受容を求めて

Did you ever feel fully seen and accepted – 歓迎 – just as you are, here and now? Perhaps you’d agree that it’s a feeling that rivals falling in love in some ways. Yet, not only few people in this world really have a chance to experience this, but few people even recognize it’s what they need most.

Some of us might have had such an experience in the first year of two of our lives, but too early to recall. Some might’ve not even felt it at that age, which probably means they developed some kind of 愛着問題そのため、将来そのような関係を築くことも難しくなる。たとえ良い恋愛関係にあったとしても、それは相手を本当に認めているというよりも、投影や転移、あるいは単なる性的魅力に基づいていたことが判明することが多い。そのような場合、私たちは無意識のうちにそれを感じている可能性があり、恋をしていても完全にリラックスすることが難しくなる。

歓迎されていると感じられるだろうか？私にとって、そのような感覚を表現するのに適した言葉は次のようなものだ。 避難所; At least a temporary shelter and release of all the stress, conflict and ugly news we face day by day. Sadly, few people feel like this even within their families – and even fewer people know how to give it to others.

Once you recognize it’s a feeling you want, you might increase your expectations of others and be even more dissapointed. Be aware that 貸しはない. This kind of acceptance can only be offered, not demanded. Seek people who already have this attitude and ability, rather than people you’d have to prod and beg to accept you.

仮面と本当の自分

他人に自分の素顔を見てもらいたいなら、それを見せる必要がある。 Some people wear a mask of toughness, and later are surprised and complain if others don’t see the warmth inside them. Many people wear a mask they believe is socially expected – and if マスクが承認される and praise, they feel lonely and unseen as who they truly are. People cannot and don’t have to read your mind (even if our instincts are quite fine-tuned to reading non-verbal signals).

もしあなたがマスクをすることに慣れているなら、少なくとも選ばれた友人や家族から、この習慣を学ぶ時かもしれない。最初は不快に感じるかもしれないが it’s likely that your real self will be more interesting and lively than any mask you are used to, and therefore more attractive. No matter what you do and what kind of person you are, there will always be people who will approve of you and people who’ll criticize you. Why not let go of your mask then, so at least you can connect to people who like the true you? (Just make sure that you express 最高の自分 そしてその過程で他人を傷つけないこと)。

同様に、 与えようとしないものを受け取る可能性は低い. Do you try to see people beyond their looks and their masks? Even beyond their mistakes and faults? (Don’t exaggerate with the latter, though, and confuse seeing people’s potential with neglecting your boundaries.) There are people who are truly mean and selfish, but the majority is just confused and damaged by unhealthy environment.

バランスを保つ

過度な期待は逆効果, both of yourself and others. Stress, lack of time, accumulated unpleasant experience and disappointment, instincts that might be overly alert to potential danger… to be accepting of other people might make you feel vulnerable, especially if you are emotionaly sensitive. Most other people have similar obstacles, too.

とはいえ、少なくとも私たちは、周囲の人々を外見だけでなく内面も含めて完全に見ようとすることから始めることができる。一旦認識ができれば、受け入れることは容易になる。

しかし、バランスを崩さないように注意すること。次のことに注意してください。 acceptance of others doesn’t mean neglecting yourself and ignoring possible problems. It’s perfectly possible to be primarily focused on recognizing the good in people, while still having firm boundaries and being able to say, “No.”. It’s only important that you can do it in a friendly and respectful way.

You might feel that it’s difficult to find people who would see and accept who you are (especially if you are an introvert or shy). In that case, start with 甘受.結局のところ、 いつまでも自分だけを頼りにしていればいい.たとえ誰かから受容されれば、安心や喜びがより深いものになるとしても、外的な経験が永続的な内的変化につながることはほとんどない。真の変化は、他者から聞いた、あるいは今も聞いている卑下したコメントを信じるのではなく、自分自身を歓迎し、自分自身の核を認めることができたときに起こる。そうすれば 避難所を見つける – and such a refuge is forever.

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