口論にならずにパートナーにアドバイスを与える方法

photo by： フレームハリラック

This article was inspired by a common question: “Is it appropriate to give your partner advice about what you’d like them to change?” Let’s explore how to give advice without making your partner upset:

人間関係における境界線と欲求を伝える

行動の変化についてパートナーにどのようにアドバイスするかを考える際には、質の高いコミュニケーションが鍵となります。あなたを傷つけたり、あなたの生活の質に影響を与えたりする行動については、それに対処するのが適切です。あなたには、自分の境界線や望みを丁重に伝える権利があります。とはいえ、勝手なアドバイスは批判と受け取られることが多く、対立を招きかねません。

パートナーの行動の変化に対処する際は、相手の人格を批判するのではなく、その行動に焦点を当てましょう。友好的で対立的でない方法で、自分の考え方を説明する。

If you’re hoping for your partner to change something for their benefit rather than solely yours, tread carefully. Firstly, consider how it would feel to you if somebody tried to change you in ways you might not like. Then, I suggest you start with the question: ‘Would it be OK for you if I gave you some advice about this topic?’ Communicate why the change is important to you.

For example: ‘Could we talk about your health and would it be OK for you if I gave you some advice about it? This is important to me, because health problems could influence the quality of our relationship in the future.’

バリデーション

Listen to and validate your partner’s point of view. Try to understand what the behavior means to them. It could be a coping mechanism, a way to connect with family, or a source of comfort or security based on their past experiences. Consider their personality, upbringing, and communication style when offering advice. Ask your partner if there is a way you could help them that they would really appreciate.

How they will react to your advice depends on multiple factors: their personality, upbringing, and role models; your personality and communication style; the non-verbal message you convey; the nature of your advice; and whether your relationship is generally tense or full of trust. They don’t have to agree with you, but it doesn’t mean it’s OK for them to put you down or verbally attack you, for example.

こちらも参照のこと： 批判されながら感情的な検証を与える方法

人間関係のバランスと妥協点を見つける

If your partner doesn’t feel like doing what you suggest, avoid pressuring them. Remember they have the right to refuse you, and being in a relationship doesn’t mean they have to be exactly what you want, or vice versa. Some people seem to have a fairy-tale perception of intimate relationships, believing that in a successful relationship there is no disagreement, or even that for them to be happy, everything has to be their way. Such all-or-nothing perspective is counter-productive.

Rather than trying to change or control your partner, presume they will remain as they are, and re-examine the relationship. Is what you want them to change a condition for you to be happy in a relationship, or not? If it is, it might be better to cut your losses and leave sooner rather than later. If it isn’t, work on finding ways to accept them as they are. After all, being accepted for who they are is one of the most important desires in an intimate relationship for most people.

この話題についてパートナーと話し合っているときに、自分の中に強い感情が浮かび上がってきたことに気づいたら、責任を持ってそれを吟味してください。それは現実的なものだろうか？それとも、単純化しすぎていて幼稚だろうか？あなたの懸念は誇張されていませんか？その状況は、あなたの過去の誰かや何かを思い出させませんか？現在を偏見なく見るのではなく、過去に反応していないか？参照 年齢回帰とは何か？)

結論

Remember that most advice will be perceived as criticism, even if mild. Giving advice requires sensitivity, empathy, and responsibility. It’s essential to address behaviors rather than personalities, to listen actively, and to respect each other’s autonomy. Ultimately, relationships thrive on acceptance and understanding, where both partners feel valued for who they are while also supporting each other’s growth.

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交際中のコミュニケーションにおける10の重要なルール

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批判されながら感情的な検証を与える方法

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