セラピストとクライアントの関係

The road to hell is paved with…

As a person, family or country becomes less focused on mere physical survival, the awareness of the importance of emotional health, relationships and spirituality becomes stronger. Ever more people are looking for help and guidance in this context. Eventually, some people wish to change from the role of a client to that of a helper. However, often not even in the framework of formal, university education enough attention is dedicated to the relationship between a helper and a client, apart from some general guidelines. Such knowledge is particularly insufficient in the area of “alternative” helping methods. So it happens sometimes that helpers, even when they act with best intentions, harm their clients more than they help them.

将来、人助けをしようと考えているすべての人たち、そしてすでにセラピスト／コーチとして働いている人たち、あるいはこれから働こうとしている人たちへの指針として、クライアントとセラピストの関係の複雑さと影響力、そして責任を持ってそれに取り組むことの重要性に注目していただきたいと思います。

の世界では 代替支援方法, some people call themselves therapists without any training or after short training in a narrow area, which might be based on dogma and theories rather than on the openness of mind, experience and thinking. Knowledge without inspiration and good intentions won’t bring much good, but lack of education and knowledge will cause people to make huge mistakes.

Regardless of therapists’ best intentions, the success of their work will primarily depend on their emotional maturity and responsibility. This means that therapists have to heal themselves and their own lives: resolve disturbing emotions, build fulfilling relationships and create lives which fulfill their emotional needs. If a therapist’s needs are not fulfilled or if they are still immature (“false” needs compensating for the healthy ones, e.g. the need for power can compensate for healthy need for love) there is a big risk that they may attempt to satisfy their needs through their relationships with their clients.

The risk is increased by the fact that often a therapist can fulfill such needs more easily in the relationship therapist-client than in other relationships. The premise of such a relationship is that the therapist is in the position of authority, while the client trusts them sufficiently to accept them as authority. In such a relationship it’s much 影響を与えやすく、操りやすい 知識も能力も同等であると認識し合っている人間同士の日常的な関係よりも、相手のことをよく考えている。

潜在意識のダンス

セラピストという職業を選ぶ理由は、次のようなものです。 権威・権力・地位 他人から見て。そのような人は 自分は他人より能力があり、他人に影響を与える権利があると思い込む。. This attitude doesn’t necessarily have to be obvious to others. 

Sometimes a therapist’s wish to make the world a better place will result in attempts to change others without allowing them to grow at their own pace. This is often a result of an 無意識のうちに幼稚な感情を捨てなければならない. Just as in love relationships we often choose partners who are in some ways similar to our parents, to fulfill the unconscious wish to change or save our parents, in a therapist’s position we can project this savior’s attitude to the rest of humanity. Subconsciously, we might hope to make a difference, deserve love or approval, make things easier for ourselves 私たちが初期の家庭で望んでいたように. If clients don’t change at the speed and in the direction we want, this can provoke 幼稚な怒りと批判. 

An example of similar behavior are animal rights or environmental issues activists, who sometimes try to change other people by violent methods, seeing them as evil, instead of as people conditioned by their education and insufficiently informed. Such people often identify themselves with what they are trying to protect, while projecting anger toward those who they see as “victimizers”. This anger has its origin in their 両親や当局との関係. Even if the motivation for their actions is positive, if they act on their childish feelings they are neither able to see the others’ perspective, or to understand that their violent behavior will naturally trigger defensive reactions rather than agreement.

少なくない数のセラピストが、自分には以下のような権利があると意識的に信じている。 威を借る. Such persons usually create rather rigid, hierarchical organizations around them with elements of personality cults, and they openly take a dominant attitude towards their clients, requesting things from them and prohibiting things to them, which doesn’t help clients to improve their lives, but helps maintain the power structure. Such requests can be explained by different moralistic ideas, but it is important that they are not logically and naturally connected to the solution of a client’s problem. For example, requests to adhere to certain ritual procedures and formalities, not to explore different approaches and not to question the therapist’s dogmas. 

