あなたはフライング・モンキー？

What is “a flying monkey”?

The expression “flying monkey” originates from the book “The Wizard of Oz”, in which a group of winged monkeys serves an evil witch and executes her destructive commands. In real life, it describes 操られた人が、操った人の代わりに誰かを苦しめる。 

この用語は、ナルシストやナルシストの文脈で最もよく使われる。 自己愛性虐待; a “flying monkey” is somebody who is directly or indirectly persuaded by a narcissist into making a victim’s life difficult. However, it’s not necessarily only narcissists or psychopaths who manipulate in these ways; such games are often played by average people too, although usually to a lesser extent.

There can be a whole flock (swarm? sussuration? murder?) of “flying monkeys”. These are, for example, people who join オンライン迫害 of somebody they barely even know, except they heard something bad about them, or read a quote taken out of context. Or anybody who harasses victims of revenge porn. Or a group of teenagers who follow a ringleader into ostracizing a less popular classmate. You don’t really need a true narcissist for such things to happen.

いろいろ 宗教団体 can make big parts of whole populations into their flying monkeys, by spreading unreasonable fears, misconceptions and falsehoods about any group of people they don’t approve of (historically, “witch hunts” are a perfect example, but there are plenty examples in modern times, too, all over the world). 組織化されたイデオロギー 一般的に、空飛ぶ猿はたくさんいる。ネオナシズム、 性差別, any kind of intolerance and labeling people, anything that encourages discrimination and dehumanizing of somebody else for the sake of an ideology… there is not necessarily a single narcissistic person who manipulates others into it, but there are often several distinguished cases somewhere in the background.

この種の試合はすでに始まっていることが多い。 幼少期. Did you ever join into ostracizing or abusing another child just because most other kids were doing it too? Maybe one child started it, maybe several were the leaders, but most were flying monkeys. Some children (and adults) do it because they truly enjoy malice and the power it seems to give them, and some do it because they are afraid they might become victims themselves if they don’t follow the crowd. The reason doesn’t matter; the results do.

On a more individual level, you might be a “flying monkey” if you spread うわさ話.あるいは、噂やゴシップを聞いて、誰かに敵対心を抱くようになったら、 相手の言い分も聞かずに. It fairly often happens after love breakups, but it’s also common within business and family relationships. Even プロフェッショナル can sometimes become “flying monkeys” for 虐待者経験が浅く、過度に信頼している場合。このような虐待を仕掛ける人は、復讐したいのかもしれないし、何らかの形で利益を得たいのかもしれないし、単にフラストレーションを発散させて同情を得たいだけなのかもしれない。

 

Why are “flying monkeys” sometimes good people?

Do you believe you wouldn’t fall for such a thing? Narcissists often choose 善意はあるが、経験が浅く、世間知らずで、衝動的な人々 空飛ぶ猿の役に子供や若者だけでなく、以下のような成人にも当てはまる。 strong sense of justice and strong emotions.ナルシストはしばしば自分を被害者として見せ、煽動しようとする。 ひふん 真の被害者に向かって。一部の人々は、これに非常に長けている。

Another category of well intentioned “flying monkeys” are people who spread various 陰謀論と憂慮すべき記事 without carefully checking how realistic, logical and proven they are. Spreading alarm can be a powerful feeling (Hey, look at me! I know more than others, my eyes are wide open, I defy powerful authorities!), or it might be a result of fear or desire to help others, but not only it’s often a waste of time and 現実の緊急問題から焦点をそらすワクチン接種を拒否することで、集団免疫を低下させるなど）。

(To be clear: some conspiracies do happen and create huge damage, but it’s a big difference between believing in a conspiracy that includes a narrow circle of people (or corporations), and realistic motives and proofs, and a conspiracy theory that theoretically includes whole professions worldwide without any obvious motivation or profit, or proven data.)

You might be manipulated into being a “flying monkey” たとえあなたが被害者を愛し、加害者を嫌っていたとしても。あなたのパートナーの嫉妬深い元恋人（あるいは嫉妬深い親、時には）が、あなたのパートナーについて何か悪いことを言い、あなたに疑惑を抱かせたり、プレッシャーをかけたり、あるいは別れを告げたりするかもしれない。一方、警告の中には本物で現実的なものもあるかもしれない。事実と空想を見分けるには？

 

