map?
ANNA: She’s walking around me.
KOSJENKA: That sounds like there is some confusion about her. Sometimes when you are not quite sure where to start, or as a relatively easy introduction to clarification for a client, you could ask, „What would you like to say to this family member, that you never said or never had a chance to say?” Anna, is there something that you would spontaneously like to say to your mother that you would like your mother to know?
アナ：私は彼女に、大目に見てくれ、放っておいてくれ、放っておいてくれと言いたい。
KOSJENKA: This can also be a part of clarification. Clarification is not just about a formula, although we are working towards, let’s say, an end formula: You are my mother – I am your daughter. Especially if a relationship is difficult, let clients say whatever they want to say at first. You can think of clarification as a conversation in which everything that needs to be brought to the light is brought to the light, with the end goal of coming to an agreement of who is who in a healthy relationship. Anna, go ahead and say to your mother, “Leave me alone.”
アナ：放っておいて。
コジェンカ：母親が自発的にどう反応するかをチェックする。
ANNA: She’s a bit surprised now. She doesn’t say a thing but she’s showing me her fist, she’s shaking her fist.
コジェンカ：何が気になったのか、何が気に障ったのか、お母さんに説明できるかもしれない。
ANNA：怒鳴られ、殴られ、日記を読まれ、検閲のためにどんな本を読んでいるかチェックされた。
KOSJENKA: How would mother react if you’d explain this to her?
ANNA: She says that you have to keep your kids on a short leash. Otherwise they don’t have respect for anyone.
KOSJENKA: A few decades ago it was a common idea that you have to control your children quite harshly, otherwise you’d spoil them. People often don’t seem to see much between one extreme and the other. Anna, ask your mother, „Who taught you that?”
アナ：学校だと言っていました。母は教師だったの。
コジェンカ：だから彼女は、手に負えない子供たちの大集団をしつけなければならなかった。
ANNA: She was also teaching me, and I remember when she would take me out of the classroom and to the teacher’s room and then would beat me with a cable.
KOSJENKA: Leaving physical abuse aside for now, please say to your mother, „You are not my teacher, you are my mother. I need you to love me like a mother loves her child, not just discipline me like a teacher disciplines a student”. How does mother respond?
ANNA: She’s like frozen.
KOSJENKA: Imagine to step into mother’s place. If that is uncomfortable, you don’t have to feel too strongly what is going on in your mother, just enough to get some information. Imagine to be your mother and to be frozen when your child asks you to love her as a mother loves her daughter. If you are the mother, why are you frozen?
ANNA: (As the mother) I cannot even see that child. My first thought, my first concern is how I look like when I’m frozen this way.
KOSJENKA: Sounds like the mother is very concerned with what people might say. That’s quite often the case when a parent is a teacher; what would people say about their children. Anna, if you are your mother, who taught you to feel all that fear of what people would say?
アナ：そうですか。
KOSJENKA: Mother’s mother?
アナ：はい。
KOSJENKA: That’s very normal, and it’s also very common in clarification that sometimes you need to clarify with another family member before you can continue working with the first one. Where stands grandmother in relation to mother, Anna?
アナ：私の目の前よ。
コジェンカ：お母さんは、自発的にお母さん、あなたのおばあさんに何を言いたいですか？
ANNA: I’m sick and I cannot work, I’m not able to work, I’m sick.
コジェンカ：もう少し背景を教えていただけますか？母親が病気で、おばあちゃんが無理やり働かせたということですか？
ANNA: I don’t know about my mother’s childhood, but when she was a young woman she got pregnant and the child died, and in some complications she got some heart muscle inflammation and she has had heart problems since then. As they were living in a village, the parents expected their children to help them with work. My mother couldn’t really help much because of the heart problem. When I was young, since I was 12, 14 years old, I was also sent there to help my grandparents.
KOSJENKA: What would grandmother say to mother’s words, “I’m sick, don’t make me work so much”?
アナ：彼女はそれを認め、受け入れている。でも一方で、私たちはたくさん祈らなければならない、一生懸命祈らなければならないとも言っている。
コジェンカ：お母さんはどうですか？
ANNA: Mother feels it was too easy, she doesn’t really feel too much about that. She feels happy about it but not very happy.
KOSJENKA: I would imagine that the key problem is somewhere further in her childhood but we don’t have to know all the details right now. Anna, as mother, what would you really like from your mother? How does the mother want grandmother to love her?
ANNA（母親役）：彼女は私のおむつを替えていなかったと言いたい。
コジェンカ：それさえも明確にしている。おばあさんはこれにどう答えますか？
ANNA: Grandma ran away. She’s running away from this.
KOSJENKA: Please say to grandma, “Please don’t run away, I need you.” What says grandma?
ANNA: Grandmother has stopped running, but she’s holding her head in her hand and she’s crying terribly.
KOSJENKA: Ask grandmother, “Why are you crying?”
