操作に抵抗するには

なぜ私たちは操られるのか

自分の強い感情を現実的なものだと信じてしまうと、操作に抵抗することが難しくなる。

ほとんどの人は、感情が激しければ激しいほど、それがより現実的だと信じているようだ。しかし、現実はまったく逆であることが多い（命の危険が差し迫っているときを除けば）。

This is, quite likely, an unpopular claim. But if you’ve read my earlier articles, you probably know what I’m talking about. Intense emotions are often a reaction to childhood “programming”, especially suppressed emotions we never resolved.(続きを読む この記事).大人の感情とは、人生経験や脳の大人の部分に関わるもので、通常はより穏やかで複雑なものである。しかし、特に明確で合理的な方法でそれを教えてくれる人はいない。

強烈な感情の中には、生来の本能（権力闘争本能、部族的本能、死への恐怖など）に煽られたり、不健全なロールモデルから学んだりするものもある。これらのほとんどは、いくつかの言葉やシンボルを選ぶだけで引き起こすことができる。多くの人たちは、「批判的思考」を放棄してしまう。 キーワードまたは記号, such as national flags, religious symbols, or words such as patriotism, freedom, faith, and the like are used. (As George Carlin used to say, “symbols are for symbol-minded” 🙂

人間のどんな感情も、人を操るために使うことができる。 Manipulators often exploit not only fear, greed, guilt, shame, but also the human desire for cooperation, connection, to be good people, empathy – and, especially lately, the desire for freedom and independent thinking. Abusers in intimate relationships, politicians, religions, and marketers especially like to take advantage of 希望. And that’s just the beginning of the list.

操作とは定義上、秘密裏に行われるものである。操る側は、操る側が提供する選択された情報だけでなく、その状況や誘導された行動の結果についてもっと知っていれば、その人が選ばないような行動をとるよう、他人を誘導しようとする。どのようなコミュニケーション・スキルも、自分の意図を隠せば、良いことにも使えるが、操ることにも使える。

Therefore, in the first step – recognizing manipulation – we usually have to rely on our inner voice and the impression of a mismatch between the message we receive verbally and the message we receive nonverbally. But in doing so, we need to pay attention to distinguish healthy intuition from manipulated or childish emotions. Healthy intuition is usually subtler. To resist manipulation, we need not only to question what we’re feeling and why, but also to recognize the subtle voice of intuition that may counteract strong emotions.

Evolution has given us, among other things, very subtle instincts for subconsciously analyzing nonverbal speech. Thus, even nature helps us somewhat to resist manipulation. Yet those instincts obviously don’t always work, because even quite obvious mass manipulation often succeeds. These instincts don’t seem to work equally well for all people. Childhood environment certainly influences their development.

家族の中には、あるいは文化全体が操作に満ちていたり、少なくとも真正性を欠いていたりする。場合によっては、特に、人を操る親族に加えて、本物志向の行動のロールモデルが十分にいる場合、私たちはその違いを十分に学ぶことができ、操られることに簡単に抵抗できるようになる。しかし、周囲のほとんどが不真面目で、幼い頃からそのような環境が普通であれば、私たちは不真面目な行動を自然なこと、さらには望ましいこととして受け入れるようになる。そうなると、本物であることが不自然に感じられ、敬遠するようになるかもしれない。

操作は必ずしも悪意や意識的なものである必要はない。直接的な言い方をすると罰せられるという経験から、人を操る人もいる。また、家族の中でそれが普通だったからという理由もある。無意識的な操作も操作であることに変わりはないが、そのような操作をしている人の内面的な不和が少ないため、非言語的なシグナルの協調性が低くなり、より成功する可能性がある。

また、現代の問題は、電子メディアを通して、録音されたものを見なければ、私たちは言語的なメッセージだけを受け取り、非言語的なものは私たちから隠されてしまうということである。声だけであれば、声色や抑揚など、話し手が無意識のうちに発している信号の一部を受け取ることができることもあるが、文字で書かれた内容であれば、それすらない。

In this case, one way to resist manipulation is to ask yourself: does this content provoke certain emotions in me (eg fear, anger, pride…), and to what extent does it seem to do so in a conscious and deliberate manner? Does it seek to stimulate my emotions to obscure my objectivity and reason? What could be the result of that and who would benefit from it?

