セックスの話題

Do I have your attention?  😉 

A society which oppresses women digs its own hole, since women are the ones who primarily raise its children. An unhappy woman with no self-esteem can’t teach her children to be happy and loving. Then the society as a whole cannot be kind, friendly and ethical. All the other “cultural” differences are just details.

私たちは、世界中を観察することができる。 女性が真に尊重される社会は、最も幸福で先進的な社会でもある. When using the word ‘advanced’ I don’t necessarily mean technological and economical opportunities (even if there are some connections that can be made), but emotional and social quality of life in the first place. Some societies humiliate women in subtle, not so obvious ways, and it too has consequences.

Western societies regularly turn a blind eye to the abuse of women in some other countries or religions, calling it “cultural differences”. This is cowardly. Culture should not include violating human rights – 人権は文化の上にあるべきだ.文化的伝統がしばしば単純化しすぎた偏見や誇張に基づいて形成されていることを考えれば、私たちはそれを基本的人権以上に尊重すべきなのだろうか？

しかし、女性にも男性と同様に変化の責任がある。私の知っている男性の中には、男性よりも女性を褒める人がかなりいるが、多くの女性は男性を批判し、被害者のように感じている。一方、私の仕事柄、平均より大人びた男性に会うことが多い。

とにかく、ただ回るだけだ 男性批判は被害者意識, not a constructive one. Many men can’t be expected to be motivated to respect women, but this comes from their childish feelings to which criticism doesn’t help at all. Boys raised in patriarchal societies usually find deep relief as soon as they become aware of their own gender, and try to act as manly as possible in order to ‘deserve’ the freedom and respect they see other men getting. Even if they wouldn’t do so, society would force them to, through humiliation and rejection if they showed any ‘feminine’ behaviour (even if such behavior has more to do with wider knowledge and understanding than gender). Sometimes their mothers and sisters support this as much as fathers and brothers.

母親の影響

Some mothers still encourage their own daughters (and sisters, daughters in law…) less than sons, expect less from them and appreciate them less. Unconsciously, this comes from the same attitude such a woman has for herself.

母親は父親よりも影響力がある over a child’s basic impression of themselves and the world around them. The younger the child is, the deeper and stronger these impressions are, and in the first few months and sometimes years of life, the mother is definitely the closest person. Not to mention the pre-natal period, which is probably just as important. I’m not diminishing the father’s role, but it rarely has such deep fundamental influence as the mother’s.

人と仕事をするとき、私はたいてい次のことに気づく。 母親が感情的に成熟していない人 父親よりも、普通は 変更がより困難 and need more time and effort to do it, than people whose father was the less mature one. The father definitely influences the child’s personality, beliefs and emotional patterns which might cause them problems later in life, but still has less influence than mother to the deepest, most basic self-perception.

責任を取る

責任を取るとは、まず自分たちの生活を幸せにすること、娘たちに尊敬に値する雰囲気を与えること、偏見を助長するようなこと（例えば、小さな女の子を美人コンテストに出すようなこと）を拒否することである。

The change can’t be imposed aggressively to others. A woman has to be gentle, but persistent. The change must be based on our own behavior as the example. Children learn mostly from observing others and their example, and many adults still learn fastest in that way too.

It’s important for women to realize that, just as they were indoctrinated through most of history to not achieve more and demand more, so were men and boys indoctrinated to think what is normal and what to expect from women. It’s pointless to blame them for being indoctrinated, just as it’s pointless to blame girls and women for not knowing better. Many men are willing to consider the female perspective if it’s 非難や一般化ではなく、友好的で論理的な方法で提示される。. Some men are not willing to listen because they prefer privilege and power. With such men, it’s especially important to keep in mind the following paragraph.

一貫性と行動の重要性

敬意をもって扱われたいのであれば、自分自身を尊重していることを示す必要がある。 人は通常、あなたが自分自身を尊敬していると感じるのと同じように、本能的にあなたを尊敬するものだ。 Words are not enough – in fact, 不作為に続く言葉は、内面的にも外面的にも、あなたを弱めるだけだ.誰かをコントロールしようとするのではなく、断固とした行動を取る必要がある。 自分には自分の意志があり、自分の心があり、自分の目標があり、自分のアイデンティティがあることを示す。. Complaining and criticizing doesn’t do that.

If you complain or threaten, only to cave in in the end; or if you justify, ignore or “forgive” inconsiderate, disrespectful, or even violent behavior out of love or pity, or if you hope that the other person would see reason if you are kind enough, the only message the other person will receive is that it pays off to treat you that way; that such behavior is tolerable and justifiable. Few people are able to resist the opportunity to exploit others once they see it’s possibleすでに無礼な態度を示している人たちは、なおさらそうする可能性は低い。

唯一の解決策は、私が言ったように この記事で, is to prioritize your important values over a relationship – ANY relationship. You must not be afraid of losing a relationship, otherwise you’ll probably end up losing yourself. もしあなたが、自分自身の自尊心や誠実さよりも人間関係の方が大切だと思うなら、それはあなたが子供の頃に（意識的にせよ無意識的にせよ）自分自身を大切にしないように教え込まれた可能性が高い。これは変えることができるが、自分の恐れに立ち向かう意志が必要だ。

Some people don’t care about their own selves enough to even try. It’s unlikely we can help them, unfortunately, because they will simply lack motivation to strive for anything beyond magical solutions or controlling other people. We can help those people who might be afraid, but who still have the spark within, even just a tiny little “pilot-flame” of identity and courage, that past abuse, neglect or discouragement didn’t manage to extinguish.

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