My Partner’s Daughter is Jealous of Our Relationship (Emotional Incest)

質問: I am 52 years old, divorced, and recently started a new relationship with a divorced man who has three adult daughters. Since he introduced me to his daughters, the youngest of them has been feeling very insecure. She has started coming over more often, cooking and shopping for him. She shows me that I am unwanted through passive aggression, leaving ambiguous messages on his bedside table, asking provocative questions… He tries to discourage her, but instead of being direct, he acts passively-aggressively and it doesn’t yield results. I don’t know how to handle this or how much I should interfere in their relationship.

回答: Father-daughter enmeshment is still somewhat more rare than mother-son emotional entanglement, but it’s not uncommon. It seems that the daughter lacks a clear understanding of the difference between a partnership and a parent-child relationship. She has likely been entangled in a pattern of 感情的近親相姦 それは間違いなく両親のせいである。彼女は、父親が自分をパートナーとしてではなく娘として愛していること、そして一方が他方を排除するものではないことを理解する必要がある。しかし、彼女の潜在意識のパターンは長年にわたって構築されてきたものであり、合理的な説明に抵抗する可能性があるため、これを達成するのは難しいかもしれない。

Ideally, her father should explain this difference to her and set clear boundaries. A major problem here is insufficiently clear communication. He is trying to send a non-verbal message, but she may interpret it her own way or decide to ignore it. Try talking to your partner about why he finds it difficult to communicate directly. As a child, he was probably punished or discouraged if he expressed himself clearly verbally, or he learned from his parents’ example that passive aggression yields results. However, the situation has changed in the meantime.

How much should you interfere in their relationship? You have the right to react to behavior that is disrespectful and hurtful towards you. However, it is important to first assess how much of your hurt is real (neglect and violation of your personal boundaries, disrespect, insults…) and how much might stem from childhood (fear, guilt, feelings of abandonment and worthlessness, competitiveness…). In any case, it is necessary to act like an adult and communicate clearly, calmly, and respectfully.

物事が変わるかどうかは、時間が解決してくれるだろう。一夜にして変わる人などいない。娘が安心し、時間をかけてあなたに慣れていけば、状況は改善するかもしれない。また、時間が経てばパートナーの他の行動特性を見る機会もあり、彼があなたにとってふさわしい人かどうかを見極めることができるだろう。今、あなたにとって一番大切なことは、自分自身の自尊心を高めることに集中し、明瞭で思いやりのあるコミュニケーションをとることです。

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感情的近親相姦

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