العلاقة بين المعالج النفسي والعميل

The road to hell is paved with…

As a person, family or country becomes less focused on mere physical survival, the awareness of the importance of emotional health, relationships and spirituality becomes stronger. Ever more people are looking for help and guidance in this context. Eventually, some people wish to change from the role of a client to that of a helper. However, often not even in the framework of formal, university education enough attention is dedicated to the relationship between a helper and a client, apart from some general guidelines. Such knowledge is particularly insufficient in the area of “alternative” helping methods. So it happens sometimes that helpers, even when they act with best intentions, harm their clients more than they help them.

وكمبدأ توجيهي لجميع الأشخاص الذين يفكرون في مساعدة الآخرين في المستقبل، وكذلك لأولئك الذين يعملون بالفعل كمعالجين/مدربين أو يخططون للقيام بذلك، أود أن ألفت انتباهكم إلى تعقيد وتأثير العلاقة بين العميل والمعالج وأهمية التعامل معها بمسؤولية.

في عالم طرق المساعدة البديلة, some people call themselves therapists without any training or after short training in a narrow area, which might be based on dogma and theories rather than on the openness of mind, experience and thinking. Knowledge without inspiration and good intentions won’t bring much good, but lack of education and knowledge will cause people to make huge mistakes.

Regardless of therapists’ best intentions, the success of their work will primarily depend on their emotional maturity and responsibility. This means that therapists have to heal themselves and their own lives: resolve disturbing emotions, build fulfilling relationships and create lives which fulfill their emotional needs. If a therapist’s needs are not fulfilled or if they are still immature (“false” needs compensating for the healthy ones, e.g. the need for power can compensate for healthy need for love) there is a big risk that they may attempt to satisfy their needs through their relationships with their clients.

The risk is increased by the fact that often a therapist can fulfill such needs more easily in the relationship therapist-client than in other relationships. The premise of such a relationship is that the therapist is in the position of authority, while the client trusts them sufficiently to accept them as authority. In such a relationship it’s much أسهل في التأثير والتلاعب الشخص الآخر أكثر من العلاقات اليومية بين الأشخاص الذين ينظرون إلى بعضهم البعض على أنهم متساوون في المعرفة والقدرات.

رقصة اللاوعي

في بعض الأحيان يختار الناس مهنة المعالجة النفسية لأنها تمنحهم السلطة والقوة والمكانة في أعين الآخرين. قد يكون هؤلاء الأشخاص إقناع أنفسهم بأنهم أكثر قدرة من الآخرين وأن لهم الحق في التأثير على الآخرين. This attitude doesn’t necessarily have to be obvious to others. 

Sometimes a therapist’s wish to make the world a better place will result in attempts to change others without allowing them to grow at their own pace. This is often a result of an يحتاج فاقدو الوعي إلى التخلص من مشاعرهم الطفولية. Just as in love relationships we often choose partners who are in some ways similar to our parents, to fulfill the unconscious wish to change or save our parents, in a therapist’s position we can project this savior’s attitude to the rest of humanity. Subconsciously, we might hope to make a difference, deserve love or approval, make things easier for ourselves تمامًا كما كنا نأمل أن نفعل في عائلاتنا الأولى. If clients don’t change at the speed and in the direction we want, this can provoke الغضب والنقد الطفولي. 

An example of similar behavior are animal rights or environmental issues activists, who sometimes try to change other people by violent methods, seeing them as evil, instead of as people conditioned by their education and insufficiently informed. Such people often identify themselves with what they are trying to protect, while projecting anger toward those who they see as “victimizers”. This anger has its origin in their العلاقة مع والديهم أو السلطات الأخرى. Even if the motivation for their actions is positive, if they act on their childish feelings they are neither able to see the others’ perspective, or to understand that their violent behavior will naturally trigger defensive reactions rather than agreement.