マニピュレーターを助ける方法

少なくとも私たちの一部が信じたいと思うようなものを提供された場合、特に私たちのより原始的な本能や満たされない幼い感情や欲求を利用したものであれば、しばしば操作は成功する。 操作は誘惑の一形態そして成功するためには、何らかの形でその誘惑を受け入れなければならない。操られることに抵抗しようとする本能を、進んで抑えなければならない。

ヘイト例えば、こうだ、 エンドルフィンを刺激できる – the so-called hormones of happiness – so it’s easy to get addicted to hatred. Some people seem to carry hidden desires for violence and war, which they can control as long as they are socially unacceptable, but as soon as war is justified in public, these urges will recognize their opportunity and flourish. Greed and hope are also very seductive emotions. A great definition of marketing is “希望を売る“. Even when it is unconvincing, even when it does not show the expected results, we can convince ourselves for a long time that it is at least partly true – because we want it to be.

The desire to prove ourselves in some way, whether we want to be good, smart, special, or “cool,” can also often lead us to participate in the game. The need for love, community, and even a substitute for the family can bind us to toxic relationships and organizations. Religions and cults usually exploit the human need for a community, and often offer a surrogate family (e.g. by using terms such as “holy father”, “brother”, “sister”). You can end up trying to earn love, approval, or reward through obedience and trust, as you probably did in your early family.

If we feel fear of conflict or abandonment – or perhaps fear of missing out – we can convince ourselves to agree with the manipulator despite intuitive discomfort. Love can be used as manipulation, too: “I do it for you, for your own good, because I love you”, or “if you loved me, you would …” The manipulator needs some form of our cooperation, because if there is no cooperation there are no results.

操作戦略

Manipulation seems to be evolving along with human society and becoming more sophisticated and elaborate – including more and more pseudoscience and manipulation of science.

上記に加えて、数え切れないほど多くの手口がある：

• 非言語コミュニケーションによる操作（例：自信、被害者の役割
• touching people, entering personal space is a popular method used by salespeople in “physical” stores to either distract you or make you feel friendlier to them
• subtle, verbal or non-verbal, threats of abandonment; anger, rejection, blame … (more about emotional blackmail in この記事)
• among so-called “pick up artists”, a popular method is called “negging”, which is essentially a kind of direct or indirect depreciating of the “target” in order to arouse in them the desire to prove themselves and do what the manipulator wants. In modern political manipulation, this is also often used.
• 注意散漫、混乱、早口で際限なくしゃべり続け、ターゲットに明確に考えるスペースと時間を与えないことを目的とする。
• “forced rapport” – too fast and unsolicited signaling of intimacy and friendliness with a stranger
• ゆっくりと境界線を押し広げ、被害者がそのような状況に慣れるまで待ち、その後さらに境界線を押し広げる。恋愛関係や、時にはビジネスや政治の世界でも、加害者がよくとる戦略だ。
• 迷惑な贈り物やサービス（これの微妙なバージョンとして、お返しをする必要性を煽るために、店内で無料のお菓子を提供する業者がいる）。
• Long-term games, making friends with a “target” with no visible short-term benefits, but with long-term goals in mind
• the manipulator may ask the “target” for advice or a small favor, in order to take advantage of the human need for consistent behavior, that is, to continue to have an open attitude towards the manipulator in the future. A similar principle is used in a strategy whereby if you ask someone the first few questions which they are likely to answer yes, then they are more likely to say yes later.
• Apparent objectivity, extreme rationality without acknowledging emotions is also manipulation. Ignoring emotions means ignoring the fundamental humanity of others, which is automatically manipulative when such “objectivity” is used as an argument in any personal or political topic.
• Distortion, exaggeration and simplification of precious ideals is typical of mass manipulations and many ideologies – political, religious and the like.
• And so on indefinitely …

マニピュレーションの見分け方

人を操るということは秘密裏に行われるものであるため、最も重要なのはそれを暴くことである。最初のステップは内面を明確にすることである。操る側はあなたにどのような感情を促し、どのような行動を求めているのだろうか？そのためには、直感や微妙な感情に耳を傾けることを学ぶ必要がある。詳しくは この記事.

