7 Steps To Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone

Escape from Freedom

Many people admire and envy birds. We would love to have that lightness and freedom of movement. Gravity keeps us trapped in our own bodies. But more than that, the feeling of constraint arises when you are afraid to get out of your comfort zone.

For similar reasons, many people admire and envy adventurers, people who break the rules, and even notorious crooks and criminals. These people claim freedom that most people give up.

It is good to give up some of these freedoms, of course, otherwise the whole world would be on the verge of a war zone. It is a shame that we admire people who violate various social rules and expectations in crude and selfish ways more often and loudly than those who do so creatively, inconspicuously, by simply refusing to fit in.

Unwritten rules and expectations can be insanely petty, especially when you look back a little. In Europe a few centuries ago, wearing the wrong color could be interpreted as an insult to people of higher social status. These same high-status people had to follow highly ritualized rules of conduct so as not to be accidentally perceived as unsophisticated. Today we have more freedom and less concern about status, but most people still do not dare, for example, to dress a little more unusually, to clearly express disagreement or to spontaneously express emotions.

Fear of judgment

Often, it is the kindest, nicest people who fear the judgment or ridicule that stepping out of their comfort zone might attract. Many people are afraid of what others will think of them if they go to a restaurant or a concert alone. If they cry in public. If they initiate communication with strangers. Even if they express love.

The fear of being judged by others is an expression of the natural desire for cooperation and togetherness. The more empathy a person has for others, the more importance they attach to the opinions and feelings of others. Empathy makes society better. However, an unhealthy family or society can turn a child’s empathy to their detriment.

This kind of “training” starts at a young age: the child expresses emotions, and the parent silences them because they don’t even know how to deal with their own emotions. The child expresses love, and the parent feels uncomfortable reciprocating. The child wants to wear a flashy color, or two different shoes, and the parent says: “No, what will other people say?” Some parents sabotage not only the child’s emotions and creativity, but also their child’s intellect. They may get scared if the child asks too many smart questions, so they punish them for being “insolent” or belittle them with something like “come on, stop philosophizing nonsense!” Sometimes even just an uncomfortable expression or a strange look from the parent is enough to discourage the child. An empathetic child trusts their parents more than themselves.

It continues on the playground, where the rougher and more aggressive children, those with less empathy, usually dominate. Many others follow their example and lead, so as not to be attacked themselves. If a child shows emotional sensitivity, they will often be ridiculed. Groups of children usually actively or passively encourage everyone to fit into the mold. Similar “boxing in” occurs in institutions among adults.

When the worst people make the rules

Boxing in is not the worst thing. The vast majority of human ideologies, social systems, institutions, and even families, are relatively quickly dominated by their unhealthiest, most aggressive members. Not always the most physically aggressive, because people rebel faster against that, but rather those who are the most skilled at manipulation and persuasion. If they are also ready for physical aggression, it is even easier for them to get others to submit or at least remain silent.

Once they have established their dominance, such leaders, of course, want to maintain it. The more they are aware that their status and influence are based on deception and are not really deserved, the more they will be bothered by any expression of freedom in the behavior and thinking of others. Then they begin to create ever more petty restrictions and more aggressive punishments. Since they are usually skilled at manipulation, they manage to get enough people to follow suit. Such rules can become social or family traditions. Many people seek a sense of security in tradition, so they do not question it.

Thus, depending on the part of the world, we have come up with rules like “it is not okay to say no directly,” “younger people should not contradict older people,” or “you must wait for three offers before accepting,” or “women must cover any part of their body that someone might like,” or “men do not cry,” and these examples are, of course, just a drop in the ocean. Even subcultures that form in resistance to tradition often develop their own rigid rules and reject nonconformists within their own ranks.

How to Deprogram Yourself

You may have been given some kinds of freedom as a child, but you were denied others. Perhaps your parents approved of physical movement and exploration, but not intellectual creativity. Or they encouraged your intellect but belittled your emotions. Maybe they nurtured your artistic spirit but sabotaged your entrepreneurship.

They may have even encouraged all of the above, but they didn’t let you say “no”. Each of us is free in some ways, and in some ways trapped in our own minds. Sometimes something inspires us and we feel the urge for more freedom – but that impulse is often quickly diluted in a sea of ​​established habits. You may say to yourself “I need to get out of my comfort zone” but you don’t know how.