يعتقد عدد أقل ولكن ليس ضئيلًا من المعالجين النفسيين عن وعي أن لهم الحق في ممارسة السلطة على الآخرين. Such persons usually create rather rigid, hierarchical organizations around them with elements of personality cults, and they openly take a dominant attitude towards their clients, requesting things from them and prohibiting things to them, which doesn’t help clients to improve their lives, but helps maintain the power structure. Such requests can be explained by different moralistic ideas, but it is important that they are not logically and naturally connected to the solution of a client’s problem. For example, requests to adhere to certain ritual procedures and formalities, not to explore different approaches and not to question the therapist’s dogmas. 

يمكن أن تكون طرائق ممارسة هذا التأثير مختلفة: من الضغط الجماعي الخفي والرفض غير اللفظي إلى العقاب المباشر أو التخويف. والنتيجة الشائعة هي أن العملاء ينقادون ببطء إلى وضع غير متساوٍ بينما تتولد في داخلهم مشاعر العجز أو التبعية أو الخوف أو الذنب أو الدونية بدلاً من أن يشعروا بالجدارة والقدرة على توجيه حياتهم وخلق السعادة بأنفسهم.

For this to be achieved, the client must have complementary emotional issues: lack of self-confidence and self-trust, a feeling that it’s natural not to be respected and treated as equal, and that their opinions and inner guidance are not taken into consideration. Since some people grew up in exactly such an atmosphere, it is not difficult to induce them to accept it once again. Actually, ما يبحث عنه الكثير من الأشخاص في المعالج أو المدرب هو السلطة وصنع القرار: بديل عن الوالدين. هذا هو السبب في أن بعض العملاء يظهرون ثقة أقل في المعالجين الذين يعاملونهم على قدم المساواة وكأشخاص قادرين على التعامل معهم، مقارنةً بأولئك الذين يريدون الهيمنة.

الأوهام المفضلة

جميعنا نؤمن بأننا على صواب ونحب أن نكون على صواب. المدرب أو المعالج النفسي ليس استثناءً. ومع ذلك، مثل أي شخص آخر المعالجون مقيدون بخبراتهم ومعتقداتهم. One of the key problems with many approaches is the assumption that therapists know the answers, while clients know little or nothing about their problem. Answers are more frequently sought in either rational knowledge or emotional (intuitive) impressions of the therapist, than in the client’s inner resources and subconscious mind.

ليس فقط أنه من المستحيل تحليل جميع الأفكار والمناهج العلاجية المعروفة أو حتى معظمها تحليلاً شاملاً، ولكن بسبب التزامات الحياة الأخرى، غالباً ما لا يتوفر للمعالجين وقت كافٍ للتعمق حتى في نطاق ضيق نسبياً من الاهتمامات. يستمتع الجميع بقطاعات معينة من المعرفة، في حين أن تلك التي تكون أقل جاذبية من الناحية العاطفية عادة ما تبدو أقل أهمية بكثير. وبالتالي, سيبحث كل معالج عن الإجابات في مجال خبرته, and they might not want, or won’t be able to, think of the entire spectrum of different possibilities.

This is natural and almost unavoidable, but it can become dangerous in case of suggestive approaches, or in case of therapists who are prone to exert their influence and authority over others. Sometimes a therapist who is an expert in a particular issue, or who may be excited about some recent findings or ideas, leads clients into believing that they have that very problem. “إذا كانت الأداة الوحيدة التي لديك هي المطرقة، فإن جميع المشاكل تبدو كالمسامير.” 

As for clients, they come for help, very often due to grave problems, and it is pleasant to believe that somebody can give them solutions. The client can long for somebody to take over a part of the burden of decision making, or to offer new, interesting belief structures which give hope for “instant”, effortless solutions. Clients might long for somebody to whom they can surrender their lives and whom they can idealize, just like parents. مشاكل الحياة الصعبة تثير بطبيعة الحال المشاعر الطفولية، لذلك يمكن للشخص الذي يُنظر إليه كسلطة في تلك اللحظة أن يصبح بسهولة بديلاً عن العميل.