そのような影響力を行使する方法は、微妙な集団の圧力や非言語的な不承認から、直接的な罰や脅迫まで、さまざまである。共通の結果は、クライエントが徐々に不平等な立場に導かれ、無力感、依存、恐怖、罪悪感、劣等感がクライエントの中に生まれることである。

For this to be achieved, the client must have complementary emotional issues: lack of self-confidence and self-trust, a feeling that it’s natural not to be respected and treated as equal, and that their opinions and inner guidance are not taken into consideration. Since some people grew up in exactly such an atmosphere, it is not difficult to induce them to accept it once again. Actually, 多くの人が求めているもの セラピストやコーチは 権威と意思決定：親の代わり.そのため、自分を支配しようとするセラピストよりも、対等な人間、できる人間として扱ってくれるセラピストに信頼を示さないクライアントがいるのだ。

お気に入りのイリュージョン

私たちは皆、自分が正しいと思っているし、正しいことが好きだ。コーチやセラピストも例外ではない。しかし、他の人と同じように セラピストは経験と信念によって制限される. One of the key problems with many approaches is the assumption that therapists know the answers, while clients know little or nothing about their problem. Answers are more frequently sought in either rational knowledge or emotional (intuitive) impressions of the therapist, than in the client’s inner resources and subconscious mind.

既知の考え方や治療アプローチのすべて、あるいは大部分を徹底的に分析することは不可能であるだけでなく、他の生活上の義務のために、セラピストは比較的狭い範囲の興味に深く没頭する時間さえほとんどないことが多い。誰でも特定の分野の知識は好きだが、感情的にあまり魅力的でない知識は、通常はるかに重要でないように見える。その結果 どのセラピストも、自分の専門分野で答えを探す。, and they might not want, or won’t be able to, think of the entire spectrum of different possibilities.

This is natural and almost unavoidable, but it can become dangerous in case of suggestive approaches, or in case of therapists who are prone to exert their influence and authority over others. Sometimes a therapist who is an expert in a particular issue, or who may be excited about some recent findings or ideas, leads clients into believing that they have that very problem. “道具がハンマーだけなら、すべての問題は釘のように見える。” 

As for clients, they come for help, very often due to grave problems, and it is pleasant to believe that somebody can give them solutions. The client can long for somebody to take over a part of the burden of decision making, or to offer new, interesting belief structures which give hope for “instant”, effortless solutions. Clients might long for somebody to whom they can surrender their lives and whom they can idealize, just like parents. 人生における困難な問題は、自然に子供っぽい感情を引き起こす。そのため、その時点で権威とみなされる人物は、クライアントの親代わりとなりやすい。

こうしてクライアントは、親を信頼して安心したいと願う小さな子供と同じようなプロセスを経ることになる。 セラピストが正しく推測したり、うまくやることすべてを理想化する。.それにもとづいて、セラピストは自分のしていることを常に知っていると信頼し始めるかもしれない。この時点でセラピストが何か間違ったこと、抽象的なこと、証明するのが難しいことを言った場合、 クライアントは正当性を探し始めるかもしれない for such ideas, something like: “Well, maybe it could be true? I never thought about it before!” If there is some truth in the therapist’s assumptions, even if it is not the full truth or an important part of it, the client might focus on it and feel that the therapist recognizes their problems better than themselves. For example, if the therapist says that the problem lies in the fact that the client did not forgive somebody – and who of us does not bear any grudge against important people? – the client can be impressed by the insight that some anger is still within them, but overlook the fact that this might not be the core problem.

セクシュアリティとセラピー

実際、肉体的あるいは感情的に惹かれるものがあれば、心はそれを行動に移すことを正当化するために、どんなに突飛な理由であろうと、数多くの理由を考えることができる。これはセラピストとクライアントの関係の様々な側面においても例外ではなく、場合によっては危険な状態になることもある。

そのようなケースのひとつが、セラピストとクライアントの間の性的な親密さである。特に男性セラピストは、女性クライアントに対して性的魅力を感じることがあるが、クライアントである女性は、男性よりも、セラピストに対して、父親やその他の重要な人物の潜在意識的な代わりとして、感情的魅力を感じることがある。これは次のような場合である。 さまざまな理由 が生まれ始める。