I should mention by the way, since some people like to take things in a simplified way, that I don’t advise any extremes and that I believe in finding a balance in everything. So our freedom is always limited by the freedom and well-being of other people. I don’t want this article to be understood as a license for “freedom” for selfish and reckless behavior.

I’m talking about the freedom to express one’s individuality when it doesn’t endanger others, when people are simply too uniform and follow everyone else too much. I’m talking about freedom from meaningless stereotypes and that voice inside us that says “but others don’t do it like that” or even “this is great to see in others, but I can’t do it”. When you know that there is no objective reason for someone to judge you, but still some strange discomfort holds you back.

Similarly, children shouldn’t be allowed to do everything – and children need to learn to find a balance between themselves and others and develop discipline. If parents don’t teach them this, later either those children will have problems, or everyone else around them.

Here are some tips on how to learn to get out of your comfort zone:

1. Know yourself. Parents and society often teach a child to suppress their emotions and lose at least a part of themselves. A person who grows up like this can live mechanically and follow other people’s expectations instead of finding their own way. They may not even be able to feel what they really want. Even people who have a strong awareness of themselves can have some suppressed desires and feelings. Of course, we don’t have to listen to every desire and emotion – not all of them are realistic – but often the very beautiful and healthy ones are suppressed. The more aware you are of what is happening inside you, the better decisions you can make. It is easier for you to be your own friend.

The increasingly popular method of “mindfulness” deals primarily with this kind of awareness, and I have published a guided meditation for this purpose here.

2. Start slowly. Don’t force yourself to jump into the deep end right away. If you are afraid of conflict, you don’t have to force yourself to immediately tell your boss everything that bothers you about him. Try a mild complaint in a restaurant first, for example. If you suffer from social anxiety, you don’t have to organize a public speech tomorrow. Start by smiling at a passerby on the street. If you don’t like attracting attention, don’t force yourself to immediately start singing loudly or dancing in the city center. However, if you are attracted to such things, you can, for example, join a group that does street performances. It is much easier to “dilute” discomfort in a group.

3. Accept discomfort. People often spontaneously treat emotional discomfort as a danger that needs to be escaped. But emotions are not dangerous. They are a source of information, but often information about the past, not the present. When you allow yourself to calmly accept discomfort, you will find that it is easier to bear than it seems. You do not have to believe what your discomfort is telling you. Remind yourself that this discomfort is probably unrealistic and the result of childhood programming.

4. Calm your inner child. Fear, shame, guilt and other inhibiting emotions often originate from childhood. Of course, sometimes these emotions can be realistic, but we are often aware that they are not, and yet we cannot help ourselves. It is useful to imagine such an emotion as a part of ourselves that is “stuck” in childhood and is unaware of reality. Offer love and compassion to this part of yourself, explain reality to it, instead of allowing your childish feelings to guide you.

5. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Many people, for example, sabotage their artistic expression because they expect their work to be excellent and of high quality from the start. It is much more liberating to approach art as a game and experiment rather than producing an impressive result. If you want to be more humorous or communicative, focus on feeling and creativity, rather than on the desired reactions of others. If you want to better express your emotions, you will also need to practice how to do so freely, yet responsibly and in a balanced way. In the early stages, it is quite normal that not everything will be perfect.

However, do not overdo this idea and make “extravagant” mistakes or ignore your own instincts and common sense.

6. Surround yourself with inspiring people. Many people feel safer around people similar to themselves. But what if these people are similarly conditioned? If you try to break free, such company is not inspiring – and could even sabotage you.

On the other hand, if someone is inspiring to you, you may worry that they would not find you interesting. But people who step outside the box are often a bit lonely and don’t necessarily expect others to impress them. If they have the opportunity to feel human warmth with you, share their feelings or give advice, that can be quite enough.

7. Seek a stimulating environment. Whatever part of yourself you want to develop, you are not alone. Maybe no one encourages you in your immediate environment, but that does not mean that there are no people like you elsewhere. Join groups and courses that deal with activities that interest you. In person is ideal, but online is better than nothing.

I hope this article has brought you at least a little inspiration and motivation. It is never too late to enrich your life with new emotions and experiences! Just keep in mind that although the journey of a thousand steps begins with the first one, the first step is not enough – you need to continue, at least one step a day.