おばあちゃんは、とても残念だったと言っていたわ。
コジェンカ：何が大きな恥でしたか？
アナ：子供を持つこと。
コジェンカ：予定外の妊娠だったとか？
ANNA: Grandma is crying and she says that she’s not going to say it to anyone.
KOSJENKA: Go back into yourself, be Anna again. Say to grandmother, “I’m sorry you suffered that shame. People can be cruel sometimes.” What says grandmother?
おばあちゃん：あなたは何も知らないし、何も知ることはできないって。
KOSJENKA: Say to grandma, “Ok, I don’t know anything about it and I’m sorry that people were cruel to you.” What says grandmother?
ANNA: Grandma has changed, she’s curled inside herself now and she is shaped like an embryo.
コジェンカ：彼女の母親に話を聞く必要があるかもしれない。曾祖母はこの状況について何と言うだろう？
ANNA: Great-grandmother is angry, she’s furious right now.
コジェンカ：何がそんなに腹立たしいのか、曾祖母に聞いてごらん。
ANNA: It’s about the shame her daughter is going to bring to her.
KOSJENKA: Say to great-grandmother, „People are cruel sometimes. Cruelty is the true shame.” But by now the society has changed. What would great-grandmother say about what is possible now, what wasn’t possible then?
曾祖母は今、この感情を手放すことができる。彼女の周りにはたくさんの光が見えるし、彼女は私を信じると言っている。
コジェンカ：美しい。曾祖母に、娘が抱えている痛みがどれほどのものかを認識してくれるよう頼んでみてください。おそらく祖母は誰かと恋に落ち、愛に満ち溢れた気持ちになり、こんなにいい気分なら何も問題は起きないだろうと期待していたのかもしれません。
ANNA: No, I don’t think so because it was the time of the war, it was 1941. It’s possible that my grandma was raped but I don’t know that.
KOSJENKA: Please ask great-grandmother not to hurt her daughter on top of the hurt she’s already suffered.
おばあちゃんが泣いている。
コジェンカ：曾祖母に、娘を支え、助け、愛してくれるよう頼む。
アナ：彼女はそれを理解しているし、努力している、そうしたいと言っている。
KOSJENKA: Is grandmother willing to accept her mother’s help?
ANNA: The grandmother is now opening from that embryo position. She doesn’t say much now but she is ready to accept.
KOSJENKA: Great. Watch grandmother accepting her mother’s support and love. Maybe she could relax, maybe she could feel better about herself, maybe she could feel better about her daughter, maybe she could learn about how to support a child even against what the world might say.
アナ：彼女は若く見えるし、20歳そこそこの女の子で、美しい。彼女はとてもしっくりくる。
コジェンカ：いいね。おばあちゃんには、いつかきれいな娘さんが生まれて、その娘さんがおばあちゃんに愛されるようになるんだよ、と言ってあげてください。おばあちゃんは何て言うだろう？
アナ：彼女はお腹を触って、私に微笑みかけました。
KOSJENKA: Tell her that all children are chaotic sometimes, they need to make mistakes, they need to explore. Tell her that it’s important to be patient and kind, for the future of her daughter and for the future of the next generations, too.
ANNA: She is accepting it, she’s happy about it, she’s touching her belly, patting her belly, she’s wearing a polka dot dress and standing somewhere in the fields.
コジェンカ：素晴らしい。将来、お母さんに自分の子どもを見せて、お母さんを支えてあげてください、お母さんが娘を愛するように愛してあげてください、とお願いすることを想像してみてください。母が娘を愛するように、娘を愛してください。どうなりますか？
ANNA: Grandmother told her now that she’s a mature woman, and my mother stopped paying attention to her clothes, to how they look like, she’s looking at my grandma and I can see some sort of connection between them, like they see each other.
コジェンカ：おばあさんにもう一度言ってください。
アナ：彼女はそう言って、問題なく愛していると言っています。
コジェンカ：今、お母さんはどうですか？
ANNA: She looks like she’s lost.
コジェンカ：慣れるのに時間が必要なのかもしれないね。
アナ：おそらくね。
コジェンカ：慣れるまで時間をかけてあげて。ところで、あそこで誰かいびきをかいていませんか？(注：オンライン・トレーニングだった。)
アナ：ごめんなさい。イングリッシュ・ブルドッグを2匹飼っているんです。
KOSJENKA: I didn’t know they could snore.
アナ：毎晩一緒に寝ています。
KOSJENKA: Lucky you, you don’t have such sensitive ears as I.
アナ：私は自分自身に、あれはアルファ波だと言い聞かせるの。
KOSJENKA: That’s a good way to comfort yourself.
それで、お母さんの具合はどうですか？
ANNA: She’s straightened up, her head is high and she looks happy, content.
KOSJENKA: Great. Now imagine grandmother tells her, „Please love Anna, your daughter.”
