Children and Money – Setting Boundaries

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Children who have not yet become familiar with the way money works (but also those who have) have endless requests and wishes. Just as they wish to see, touch and experience everything they see in their surroundings, objects in shop windows and advertisements lure them as well. Manufacturers and marketing experts dedicate a lot of time and effort to unscrupulous strategies for luring children to desire their product. They know that many parents cannot easily refuse their children’s requests and that they will often spend money on the child, rather than themselves. Even if some parents are not like this, if the child desires something strongly enough, his persistent pleas sooner or later may cause the parents to give in just to get some peace.

At the beginning, children know no sense of limits and believe that money comes “from ATMs”, just as many children believe that food comes from supermarkets before somebody teaches them about reality. For a small child, the money flow system can be too complex to comprehend, and they can be shocked and hurt by the fact that so many interesting things remain beyond their reach. It is almost impossible to avoid this disappointment completely; however, you can mitigate it by a wise approach.

この問題は、親が、その親に起因する。 恐れ、羞恥心、罪悪感 related to the issue of money, attempt to shut up their children’s wishes and requests as soon as possible, to avoid their own unpleasant feelings. For example, if a mother feels guilty to say “No”, she might defend herself by anger and induce guilt into the child. Often, parents start to use 操作的アプローチ: criticism, guilt or playing a victim. The younger the child, and the more intense the manipulation, the more likely it will generate unpleasant impressions and feelings regarding money. That can lead to the children’s unhealthy behavior as adults; ranging from spending their entire lives in a victimy attitude, to greed and rapacity.

If your financial situation is average, you will have to limit the number of children’s requests which you will satisfy, especially considering the quantity of attractive offers on the market. However, we recommend it even if you are wealthy, to avoid that your child becomes a 消費社会の奴隷メディアによって操作され、外的で物質的なものに集中する。子どもはマスメディアの操作的なメッセージを吸収しやすく、カラフルなパッケージに惹かれる。同時に、十分な教育を受けていないと感じている子どもたちもいる。 健康的な愛情と配慮 (産業社会では、親が長時間働き、ストレスを抱えて帰宅する場合、こうした欲求を満たすことはしばしば困難である）。 内なる空虚から注意を引き離す.

この問題は、子どもたちの仲間集団が争ったり、力を競い合ったりすると、悪化することがある。子どもたちの中には、次のようなことに集中する子もいる。 対外的な力の誇示. Children can make life almost unbearable and cause many traumas to those who cannot or do not want to buy status symbols. Sometimes school bullies choose as their victims the very children who do not display external symbols of wealth such as branded sneakers or clothes. However, you will notice that the lack of status symbols is frequently only an excuse, and the main child’s features for which he is terrorized are insecurity and shyness. 強い個性を持つ自信家は、ステイタス・シンボルの量に関係なく評価される大人も子供も。

お金と消費主義についてのコミュニケーション

While children are still small, it’s important to do everything in your power to set healthy boundaries, but without making children feel that they are helpless, that their wishes are not heard and that they have to expect scarcity. The main goal is to develop in children a healthy 有能感 そして、彼らの希望が考慮されるのは当然のことであり、また、彼らには次のような能力もある。 彼女を本当に幸せにする内なる深い願いと、表面的な願いとを区別する。 環境に影響された。

子どもにはできるだけ簡単に、お金とは人々が生産物を交換する手段であることを説明する。ある人は働くだけ、ある人は奪うだけということがないように、お金でバランスをとり、生産に費やされた時間と労働を尊重するのです。私たちは理想的な世界に生きているわけではないので、多くの人々がお金について病的で歪んだ信念を持っていることを子供に説明するように努める。その結果、闘争や嘘や不公平が生まれ、残念ながら大多数の人々は、自分の仕事に見合うだけのお金を受け取ることができない。多くの人が、自分にはこれ以上のことは達成できない、そのためにこのような境遇にとどまり、他の人に利用されているのだ、と信じるようになったのだ、と言うことができる。

社会や自分の生活におけるある事情により、今現在は子供たちの願いを叶えることができないが、それは仕方がないことだと子供たちに伝えることができる。 彼らは将来、その願いを叶えることができるだろう, if they gain enough knowledge and invest enough time and effort. In that way you reduce the children’s disappointment and increase their motivation to be creative.

The next key issue that needs attention, is to familiarize the child with the ways in which some people try to manipulate him. Explain to him that there are many people who are so unhealthy that for them it’s more important to have more and more money than to produce good quality, and sometimes they don’t even care if they will harm other people emotionally or physically, or even cause their death. Explain to the child that often these very people have the greatest influence on others, since they do not hesitate to con and manipulate, and frequently they succeed in making people believe them. You can tell children that such people will try to convince them that they are worth less, or that they will not feel good if they don’t buy all kinds of products. Tell them that these people intentionally strive to arouse in children a strong desire for worthless, even harmful products, that they try to make children feel bad (frightened, lacking, not good enough) and to install a belief that they would feel better if they bought certain products.