フライング・モンキーにならないように：

• 手始めに、自分自身の感情的な反応を観察してみよう。 強い、しかし短期的で表面的な感情に振り回されないようにする。むしろ水面下の、より穏やかで直感的な感覚に耳を傾けるのだ。健全な疑念があれば、そのように聞く可能性が高い。特定の人物や記事が使っている言葉を分析する。 The more dramatic, emotionally loaded, abstract expressions, clichés and exclamation marks操られている可能性が高い。それでも、これだけでは判断できない； 操る者が巧みであればあるほど、操られるものも巧妙になるまた、誠実な人の中には、ちょっとしたドラマが好きだったり、家族の中で通常のコミュニケーションとしてパトスに慣れていたりする人もいる。科学や疑似科学を利用したり、被害者を助けようとしているふりをする人もいる。
• 怒りの必要性を認識する。怒りは文字通り、神経学的なレベルでは、少し酔わせることができる。 報酬中枢を活性化する ドーパミンの産生を刺激することで、私たちの脳内で。言い換えれば 私たちの身体は、怒りや憤怒を感じるだけで、実際に報酬を与えてくれる。そうすれば、その感情の中にとどまろうとする意欲が湧いてくるかもしれない。
• Recognize your need to be “good” or to belong. If everyone around you is outraged about something, you might feel insecure, whether by feeling afraid that they might turn against you if you don’t join in, or by not really trusting your own personal qualities and perception. ミスを恐れる is often involved. In the long term, you’d profit from working on your self-esteem and trusting your instincts; in the short term just do your best to be honest to yourself.
• 認識する 既存の偏見 you might have and whether they can influence your decisions. If you believe, for example, that corporations are greedy and corrupt (which they often are), it’s very easy to immediately believe any new rumor about some new way a corporation has found to exploit or oppress people, even if some of those news are pure clickbait. I’ve chosen corporations as a relatively mild example compared to religious, racial and similar prejudice; now consider how the latter can inflame people and you get a nice foundation for becoming a “flying monkey”.
• をお持ちの方はご注意ください。  たまったフラストレーションを発散したい という無力感を、本当の問題とは無関係の誰かに与えてしまう。 方向転換された攻撃性 特に、自分が正当化されていると感じている場合はなおさらだ。しかし、もしあなたが微妙な 安楽 怒りをあらわにしたり、悪い噂を聞いた人に罰を与えたりした後は、自分の感情をよく疑ってみること。
• 詳細はこちら。 もっと多くの情報がある。多くの 詳細 可能な限り、その情報源と信頼性をチェックすること。
• もう一方の言い分も聞く。 Ideally, talk directly to the person at whom mud was thrown. You don’t need to reveal the source of rumors, but it’s important to at least show effort to hear the target of defamation. Don’t necessarily count with that person’s honesty (sometimes rumors might be true), but ask for specific details and  相手の非言語コミュニケーションに注意を払うそして、直感的に、それがどの程度正直であったかを確認する。(不安な人の中には、たとえ無実であっても、何かで非難されると一般的に罪悪感を感じる人がいるかもしれないことに注意してください； 不安よりも移り気の兆候に注目する。

• 誹謗中傷の根源に直接向き合え。 This is not recommended if it might be a dangerous narcissist who might start targeting you as a revenge, but in other cases, try to explain your doubts to that person and observe how they react. If they at least somewhat acknowledge and understand your attitude, even if they don’t approve of it, they are more likely honest. But if they start playing a victim, attacking or accusing you, it might be that their intentions are bad.
  

もしあなたがターゲットだったら？

Most commonly, you’ll face flying monkeys at work or within your family, if a jealous colleague or family member (your partner’s parent, for example) sees you as a threat and tries to defame you to others in your environment. The target often notices strange and hostile looks, sudden inexplicable cold behavior by others (perhaps including their partner), passive-aggressive comments and similar – but might be afraid to ask what is going on, or even won’t realize it is an option, if they were trained by their family not to ask challenging questions and to コミュニケーションの問題を無視する.このような現実逃避は、奇妙な人間によって助長されているのかもしれない。 自己欺瞞の必要性 不愉快な事実に直面したとき。

私のアドバイスは、もちろん、それに向き合うことだ。真実はでたらめを切り捨てる。短期的には不快かもしれない。 今少し苦しむのと、長く苦しむのと、どちらがいい？ Once you have more information and a clear idea who is involved and why, I’d suggest you bring everybody together for a talk – so, initiators of the trouble together with their “flying monkeys”, and yourself. Explain the situation, explain your doubts and ask for their side of the story. If a person is at least somewhat healthy, such an approach would encourage much more appreciation and goodwill (if you do it in a constructive way), than avoiding, ignoring, being passive aggressive in turn and similar games people play.

Of course, the manipulator who started the whole thing won’t give up so easily, so don’t expect everything to flow smoothly.もしあなたがその人のことをよく知っていて、彼らのやり方も知っているのであれば、彼らがやりそうなことにどう対応するか、前もって準備しておくようにしよう。 餌に食いつかないようにする (such as diverting the topic, trying to prove yourself, letting them intimidate you or make you feel guilty…), just stick to the bare facts as much as you can, and express your perspective honestly rather than trying to influence anybody’s reaction. Most people are able to recognize and appreciate such honesty, at least in the long term. They might not believe you immediately, especially if emotionally bonded to the manipulator, but you are likely to at least prevent the damage from spreading further.

Only if this approach doesn’t work (or you have good reasons to presume it wouldn’t work; fear of failure, criticism or unpleasant feelings NOT being a good reason), then you can resort to ignoring and “raising above” such people. If you can, end such relationships. However, ignoring and rejecting people who might simply be well meaning victims of manipulation, without あなたの言い分を聞く機会を与えるそれは賢明でも有益でもないし、さらにダメージを与えるかもしれない。

関連記事

気持ちを観察する

誠実な生き方

自分自身の権威になる方法

すべての記事 

オンラインコーチング