One of the most common justifications is that there is nothing negative in sexuality, that one should not be ashamed of it and sometimes even that a sexual act itself has therapeutic properties. A good example I heard of are several men who are massage therapists, who believe that a sexual intercourse helps to “release energy” and that there is nothing wrong with sexual intercourse during a massage, if a client wishes and asks for it (sometimes with some nudging in that direction).
完全に別として セクシュアリティの感情的側面を軽視するこれは、セラピストとクライエントの関係、特に、より深く、より繊細な側面に対する無知を示している。 転移メカニズムと幼稚な感情 一般的に 

優れたセラピストを定義するもののひとつは、次のようなものだ。 understanding and respect for a client’s vulnerable position日常生活における他のどのような関係よりも傷つきやすい。クライエントは、治療的な状況の中で感情的にオープンになるだけでなく、そのようなオープンさが、そうでないクライエントを刺激することもしばしばある。 セラピストに投影されやすい抑圧された感情、ニーズ、憧れ。 を、支援と権威の源として認識する（そしてどちらも親の特徴である）。このような感情を悪用することは、クライエントにとってトラウマ的な体験につながりかねない。

顧客か子供か？

方法によっては、セラピストがクライアントの親代わりをすることが奨励される。そのような方法は、クライエントが親に対する未解決の感情に気づき、それを解放するのに役立つと想定している。このようなアプローチが疑問視されるのは、ほとんどの場合、次のような事実があるからである、 感情に気づき、それを表現するだけでは、恒久的な解決にはならない. Many people have read books that have helped them become aware of what they feel and why, many people learn to express their emotions – yet it’s often not enough to achieve true relief and freedom. In my opinion, external action and conscious understanding help somewhat, but are usually not enough to reach the subconscious mind. 

ある面では、ほとんどすべての熱愛は親代わり探しである。 もし人間関係や外的な経験によって子供じみた感情が解消されるのであれば、多くの人は比較的簡単に自分の力で解決できるだろう.しかし、このような関係はほんの一例に過ぎない。 代理, they are not what the “inner child” is really looking for, and our subconscious minds know that. That’s why many people, even when they have a very supporting and loving partner, won’t find relief within an intimate relationship and will probably continue having immature emotional patterns. Besides, focused and deep work on recovering split personality parts and resolving deep emotional beliefs is often missing in the therapeutic approach based on transference.

セラピストは人間のあらゆる問題を抱えた人間である。クライエントが表現する感情や、クライエントの行動には trigger the therapist’s conditioned reactions, i.e. unresolved emotions. Just as clients can subconsciously see their parents or another important figures in a therapist, the same association and recollection process is spontaneously and unavoidably taking place in the therapist as well. If they don’t observe themselves and their feelings carefully, maybe they won’t recognize conditioned prejudice or attraction awakening within them. 

It is possible that a therapist unconsciously begins to see a client not only as a person from their past, but as a child; or they can see their own unresolved problems in the client’s. It’s a great temptation for therapists not to impose themselves as authorities in clients’ lives, and not to believe that they necessarily know better than clients what the problem is and how to solve it. セラピストによっては、自分のアドバイスが受け入れられなかった場合、気分を害したり、クライアントを軽んじたりすることさえある。. Some clients welcome advice and instructions – someone who will take over the responsibility for their lives and tell them what to do – but then, instead of listening to their own inner truth, they start listening to a person who actually knows little about them and their lives.

直感か、エゴ・トリップか？

Many therapists, just as many people, like to think that they know much more than they actually do. Especially in the area of “intuitive diagnostics”, as well as predictions for future (an area most prone to abuse), rare helper will consider the possibility of their own mistake, or even make an effort to carefully choose their words. I remember several encounters when I was given, often unsolicited, guesses about my physical health, and each of them was completely different. None of them corresponded to my own feeling and experience. The majority of those “diagnoses” were made very fast, expressed by strong words, without paying real attention. Most of those guesses were based on very uncertain physical indicators such as pulse or aching body parts during a massage. Sometimes they were even based on a single glance. In most of these cases, I felt that those people were trying to feel powerful, to make an impression that they knew things about others which others either didn’t know, or didn’t want to be known.

