اختبار النضج العاطفي (الجزء 2)

النقاط مع التعليقات

1. بلدي ميؤوس منه. أتمنى أن أهاجر!

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +1

Explanation: “Yes” indicates focusing on the negative, generalizing, black and white thinking, playing the victim – especially if you live in Europe, North America or other moderately developed parts of the world. Even if you emigrated, you may not end up in better conditions. Your life depends primarily on your proactivity and behavior, less on where you live – especially now, with the whole internet on your disposal. There are also many good people around you, if you pay attention to them. You might feel more fulfilled if you focus on how you can work on stimulating and improving the quality of life in your country. Note: a decision to emigrate is not by itself immature; this questions refers to complaining and generalizing.


2. لبلدي مكانة خاصة في التاريخ.

نعم: +3، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +2

Explanation: “Yes” indicates tribal mentality, following biological need for power, a need to feel better than others (without actually doing much to distinguish yourself constructively), arrogance, lack of knowledge of history.


3. The situation in my country is the government’s fault.

نعم: +1، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +0

Explanation: “Yes” indicates feeling like a victim, possible lack of responsibility or initiative, perhaps lack of knowledge. Perhaps you project your anger with parents and other early authorities onto the government.
The government is guilty if it steals, is corrupted or makes bad decisions. However, a big part of responsibility is on citizens (if they are lazy, passive, borrow money to spend it instead of investing it, choose their representatives based on superficial criteria…). Also, the world economy and politics influence every country.


4. If my intimate relationship is not perfect, it’s not the right one for me.

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +1

الشرح: توقع الكمال (من شخص آخر) يعني على الأرجح البحث عن بديل عن الوالدين. غالبًا ما يتضمن تجنب أو عدم الاعتراف بمسؤوليتك الخاصة. قد تكون توقعاتك قد تشكلت من خلال وسائل الإعلام. تتضمن العلاقات الصحية الإحباط والخلافات والنزاعات، ولكن يتم حلها من خلال الاحترام المتبادل وتقبل الاختلافات والتواصل الهادئ وتحمل المسؤولية. 


5. النباتية غبية

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +1

Explanation: “Yes” indicates lack of knowledge, prejudice, generalizing, black and white thinking, lack of tolerance for different beliefs. While you certainly don’t have to agree with other people’s choices, labeling them as “stupid” because you disagree with them shows immaturity.


6. آكلو اللحوم عدوانيون ويفتقرون إلى التعاطف والضمير.

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +1

Explanation: “Yes” indicates lack of knowledge, prejudice, generalizing, black and white thinking, lack of tolerance for different beliefs. It might indicate playing the victim and looking for somebody to project your anger with your parents to. It’s pointless to blame people for the way nature created things.


7. طفلي (سيكون/سيكون) مميزاً.

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +1

Explanation: “Yes” indicates competitiveness, comparing yourself to others, false feeling of importance, seeking external approval. You might have great expectation of your children to compensate for your own lack of self-esteem and disappointments. You might idealize your child and ignore other people and their boundaries while fulfilling your child’s desires. You might avoid setting healthy boundaries to your child. You might be in danger of unintentionally committing emotional incest. 


8. سيعتني الكون بي.


نعم: + 1، لا: 0، ربما/أحياناً: 0

Explanation: Dear New-Agers, sorry to shake your tree! This is a pleasant and comforting idea, but may indicate: passivity, lack of critical thinking, avoiding responsibility and proactivity, searching for a parent substitute. If you are adult, it’s your responsibility to be proactive in your life. Besides, it might be a bit arrogant to believe that you know how the universe works. 


9. I compare my body with other people’s bodies.

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +1

Explanation: it’s OK to like your body. But if you have chosen this as a measure of your confidence amongst all other possible values, it’s likely that you do not invest enough time and effort in other parts of your life. Perhaps you judge people by superficial criteria. Perhaps you are manipulated by mass-media. The same is true if the comparison results in self-criticism, too.