一方、自分の感情を分析する際には、人を操る者がしばしば利用する幼稚な感情や原始的な本能と、耳を傾けるのが賢明な健全な大人の感情や欲求とを区別する必要もある。(健全な感情と不健全な感情の区別についてもっと読む これ).その際、未熟な感情や欲望に従う言い訳を見つけて、自分自身を欺いたり操ったりしないように注意する必要がある。

Manipulators will recognize your weaknesses quickly (or they will probe until they find some) – so you must be aware of your weaknesses as well. Is it the fear of saying no, the urge to cooperate and please others, vanity, loneliness, guilt, responsibility, trust, desire to prove yourself …? Be aware of your weak points and pay special attention when you feel like someone is triggering them.

Some people may have trouble trusting their own healthy feelings and needs if they have been manipulated since childhood that their needs don’t matter. This requires longer-term, patient work on valuing and expressing your feelings both internally and externally.

過敏な人は、特にいろいろなことが起こっているときや、迅速な決断が必要なときに、情報過多によって自分の微妙な直感に気づくことができなくなるという問題もある。また、内面的な微妙な感情の衝動に気づく練習をしたり、可能な限り一人でリラックスして、気を散らさずに考える時間をとったりすることで、自分自身を助けることができる。

マニピュレーターへの対応

A lot of small everyday manipulation is easy to ignore. It’s harder when it comes to people close to you, or business colleagues. Often people ask: How to defeat a manipulator without having to confront them? But to defeat manipulation means to face it. First within your own emotions and behavioral habits, then directly with the manipulator. Manipulators seek to keep their intent hidden; once it is clearly revealed, their strategies lose power.

人を操る戦略が無数にあるように、対決も様々である。いくつかのアイデアを紹介しよう：

• Sometimes it is enough for the confrontation to be just non-verbal – for the manipulator to see you are watching them carefully. You could also “theatrically” raise your eyebrows. This can work with more “shy” manipulators, but it probably won’t with more determined ones.
• The simplest and most direct question is: what do you hope to achieve? What are you trying to make me feel? You might add: I’d rather you tell me directly. Or just ask: What do you really want?
• もう少し挑発的なアプローチはこう言うことだ：面白い戦略ですね。普段から使っているのですか？
• If you say “No” to the manipulator, they will often ask “But why?” in the hope to draw you into a debate in which you would feel the need to prove your reasoning, which they will never allow you. You can deflect by asking, “And why should I?” (Of course, there is some danger here that you will get involved in the argument. Don’t. Ignore if necessary.)
• If you see that the manipulator is using vague and distorted arguments, you can ask: Can you explain that to me, I didn’t quite understand the logic, how did you come to that conclusion? If they mumble an unconvincing answer, you can raise your eyebrows theatrically again. You can also add: Are you serious?
• If you feel pressured to say yes or no, if at all possible say: I need some time to think about this, I’ll get back to you later.

しかし、対立がそれほど単純でない場合もあり、自分の立場を明確に説明できないこともある。あるいは、操る側はあなたの感情が不合理であると信じ込ませようとするだろう。自分が正しいと相手を説得し、自分の意見に同意させる必要性を感じると、ゲームに引き戻され、操作に抵抗しにくくなる。なぜなら manipulators already know your reasons quite well, they just don’t want to respect them.

Note that manipulators will not discuss “in good faith” and honestly. Their goal is to manipulate you, and for that purpose they will happily ignore facts, logic, objectivity and anything else. And if they are adept at selective argumentation, while you feel the need to avoid conflict and come to some sort of agreement, you may find yourself “played” without even noticing, and eventually give in despite the inner knowledge that something isn’t right.

That is why sometimes it is necessary to give up on harmony and conclusion. To successfully oppose a manipulator who uses selective arguments to refute your reasons, you must take a firm stand that you have the right to say No, without an explanation the other person would agree with. That you don’t have to prove anything. That you have the right to make a decision the other person doesn’t like. You don’t have to explain the logic of your emotions and needs, as long as you can clearly say that something is important to you, and that if it is ignored, the consequences will follow.

Manipulators will try to make you feel rude, selfish or stupid if you stand up for yourself. Most cultures teach children that if they notice something other people hide, then it must not be talked about and they will be punished if they speak out. Often such silence is well-intentioned. But when it comes to manipulation, one should learn to resist this type of childhood conditioning. The manipulator just takes advantage of your habit of respecting someone else’s intimacy. The manipulator does not deserve that kind of respect.

It is clear that this type of confrontation requires deeper and long term work on our emotional patterns – on knowing ourselves well, on respecting our own boundaries, on developing inner strength and learning to express ourselves clearly. It is also understandable that one can feel resistance to do such work. But the benefits of it are much greater than just being able to resist manipulation.

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