When you shop together, draw the child’s attention to the attractive packaging and appearance of a product, and then to its quality. When you watch or read commercials, 操作的なメッセージに注意を向けさせる そして、そのようなメッセージがどのように選ばれたのか、その目的は何なのかを説明する。健康な大人なら誰でもそうであるように、子どもたちも、何か良くないことがあると、徐々に感じていくものだ、 嘘を見抜けるようになる and misleading messages. Likewise, they can feel what is healthy and sincere. However, small children need help and support in order to learn to recognize, value and consciously analyze this inborn instinct. Without other people’s guidance, this inner voice can be choked in the flood of manipulative commercials.

真の欲望

The next lesson for the child is to learn to distinguish and separate superficial, temporary or “false” wishes from those deep, joyful, true ones. Whenever you can, 子供たちに、立ち止まり、注意を内側に向け、自分の身体や感情に耳を傾けることを教える。. Ask them what kind of feeling they have about a specific wish. Is it deep and happy, or “shallow”? Is there any unpleasant feeling connected to this wish – fear, urgency, insecurity, anger, greed? Ask them to imagine that they have already received the desired object, that they have been playing with it for several days or weeks already. When they imagine it, do they have a feeling that this object would 長期的に幸せにするそれとも、すぐに忘れ去られてしまうのか？

年齢にもよるが、多くの人が物質的なものを欲しがり、それが自分の内面を良い方向に導いてくれると思っている。 彼らが求める感情は、内面から来るものでなければならない, not from the outside. Ask your children how they thinks they would feel if they receive the desired object, what kind of satisfaction would it cause them to feel? Tell them that by careless purchases, a pile of garbage is being created which burdens the planet, which is already polluted, and that it’s important to choose those things which he is not going to discard so soon.

最初はね、 don’t expect the child to give entirely sincere answers, since children may not want to give answers that might cause them to give up what they desire, or they are simply unable to be aware of everything they feel. Eventually, be ready to gently, but in a determined way, make your own decision. However, your goal in this communication is long-term – to help children そのような自問自答をする習慣を徐々に身につける and to listen to their deepest feelings. Even if they refuse, even if they don’t seem to listen to your words, if repeated, those words will stay with them until time and experience teaches them to appreciate your lessons.

実践的アプローチ

If you buy a toy and soon enough you find it discarded or destroyed, take advantage of this situation to instruct the child additionally about superficial wishes. Avoid inducing guilt and “didn’t I tell you”. Many times, children will best 失敗から学ぶ, just like each one of us. Ask children how they feel about that object now, and tell them to compare that feeling with the earlier strong desire. Ask them what kind of feeling they were looking for (pleasure, fun, self-worth…), and whether they have an idea how to develop such a feeling from the inside, instead of through material objects. Do not expect instant results, but expect children to embrace such a way of thinking when they have gained enough experience to truly understand it.

Think about how much money you are ready to spend monthly to satisfy your children’s wishes. 相手の希望をある程度満たす用意をしておく, regardless of how they may seem insignificant or short lived. The fact is that even some of your wishes are not especially wise, deep or vitally important, still you enjoy fulfilling them. Try not to create a feeling of deprivation in your child, as if he was a “second-class citizen” by belittling their wishes while fulfilling yours.

その後だ、 子どもに選択肢を与えるあらかじめ金額を決めておけば、その中から一番重要なものを選ぶことができる。同時に、自分の体の声に耳を傾け、どんな気持ちになりたいかをチェックするように指示する。そうすることで、優先順位をつけ、金銭的な決断をすることができるようになる。時間が経つにつれて、子どもたちが自主的に判断することから学べるように、お小遣いを与えるようにしてもいい。しかし、初めのうちは、あなたの手助けや管理が必要です。

同調圧力

子供が就学年齢に達したとき、こうした習慣を身につけるためにすでにある程度の時間を費やしていることが理想的だ。そうすれば、子どもはより簡単に 同調圧力に抗う.もちろん、人生が完璧であることはめったにない。物質主義に屈服させようとする社会で、有害な教育方法を適用することを避け、子供たちが健全な金銭感覚を身につけるにはどうすればいいのか。

しかし、子供たちに同調圧力や操作に抵抗することを教えることに成功すれば、それは成功である、 孤立感を感じるかもしれない, different, and other children might not be too accepting of them. But what is more important: to secure acceptance of shallow environment, or to have emotional health and self-awareness? If you find it too important for your child to be accepted or popular, you might indirectly encourage them to be emotionally shallow and create unfulfilling relationships, which doesn’t bring true and lasting happiness. On the other hand, children who feel rejected by their peers are risking self-esteem problems and might later be all too aware of all the shallowness in the society to fit in. Yet such people can be much happier within their own narrow circle of friends and genuine relationships. 