10. أوصل الفقراء والمشردون أنفسهم إلى هذه الحالة.

نعم: +2، لا: +1، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +0

Explanation: “Yes” indicates lack of knowledge, prejudice, generalizing, lack of compassion, perhaps avoiding social responsibility. On the other hand, “No” can indicate feeling like a victim, passivity or oversimplifying. An individual’s life is complex – influenced by upbringing, culture, external circumstances, coincidence, politics and/or irresponsible powerful individuals – but also by his or her own decisions made from day to day.


11. غالبًا ما يكون الناس أسوأ من الحيوانات.

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +1

Explanation: “Yes” indicates exaggerating, generalizing, black and white thinking, lack of knowledge or ignoring the facts. Fraud, manipulation, killing because of sex or territory (including killing cubs), fighting for power, rape, slavery, scapegoats etc. exist among various animals of the same species, especially more intelligent mammals. Some animals might be friendly to humans if they see them as providers of food and safety (or if bred specifically for friendliness), but it they saw you as competition, they would act quite differently. 
Also, consider the number of people who strive to overcome their primitive instincts and act in unselfish ways. There are plenty, even if it’s easier to notice those who are aggressive. 
بالطبع، الحقيقة هي أن البشر يرتكبون جرائم أكثر إبداعًا بكثير من الحيوانات. ومع ذلك، فإن هذا ليس نتيجة الطبيعة البشرية الأسوأ، بل نتيجة الإبداع البشري الأعلى، والتكنولوجيا وتعقيد المجتمع البشري، حيث يتم اختراع طرق جديدة باستمرار للقتال من أجل السلطة. نحن جميعًا جزء من نفس الطبيعة.


12. I’m often angry with my parents for what they did to me. 

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/أحياناً: 0

الشرح: على الرغم من أن عدداً كبيراً من الناس لديهم أسباب تدفعهم للشعور بالغضب، إلا أن الغضب يشير إلى أنك على الأرجح تحمل مشاعر أخرى قوية لم يتم حلها منذ الطفولة، ربما العجز، والشعور بالذنب، والخجل، والشعور بالنقص وما شابه ذلك. وفي حين أن هذا أمر مفهوم، فإن حل هذه المشاعر من شأنه أن يحسن حياتك وعلاقاتك بشكل كبير. من علامات النضج أن تتقبلي أن والديك ليسا مثاليين، وأن ماضيك ماضٍ.


13. My partner left me for another person. I’m angry at both of them. I hope they will experience the same. (Remember or imagine such a situation.)

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +1

الشرح: نادراً ما يكون الانفصال ممتعاً. ومع ذلك، يشير الغضب والنزعة الانتقامية إلى: حب التملك، وانعدام التعاطف، والسلوك المتسلط، والتبعية العاطفية للشخص الآخر و/أو الانتقال العاطفي (إسقاط مشاعر الأهل على الشريك). من المحتمل أنك لا تفكر على الأرجح في مسؤوليتك الخاصة وكيف ساهمت في تآكل علاقتك. نادرًا ما تحدث العلاقة الغرامية إذا كانت العلاقة مزدهرة.
We cannot always control emotions. People change, or perhaps they haven’t been as compatible as they thought they were from the start. It’s different if your partner deceived or otherwise abused you. That means your partner was immature anyway. If you didn’t notice lies and immaturity on time, did you pay enough attention? Did you tolerate immaturity because you were immature yourself?


14. يجب أن تكون المرأة امرأة، والرجل رجلاً.

نعم: +3، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +1

Explanation: What does this even mean? Each of us is genetically unique, so it makes sense that there are all kinds of differences among people of the same gender. “Yes” indicates rigidity, shallowness, controlling behavior, prejudice, fear of change and difference, lack of tolerance and lack of compassion for others. This statement in essence indicates a desire to control others so that you’d be enabled to play the role you desire. If you want to give a limiting and subservient role to someone else, don’t be surprised when they don’t want to play it.