وبالتالي يمكن للعملاء أن يمروا بعملية مشابهة لعملية الأطفال الصغار الذين يرغبون في الوثوق بوالديهم من أجل الشعور بالأمان: يمكن أن يفاجأوا بشكل إيجابي و مثالية كل ما يخمنه المعالج تخمينًا صحيحًا أو يقوم به بشكل جيد. وبناءً على ذلك، قد يبدأون في الثقة في أن المعالج النفسي يعرف دائمًا ما يفعله المعالج. إذا قال المعالج في هذه المرحلة شيئًا خاطئًا أو مجردًا أو يصعب إثباته, قد يبدأ العميل في البحث عن مبررات for such ideas, something like: “Well, maybe it could be true? I never thought about it before!” If there is some truth in the therapist’s assumptions, even if it is not the full truth or an important part of it, the client might focus on it and feel that the therapist recognizes their problems better than themselves. For example, if the therapist says that the problem lies in the fact that the client did not forgive somebody – and who of us does not bear any grudge against important people? – the client can be impressed by the insight that some anger is still within them, but overlook the fact that this might not be the core problem.

الجنسانية والعلاج

والحقيقة هي أنه إذا ما جذبنا شيء ما جسديًا أو عاطفيًا، يمكن للعقل أن يفكر في أسباب عديدة، مهما كانت بعيدة المنال، لتبرير التصرف بناءً عليه. وهذا أيضًا ليس استثناءً في جوانب مختلفة من العلاقة بين المعالج والزبون، وفي بعض الحالات يمكن أن يصبح الأمر خطيرًا.

إحدى هذه الحالات هي العلاقة الحميمية الجنسية بين المعالج والعميل. يمكن أن يشعر المعالجون الذكور على وجه الخصوص بالانجذاب الجنسي نحو عملائهم من الإناث، في حين أن النساء كعميلات، في كثير من الأحيان، أكثر من الرجال، يمكن أن يشعرن بالانجذاب العاطفي للمعالج كبديل لا شعوري للأب أو أي شخصية أخرى مهمة. هذا عندما مبررات مختلفة البدء في إنشائها.

One of the most common justifications is that there is nothing negative in sexuality, that one should not be ashamed of it and sometimes even that a sexual act itself has therapeutic properties. A good example I heard of are several men who are massage therapists, who believe that a sexual intercourse helps to “release energy” and that there is nothing wrong with sexual intercourse during a massage, if a client wishes and asks for it (sometimes with some nudging in that direction).
بصرف النظر عن إهمال الجوانب العاطفية في الحياة الجنسية، فإن هذا يدل على جهل بالجوانب الأعمق والأكثر حساسية للعلاقة بين المعالج والعميل، وخاصةً آلية الانتقال والمشاعر الطفولية بشكل عام. 

من الأمور التي تحدد المعالج النفسي الجيد، هي understanding and respect for a client’s vulnerable positionأكثر ضعفًا من أي علاقة أخرى في حياتهم اليومية تقريبًا. لا يكون العميل منفتحًا عاطفيًا داخل الموقف العلاجي فحسب، بل إن هذا الانفتاح غالبًا ما يمكن أن يثير بعض المشاعر والاحتياجات والأشواق المكبوتة التي يمكن إسقاطها بسهولة على المعالج كمصدر متصور للدعم والسلطة (وكلاهما من سمات الوالدين). يمكن أن يؤدي إساءة استخدام هذه المشاعر إلى تجارب مؤلمة للعميل.