ANNA: Mother responds, „Well, when she earns it.”
コジェンカ：祖母は今、それに対して何と言うだろう？
ANNA: Grandmother says, “Just love her”.
コジェンカ：お母さんはどうですか？
ANNA: Mom can see me, but she doesn’t really do much, doesn’t say anything, doesn’t make any gestures, but she’s looking at me closely.
コジェンカ：アンナ、もう一度自分の母親を想像してみて。あなたの後ろに、2世代にわたって愛情深く支えてくれる母親がいることを想像してみてください。
背筋を伸ばしたわ。気持ちいいし、何かに支えられている感じ。
コジェンカ：素晴らしい。では、母親として、娘さんを見て、アンナをよく見てください。何が見えますか？
ANNA (as mother): I see a five year old. She’s very fragile.
コジェンカ：娘さんへの思いは？
アナ：彼女には私が必要だと思うし、彼女をサポートすることもできるわ。
コジェンカ：アンナの話に戻るが、お母さんにこう言ってほしい。 どのように 彼女に愛され、応援されたいですか？
アナ（本人役）：彼女には少し距離を置いて、私に創作をさせてほしい。
コジェンカ：お母さんにそう言ったら、どう反応する？
アナ：彼女はそれを望んでいるんだけど、一方で、私自身がトラブルに巻き込まれるかもしれない、そのせいで問題が起きるかもしれないというある種の恐れを感じている。
コジェンカ：それについて彼女にどう伝えますか？
アナ：これが私の人生であり、私の悩みや問題なのだと。
コジェンカ：また、子どもたちはトラブルから学ぶために、時にはトラブルが必要なこともあるんだよ、と教えてあげるといいかもしれない。時にはトラブルを経験することで、子どもたちはトラブルに対処したり、トラブルを避けたりすることを学ぶことができる。小さなトラブルから早く学ぶほうが、後でもっとひどいトラブルから学ぶよりいい。お母さんはどう思いますか？
ANNA: She feels good. Earlier she was not really clear, like there was not best resolution in that image of her, but now it feels like she’s got more pixels, the resolution is better.
コジェンカ：素晴らしい。お母さんは今、あなたに何を言いたいですか？
ANNA: “Ok then, go.”
コジェンカ：リトル・アンナがもっと広いスペースと自由を手に入れられると想像してみてほしい。どうでしょう？
ANNA: It feels great, I’m jumping into a huge aquarium with coral reef, which was always my dream.
KOSJENKA: While the child is playing in the coral reef I’ll comment about a few things. Sometimes you can simply ask the client what would they like to say, or what would they like to comment about what is going on. You don’t have to guide the client all the time. Sometimes a client can feel what would be the most appropriate clarification better than you. It’s like a dance with the client, you listen to their responses, rather than trying to fit the process into some sort of frame as quickly as possible. Whatever needs to be resolved before the next step could be done, resolve it. We never push anything, we never force anything, otherwise we’ll just make the work longer and more difficult. Whatever we skip, we will have to go back to it some time or another. Anna, do you think you are ready now to say to your mother, “You are my mother”?
アナ：はい。
KOSJENKA: Say to her, „You are my mother; I am your daughter. I wish we weren’t separated at a time when we needed to connect the most.” How does mother respond?
ANNA: She doesn’t say much, she doesn’t do much, but her face is softer. She is looking at me with care and love.
KOSJENKA: Say to her, “I wish we could have had a better connection, and I know you wanted that too.” What says mother?
ANNA: She confirms it and it looks like she would like to hug me but she’s a little bit afraid.
コジェンカ：ハグしてほしい？
アナ：はい。
KOSJENKA: Say to mother, „Let’s try, let’s see what happens.”
ANNA: We’re taking baby steps now towards each other. Now we’re hugging.
コジェンカ：いいね。好きなだけゆっくり、慎重にやればいい。ただ時間をおいて、どう感じるかに気づいてください。
ANNA: … We stopped hugging and right now we are leaning on each other’s backs. Our backs are touching.
コジェンカ：いいね。お母さんにあなたの左肩の後ろに立ってもらい、あなたの肩に腕を置いてください。
ANNA: That’s what happened, my mother did that and there was no resistance and I feel like everything is in its place, like there is an order to it.
ANNA: Great. This sounds like a good time to stop for now. Some clarification with the aunt would be a good idea next, maybe between mother and aunt, just to clarify who is mother and who is aunt, maybe mother would be angry at the aunt for taking her place. Who knows what else has happened with mother, perhaps there are some traumas to resolve, but that’s a topic for another time. This is a good demonstration, I think, to show how complex a clarification can be. This is perfectly normal, most sessions won’t be straightforward and easy. Thank you, Anna.
アナ：ありがとう。
次回のオンライン・コーチング・トレーニングは、2025年4月26日午前9時（中央ヨーロッパ時間）にスタートします。参加ご希望の方はご連絡ください！
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