15. النسوية عفا عليها الزمن

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +1

Explanation: “Yes” indicates lack of knowledge, prejudice, lack of compassion, not paying attention to the world around you. Perhaps you confuse feminism with militant, aggressive feminism, which indicates generalizing and black and white thinking. Patriarchate is still very present even in developed countries, although maybe in more subtle ways than stoning and acid attacks.

Feminism will be outdated when: women receive the same salaries for same qualifications as well as the same chances of promotion; when movies, TV shows and other mass media start focusing on women’s accomplishments instead of their looks, sexuality and intimate relationships; when media cease to glorify violent, egotistic and promiscuous behavior as “manly”; when sharing housework and child care becomes normal if both parents work; when women are not presented as sexual objects in the media (and instead are presented as experts and authorities as often as men); when industries stop focusing on profit only and take care of environment and social justice as well… and so on, the list is long.


16. الجميع يهتمون بأنفسهم فقط، لذلك يجب أن أفعل الشيء نفسه.

نعم: +3، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +2

Explanation: This is a common excuse of politicians and (other) criminals for their unethical behavior. Many people use this excuse for less-than-ethical behavior on a lesser scale. The fact is, most people (science says about 65%) simply want a dignified life and cooperation with their community.”Yes” indicates avoiding responsibility, prejudice, black and white thinking, lack of compassion, lack of awareness of consequences of your behavior for yourselves and others.


17. If people let themselves be manipulated, it’s their own fault.

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +0

الشرح: انظر 10 و 16. الشخص الذي يقرر التلاعب هو المسؤول الأول عن العواقب. بعض أشكال التلاعب خفية ومتقنة بما فيه الكفاية بحيث يمكن خداع حتى الأشخاص الأذكياء والمسؤولين. قد يكون بعض الأشخاص الذين ينتهي بهم الأمر بالخداع صغارًا في السن، أو عديمي الخبرة، أو عديمي الثقة، أو كرماء أو رحماء، أو كبار السن الذين فقدوا قدراتهم الإدراكية. أو حتى أغبياء، لكن نقص قدراتهم الوراثية لا يزال ليس خطأهم.


18. ستفقد حياتي معناها بدون شريكي.

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +1

الشرح: لا بأس بالحزن في حالة الانفصال، لكن اليأس ليس أمراً صحياً ويشير إلى أن الشريك كان بديلاً عن الشريك. فالشخص الناضج يدرك أنه لا يعتمد على شريكه/شريكته، وسيبحث عن الإشباع في داخله/ها بدلاً من البحث عن الإشباع خارجها.


19. الأشخاص الذين يقررون عدم الإنجاب هم أشخاص أنانيون وغير قادرين على الحب.

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +0

Explanation: “Yes” indicates prejudice, lack of tolerance for differences, black and white thinking. Child-bearing can also be motivated by selfish and immature reasons, while the opposite decision might well be a result of an informed and responsible attitude, especially regarding the overcrowding of the Earth. Not everybody is equally talented for anything, parenting included. People who don’t have parental instincts might give a great contribution in some other area of life (Nikola Tesla, for example).


20. It’s important to me to be noticed.

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +1

Explanation: “Yes” indicates need for power, feeling special, arrogance, a competitive attitude and/or shallowness. You might be seeking for external approval and external sources of self-confidence, instead of building your self-esteem from within.


21. It’s important to me to be able to afford luxuries.

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +1

Explanation: see entries 9 and 20. Also, “Yes” can indicate pliability, lack of creativity, lack of originality.


22. يجب أن يتفهم الناس ما أشعر به.

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +0

Explanation: Are you willing to do the same for others? People usually have many of their own issues and are conditioned by their upbringing and past experiences. Nobody can read your mind. Perhaps you do not show clearly how do you feel? Your responsibility is to communicate clearly. “Yes” indicates playing the victim, avoiding responsibility, lack of compassion for others, perhaps egotism. “Sometimes” can be OK, to include the possibility of truly inconsiderate behavior of specific other people.