عميل أم طفل؟

ضمن بعض الأساليب، يتم تشجيع المعالج على لعب دور الوالدين كبديل للعميل. وتفترض هذه الأساليب أن هذا الأمر سيساعد العميل على إدراك وتحرير المشاعر العالقة تجاه الوالدين. ما يجعل مثل هذا النهج مشكوكاً فيه هو حقيقة أنه، في معظم الأحيان, الوعي والتعبير عن المشاعر ليس كافياً لحلها بشكل دائم. Many people have read books that have helped them become aware of what they feel and why, many people learn to express their emotions – yet it’s often not enough to achieve true relief and freedom. In my opinion, external action and conscious understanding help somewhat, but are usually not enough to reach the subconscious mind. 

في بعض النواحي، كل افتتان تقريبًا هو بحث عن آباء بدلاء. إذا كانت العلاقة أو التجارب الخارجية قادرة على حل المشاعر الطفولية، فإن العديد من الأشخاص سيتمكنون من حلها بسهولة نسبياً من تلقاء أنفسهم. ومع ذلك، فإن هذه العلاقات ليست سوى بديل, they are not what the “inner child” is really looking for, and our subconscious minds know that. That’s why many people, even when they have a very supporting and loving partner, won’t find relief within an intimate relationship and will probably continue having immature emotional patterns. Besides, focused and deep work on recovering split personality parts and resolving deep emotional beliefs is often missing in the therapeutic approach based on transference.

المعالج النفسي هو شخص يعاني من جميع المشاكل البشرية. يمكن للمشاعر التي يعبر عنها العميل، وكذلك سلوكه، أن trigger the therapist’s conditioned reactions, i.e. unresolved emotions. Just as clients can subconsciously see their parents or another important figures in a therapist, the same association and recollection process is spontaneously and unavoidably taking place in the therapist as well. If they don’t observe themselves and their feelings carefully, maybe they won’t recognize conditioned prejudice or attraction awakening within them. 

It is possible that a therapist unconsciously begins to see a client not only as a person from their past, but as a child; or they can see their own unresolved problems in the client’s. It’s a great temptation for therapists not to impose themselves as authorities in clients’ lives, and not to believe that they necessarily know better than clients what the problem is and how to solve it. قد يشعر بعض المعالجين بالإهانة أو التقليل من شأن العميل إذا لم يتم قبول نصيحتهم. Some clients welcome advice and instructions – someone who will take over the responsibility for their lives and tell them what to do – but then, instead of listening to their own inner truth, they start listening to a person who actually knows little about them and their lives.

حدس أم غرور؟

Many therapists, just as many people, like to think that they know much more than they actually do. Especially in the area of “intuitive diagnostics”, as well as predictions for future (an area most prone to abuse), rare helper will consider the possibility of their own mistake, or even make an effort to carefully choose their words. I remember several encounters when I was given, often unsolicited, guesses about my physical health, and each of them was completely different. None of them corresponded to my own feeling and experience. The majority of those “diagnoses” were made very fast, expressed by strong words, without paying real attention. Most of those guesses were based on very uncertain physical indicators such as pulse or aching body parts during a massage. Sometimes they were even based on a single glance. In most of these cases, I felt that those people were trying to feel powerful, to make an impression that they knew things about others which others either didn’t know, or didn’t want to be known.

حتى لو كانت الاقتراحات البديهية هي الأقل موثوقية على الإطلاق، إلا أن العملاء لا يزالون يثقون بها في بعض الأحيان أكثر من غيرها. يبدو أنه كلما قلّ الدليل الذي يمكن أن يقدمه الشخص، كلما قلّ يشعر العميل بحرية الاعتقاد بأن المعالج يمتلك بعض القوة الخاصة. نحتاج جميعًا إلى القليل من السحر في حياتنا، ولكن ليس إذا كان السحر يضر بنا.

I’ve met quite a few people who have been told by some negligent astrologists or fortune-tellers things like: “You can’t be helped” or “You’ll never find a partner”, leaving the people in the state of fear and shock and bereaved of hope. Having spoken with some people about this, I found out that one thing was common in almost all of such cases: the client received quite a good intuitive analysis of their past and present, which would invoke trust (and which is not so difficult to do for people skilful in observation and manipulative communication). However, the predictions for future turned out to be of very poor quality or completely wrong. 