So use your wisdom to find balance. It’s not a good idea for your children to be too different – bullies might even find it an excuse for abuse – but teaching them some non-conformism, emotional independence and wider perspective can only help them later in life. リラックスして、自信を持って、人と違うことを教える.自信に満ちた部外者は、弱いというよりむしろクールだと思われることが多い。友達を自分で選ぶことを教えながら、表面的な部分だけを見て、本当の良さを見抜くことに集中させる。最後に 親の心の支えが何よりも大切 子供たちが一度は必ず経験する痛みや不公平に対処する手助けをすることは、他にはない。 

Let’s say that your children are mocked by their peers because they wear non-brand sneakers. The conversation with your child could unfold more or less like this:

子供:ママ／パパ、このスニーカーを買ってちょうだい！

親:これは本当に高い。同じ品質でもっと安いスニーカーは別のブランドからたくさん出ている。

子供:でも、学校ではみんなそんなスニーカーを履いている！

親:それについてどう思いますか／どう感じますか？(小さな子供はこのような直接的な質問に答えるのが難しいかもしれないので、助けてあげられるように準備しておくこと)どのブランドのスニーカーを履いているかは重要だと思いますか？

子供: But other children make fun of me because I don’t have them. They tell me my parents must be some losers! Nobody wants to play with me!

親 (show respect and sympathy and adjust your words to the child’s age): It is really tough to hear and suffer this every day. I wish to help you, but there are several reasons which make me feel bad when it comes to the purchase of these sneakers.

First, the manufacturers of these sneakers try to create such an atmosphere, in which everybody must have them to avoid being ridiculed. This enables them to set such a high price, so they can take advantage of people to the fullest. I don’t want to accept this and I don’t want you to learn to accept this. Moreover, these manufacturers frequently abuse people in poor countries, even children, forcing them to work almost like slaves in order to reduce their costs.
Second, I am afraid those children may convince you that your value depends on what you wear. These are sick ideas and I don’t want you to accept them. Sneakers have no value. It is important what the person is like inside and how he treats other people. I don’t want you to forget this.
彼らに耳を貸さず、彼らに自分を悪く思わせることを許さないだけの強さが自分にあると思うか？

子供: I don’t want to listen to them, but I can’t help feeling bad when they treat me like that!

親: Certainly you won’t be happy because of that, but can you stand it? Or do you feel that they are right, that they know you better than you know yourself? That they really see you? Do you think they are more valuable, better people, because they wear such sneakers?

子供:いや、でも...。

親:何が彼らをそのようにさせると思いますか？彼らはそのような行動で何を達成しようとしているのか？なぜそのような行動が必要なのか？(このような質問をするときはやさしく、要求しないようにし、子どもが答えを見つけられるように助けてあげましょう）。もしあなたがこのようなスニーカーを履いていたら、彼らは本当にあなたを見て尊敬してくれると思いますか？

子供: I know, but I would still like these sneakers. I don’t want them to make fun of me.

親: If it is too hard for you, I can buy them. But I think that, if you can stand it, you can develop great strength and become your own person, instead of following them. They will not love or respect you, no matter what you are wearing, since the problem is in their sick beliefs. If you buy the sneakers, they will find something else to mock about you. They might start to make fun of you because of your clothes, then because of your mobile phone…eventually you’ll be spending a great amount of money just to become accepted by those who you do not like to begin with. Are there any other children who are not like that, with whom you could connect? Do you have any idea how you can respond to those children when they make fun of you? (Help the child to create ideas).

I have intentionally left the ending of the conversation open, since there is never only one solution. Maybe you will still buy the sneakers if the peer pressure makes your child’s life truly unbearable and traumatic. The purpose of such a conversation is not to win the argument; the purpose is to teach your children different values, so that they learn to think for themselves and put other people’s words in perspective.

子供たちが健康で、自分自身を本当に大切にしていればいるほど、このようなことを理解し、受け入れることが容易になる。しかし、すでにある種のトラウマを経験し、自尊心が欠如している場合は、いくら理性的に話しても足りないかもしれない。それなら、時間を割いて 健康的な方法で愛と敬意を示す新しい潜在意識の印象と新しい自動反応が生まれるのに十分な時間だ。

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