たとえ直感的な提案が最も信頼できないものであったとしても、クライアントは直感的な提案を最も信頼することがある。.証明するものが少なければ少ないほど、その人はより多くのものを提出することができるようだ。 クライアントが、セラピストには特別な力があると自由に信じられる。.私たちは皆、人生にちょっとした魔法を必要としている。

I’ve met quite a few people who have been told by some negligent astrologists or fortune-tellers things like: “You can’t be helped” or “You’ll never find a partner”, leaving the people in the state of fear and shock and bereaved of hope. Having spoken with some people about this, I found out that one thing was common in almost all of such cases: the client received quite a good intuitive analysis of their past and present, which would invoke trust (and which is not so difficult to do for people skilful in observation and manipulative communication). However, the predictions for future turned out to be of very poor quality or completely wrong. 

未来が確定していない、あるいは少なくとも確定していないことは別として、このような予測をする人はそれぞれ、自分の印象に自分の性格や経験の刻印を押してしまう。彼らは自分の感情と向き合うことの重要性を軽視していることが非常に多いので、彼らの予測は彼らの世界観や未解決の感情に彩られることになる。あなたの未来について教えてくれる人を探しているのなら、少なくとも、幸せそうで、バランスが取れていて、人生に対して前向きな姿勢を持っている人を選びましょう。

抵抗と責任

Many methods don’t pay enough attention to resolving emotions, choosing rather to avoid, control or manipulate them. Often a client is told to “simply forgive” or in a similar way to “get rid” of their emotions quickly, maybe by symbolically burning them, sending them to the universe or avoiding them through discipline and willpower. As messages and lessons from these emotions are not received, the important relationships are left unresolved and the split personality parts are not found and integrated, this cannot yield long lasting results. Clients often try to believe that they have solved their problems, ending up suppressing and neglecting these parts of themselves even more. If they finally admit that problems are still there, therapists might call it “resistance”.

A “resistant client” – although sometimes it does happen – can be an セラピストが質問されるのを避けるための言い訳 セラピストは、そのアプローチの効率性において、特に特定の感情を道徳化したり軽んじたりする傾向がある。特に特定の感情を道徳化したり軽んじたりする傾向のあるセラピストは、クライアントに理解されず受け入れられていないという感覚を引き起こしたり、何かが欠けていると感じて無意識のうちに不快感や混乱を引き起こしたりすることがある。そのような状況では、セラピストはしばしば、そのような感情を抵抗としてラベリングするのが早すぎる。

真の抵抗 それはしばしば無意識的で微妙なものである。それはしばしば 痛みから身を守り、変化のスピードと激しさを抑えようとする試み。, if the change could threaten a client’s emotional balance or important relationships (if the client feels that their family or friends could react negatively to the change). Resistance is often shown through expressing feelings or behavior which hide other feelings that are difficult to accept (e.g. anger instead of guilt or shame, rationalization, blaming and similar). A therapist can have a subtle impression that a client does not express everything they feel. Often the client’s nonverbal communication is incongruent. In such situations it’s important that the therapist can be clear within their own mind and able to separate their own unpleasant emotions from what they feels is going on within the client.

I often hear about “alternative therapists” who are so unmindful and unwilling to take responsibility that they, not just during therapy but also during any other everyday activity, attribute most of their unpleasant emotions to the “negative energy” they supposedly took over from clients during sessions. Moreover, they might teach such an approach to their students. Such therapists tend to present themselves as spiritually advanced people, and they talk about their “taking over” client’s problems as a proof of their compassion. The stories about “a client’s negative energy sticking” onto the therapist can be a kind of a bogey for new students. Some therapists love to use such stories to display their strength and 正義, and partly also to play a victim. Then they make a show of energetic cleaning of themselves and their room, of the stories about taking on their clients’ symptoms and emotions, about clients as “energy vampires” and the like.  

I think such stories are blown way out of proportion. Therapists – through such stories – deny their own power and free will to avoid taking responsibility for their feelings. According to my experience, the only thing that a therapist can “take over” from a client is emerging of feelings that they already carry within. The less healthy a therapist, the more they suppress and deny their split-off parts, the more likely it is that a client’ unpleasant emotions will trigger their own. The more balanced, integrated and healthy a therapist is, the less it is possible for them to feel threatened by anything coming from a client.

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