وبصرف النظر عن أن المستقبل غير محدد، أو على الأقل ليس مؤكدًا، فإن كل شخص يقدم مثل هذه التنبؤات يعطي انطباعاته طابع شخصيته وخبرته الخاصة. وبما أنهم في كثير من الأحيان يتجاهلون أهمية العمل مع عواطفهم الخاصة، فإن تنبؤاتهم ستتلون بنظرتهم الخاصة للعالم وعواطفهم غير المحسومة. إذا كنت تبحث عن شخص يمكن أن يخبرك بشيء ما عن مستقبلك، فاختر على الأقل شخصًا يبدو سعيدًا ومتوازنًا ولديه موقف إيجابي تجاه الحياة.

المقاومة والمسؤولية

Many methods don’t pay enough attention to resolving emotions, choosing rather to avoid, control or manipulate them. Often a client is told to “simply forgive” or in a similar way to “get rid” of their emotions quickly, maybe by symbolically burning them, sending them to the universe or avoiding them through discipline and willpower. As messages and lessons from these emotions are not received, the important relationships are left unresolved and the split personality parts are not found and integrated, this cannot yield long lasting results. Clients often try to believe that they have solved their problems, ending up suppressing and neglecting these parts of themselves even more. If they finally admit that problems are still there, therapists might call it “resistance”.

A “resistant client” – although sometimes it does happen – can be an عذر المعالجين لتجنب التعرض للاستجواب على كفاءة نهجهم. خاصةً المعالجين الذين يميلون إلى إضفاء الطابع الأخلاقي أو التقليل من شأن بعض المشاعر، يمكن أن يثيروا لدى العميل شعوراً بعدم الفهم والقبول أو ربما عدم الارتياح والارتباك اللاواعي حيث يشعر العميل بأن هناك شيئاً ما مفقوداً. في مثل هذه المواقف، غالبًا ما يكون المعالجون سريعون جدًا في وصف مثل هذه المشاعر بأنها مقاومة.

مقاومة حقيقية غالبًا ما تكون غير واعية وخفية. وغالباً ما يكون محاولة لحماية النفس من الألم وتقليل سرعة وشدة التغيير, if the change could threaten a client’s emotional balance or important relationships (if the client feels that their family or friends could react negatively to the change). Resistance is often shown through expressing feelings or behavior which hide other feelings that are difficult to accept (e.g. anger instead of guilt or shame, rationalization, blaming and similar). A therapist can have a subtle impression that a client does not express everything they feel. Often the client’s nonverbal communication is incongruent. In such situations it’s important that the therapist can be clear within their own mind and able to separate their own unpleasant emotions from what they feels is going on within the client.

I often hear about “alternative therapists” who are so unmindful and unwilling to take responsibility that they, not just during therapy but also during any other everyday activity, attribute most of their unpleasant emotions to the “negative energy” they supposedly took over from clients during sessions. Moreover, they might teach such an approach to their students. Such therapists tend to present themselves as spiritually advanced people, and they talk about their “taking over” client’s problems as a proof of their compassion. The stories about “a client’s negative energy sticking” onto the therapist can be a kind of a bogey for new students. Some therapists love to use such stories to display their strength and البر, and partly also to play a victim. Then they make a show of energetic cleaning of themselves and their room, of the stories about taking on their clients’ symptoms and emotions, about clients as “energy vampires” and the like.  

I think such stories are blown way out of proportion. Therapists – through such stories – deny their own power and free will to avoid taking responsibility for their feelings. According to my experience, the only thing that a therapist can “take over” from a client is emerging of feelings that they already carry within. The less healthy a therapist, the more they suppress and deny their split-off parts, the more likely it is that a client’ unpleasant emotions will trigger their own. The more balanced, integrated and healthy a therapist is, the less it is possible for them to feel threatened by anything coming from a client.

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