23. لقد أصبح العالم مكانًا أسوأ وأسوأ.

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +1

Explanation: “Yes” indicates focusing on the negative, generalizing, black and white thinking, playing the victim. In the past, we would never have heard of much of injustice, crime and immaturity in the world. Much behavior that we consider unacceptable now would have been normal or even expected in the past. Today, there is more and more awareness of need for tolerance, accepting differences, social justice, ecology and compassion. There is more and more knowledge and information, more and more chance to be creative and free.


24. I don’t have the power to change much in the world. 

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +0

Explanation: “Yes” indicates playing the victim, avoiding responsibility, generalizing. This kind of thinking causes passivity and allows loud minority and predators to prevail. Perhaps you cannot have a big influence on the world, but even a small one can mean a lot.


25. يجب أن تلبي علاقتي الحميمة احتياجاتي.

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +0

Explanation: “Yes” indicates that your relationship with yourself is not healthy enough. Perhaps you try to escape yourself. Seeking a solution in another person, means we don’t feel worthy or able enough to create a fulfilling life. A mature person will primarily focus on finding fulfillment within. The rest is a cherry on a cake. 


26. الملابس الأنيقة و/أو المكياج الجميل يعني أنك معجبة بنفسك.

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +0

Explanation: Caring for your personal style is OK by itself. Healthy self esteem doesn’t mean letting yourself go or not enjoying nice clothes. However, self-esteem and external good looks are two separate categories. Mental and emotional association between those two categories is a result of manipulation by Cosmopolitan and similar media for selling clothes and cosmetics. It also indicates the influence of a patriarchal society, which focuses on women’s looks (more and more it’s sold to men, too) as a way to be be noticed and appreciated, instead of creativity and courage.


27. احترام الذات يعني أن تخبر الآخرين دائمًا بما يجب أن يسمعوه.

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +0

Explanation: “Yes” indicates black and white thinking, simplifying, need for power, lack of awareness of your own feelings. It might be an excuse for arrogance, aggression or avoiding responsibility for how you communicate. Indicates artificial self-esteem, seeking instant solutions instead of responsible self-improvement. “Sometimes” is fine, as long as you take all the facts and points of view into consideration and express yourself in reasonable, constructive ways.


28. لقد منحني والداي الحياة وهما في المقام الأول في حياتي لا أحد يحول بيني وبينهم

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +1

Explanation: “Yes” indicates generalizing, idealizing parents, black and white thinking, tribal mentality, rigidity, possible dependence of parental approval. You were likely conditioned by guilt. It is healthy for a child to be grateful to parents, but not to subject other important relationships to them. It is not healthy for a child to feel in debt to parents. Maturity means respecting and considering all people equally, regardless of their relationship to you.


29. أنا دائمًا ما أتبع مشاعري.

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/في بعض الأحيان: +1 / 0 (انظر الشرح)

Explanation: “Yes” indicates prejudice, rigidity, possible shallowness. You might have developed only some parts of your character. Perhaps you didn’t learn to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy emotions. You might be gullible. If you ignore or disparage your rational mind, you deny yourself an important source of information. A sign of maturity is in finding the balance between emotions and ratio. 

“Sometimes” brings 0 points only if you had in mind moderate, balanced emotions and situations that do not carry important consequences. Otherwise, take +1 point.


30. إذا كان شخص ما يحبني حقًا، فسوف يدرك ما أحتاجه.

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +1

Explanation: Even people who love you, grew up in different circumstances and cannot read your mind. “Yes” indicates: exaggerated expectations, seeking a parent substitute, avoiding responsibility for clear communication. Perhaps you are influenced by Hollywood romance movies. You might not have developed healthy boundaries. You might resort to manipulation and criticism if such expectations are not fulfilled. 


