In a public talk I gave some years ago, a man from the audience asked if I believed in black magic. He explained that, no matter what he did, things just didn’t work out in his life, so he suspected some external malevolent influence at work. He wasn’t the only one to ask me that; others have posed the same question in private sessions over the years.
Black magic doesn’t make sense to me from either a logical or spiritual perspective. However, something else does: deeply hidden childhood programming or family trauma. Let’s elaborate.
It’s obvious why black magic has no foundation in rational thought. There’s no logical reason why it would work. Even from a spiritual viewpoint, what sense would it make if somebody could so easily override our free will? If any decision we made or spiritual path we were on could be so easily destroyed by some random malicious person’s weird ritual, it would render our autonomy meaningless. I simply don’t see how or why this could be possible.
Nocebo Effect
There are some cases where black magic can appear to cause real harm—when the affected person knows it was done and believes in it. This doesn’t mean black magic works directly; it works through suggestion. If someone believes in black magic, they may suffer from the so-called “nocebo effect.” The nocebo effect is the opposite of the placebo effect: it occurs when negative expectations cause harmful effects on one’s health. People have even died because they believed they were cursed to die. Similarly, a person incorrectly diagnosed with a terminal illness may experience real physical symptoms, and sometimes even die, from the stress of that false diagnosis. Such is the power of the unconscious mind.
What if someone believes they’ve been cursed due to recurring problems and misfortunes in their life, particularly if such issues could be related to self-sabotage or unconscious choices? While there’s no universal answer, if someone like this is my client and we focus on exploring what’s going on internally, we often uncover hidden toxic relationship bonds, family trauma, or family secrets.
Toxic Relationship Bonds
In our work, toxic relationship bonds refer to beliefs, emotions, behaviors, and values we adopted as children to remain connected to unhealthy family members. Young children cannot survive alone, so they have a deep instinct to trust, follow, and adapt to their caregivers.
When a parent or other primary caregiver behaves harmfully, children must find ways to keep trusting that person, often leading to self-blame and various toxic beliefs. These children might internalize beliefs like “Something is wrong with me,” “If I relax and have fun, something bad will happen,” or “My needs aren’t important.”
As we grow, certain parts of our brains develop and become more complex, but not all. New knowledge and experiences don’t always reach the parts where our early imprints are stored. Consequently, even as adults, parts of our brains feel as if we still depend on our caregivers for survival. While these imprints may not affect our everyday lives, they might be triggered if someone reminds us of our parents—or if we try to deviate from childhood survival strategies.
For instance, you might fear punishment if you’re too successful, causing you to unconsciously “shoot yourself in the foot.” You might feel guilt if you’re happier than your parents or siblings, leading you to sabotage your own happiness. Or, you may feel that nothing you do is good enough, attracting people and situations that reinforce this belief. The more these patterns repeat, the more it can feel like some kind of black magic is at work. Outwardly, you’re struggling to find happiness—but the underlying issues remain unconscious.
Some people may have worked hard on their emotional and relational health, yet old patterns of self-sabotage persist. This is usually due to “taboo” relationship bonds, formed so early that they’re woven into our identity and sense of survival. Since changing such bonds can feel like a threat to our safety and sense of self, we may experience strong unconscious resistance to recognizing or altering them.
Ancestral Trauma
Those of us who work with family dynamics have long known that trauma in previous generations can affect descendants emotionally. Science is now beginning to suggest (as in the book It Didn’t Start With You by Mark Wolynn) that such influences may be not only emotional but also genetic.
If you experience strange emotional or behavioral symptoms without an apparent cause in your own childhood, the original trauma might not be yours. Collective trauma from events like war, slavery, or genocide has been shown to psychologically influence multiple generations. If your ancestors suffered severe hunger, you might be prone to weight gain. There are also individual family traumas (such as unexpected deaths, abuse, or social humiliation) that can influence future generations through emotional symptoms, unhealthy coping strategies, or even subtle genetic effects.
Family Secrets
No family secret is fully a secret. We unconsciously communicate a lot about our emotions, even those we’re unaware of. Small children, who rely heavily on non-verbal communication, often pick up on suppressed emotions.
Many parents of young children have told me that, when they’re stressed or suppress anger, sadness, or fear, their children seem to sense and express those emotions for them. Children are less inhibited in showing what they feel, even if they don’t understand why they feel stressed.
If a parent is cheating, a child may sense that something is wrong before the other parent does. If there was a missing family member or premature death, children can pick up on the subtle, long-term stress in the family even if they were never told the story. This relates to the concept of family trauma discussed above.
In short, children absorb family traumas and imbalances even if no one discusses them. They may show emotional symptoms throughout their lives, sometimes even unconsciously recreating similar circumstances to bring out and heal unresolved emotions. A woman might be attracted to partners who resemble her abusive grandfather whom she never met. A man might be drawn to women who serve as substitutes for a stillborn older sister he was never told about. Another man with an ancestor who was imprisoned might feel compelled to clash with law enforcement. These are just a few examples.
Conclusion
We’re all far more influenced by early childhood imprints than we realize. Our family’s emotional heritage can come from unexpected sources. When we struggle to understand our self-sabotaging behaviors, it can be tempting to blame a mysterious influence like black magic. But such patterns are more easily explained by deeply unconscious relationship bonds or ancestral emotional trauma.
Related articles:
How To Break Free From Trauma Bond
Internal Issues And External Solutions