31. It’s not my fault if people are upset or irritated with my behavior.

نعم: +3، لا: 0، ربما/في بعض الأحيان: +1 / 0 (انظر الشرح)

Explanation: You are not directly responsible for others’ feelings, but you are responsible to carefully examine your behavior and find a balance between yourself and your environment. “Yes” indicates: aggressiveness, egotism, lack of compassion, arrogance, irresponsibility. 

“Sometimes” brings 0 points only if you had in mind manipulative, victim-like people, or those who are prone to exaggerating and childish behavior. However, even then it is wise to check if your behavior was mature.


32. Without religion, people wouldn’t have a moral guide.

نعم: +3، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +2

Explanation: As we are social animals (i.e. evolved to have instincts for social cohesion), empathy, cooperation and sense of justice are a part of our biological heritage. Parents can raise highly moral children without influence of religion (my own experience). It is more important to teach empathy than dogma to a child. “Yes” indicates: prejudice, lack of knowledge, pliability, rigidity, lack of independent thinking. These might result in hypocrisy.


33. الأشخاص الانطوائيون و/أو الجادون مملون. يجب أن تكون الحياة ممتعة.

نعم: +3، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +1

Explanation: Not all people are stimulated by the same things. Some find a wealth of experience within rather than only in the outside world. “Yes” indicates prejudice, shallowness, generalizing, arrogance, dependence of external stimulation. You might be focused on short-term pleasure rather than long-term happiness. You might be egotistic and disrespectful to others.


34. المنطق أسمى من العواطف.

نعم: +2، لا: 0، ربما/في بعض الأحيان: +1 / 0 (انظر الشرح)

Explanation: “Yes” indicates rigidity, prejudice, possible shallowness. You might have developed only some aspects of your character. Perhaps you avoid your feelings or your parents taught you that emotions are not acceptable. You might have patriarchal beliefs. You deny yourself an important source of information. A sign of maturity is in finding the balance between emotions and ratio. 

“Sometimes” brings 0 points if you had in mind only childish, exaggerated, pathetic emotions. If you had in mind any emotions, take +1.


35. I am the way I am and it’s too late for me to change.

نعم: +3، لا: 0، ربما/بعض الأحيان: +2

Explanation: “Yes” indicates avoiding responsibility, using the path of least resistance, laziness, lack of awareness of the consequences of your behavior. 

النتائج:

0 – 6 POINTS: الخاص بك النضج العاطفي أعلى من المتوسط. تتحمل مسؤولية عواطفك وسلوكك. تفكر في المواقف من عدة وجهات نظر مختلفة. أنت تقدّر الآخرين. أنت مدرك لمشاعرك وأفكارك على عدة مستويات مختلفة. استمر في العمل الجيد!

7 – 27 POINTS: نضجك العاطفي ضمن النطاق المتوسط. اعتمادًا على عدد النقاط، قد تحتاج إلى عمل أكثر أو أقل لتحسين جودة حياتك. ركز بشكل خاص على تنمية الوعي بجميع مشاعرك، والتمييز بين المشاعر الناضجة وغير الناضجة واستكشاف وجهات النظر المختلفة.

أكثر من 27 نقطة: نضجك العاطفي منخفض. من المحتمل أن تبالغ وتتلاعب وتلوم الآخرين. قد تعبر عن النفاق والسطحية. من المحتمل أن تكون عدوانيًا بشكل نشط أو سلبي. تقديرك لذاتك مصطنع وهشّ، لذا تشعر بالحاجة إلى القوة و/أو الحاجة إلى إذلال الآخرين. من المحتمل أن تختلق أعذارًا غامضة لتبرير التصرف بناءً على رغبات مؤقتة. 

ما الذي يمكنك فعله:: إدراك أن مثل هذه السلوكيات لها عواقب مدمرة على المدى الطويل وتفسد احترام الذات الصحي. ممارسة الوعي بجميع مشاعرك، وليس فقط المشاعر الأكثر وضوحًا. التعرف على الخوف من الإذلال والنقص الذي يحفز الحاجة إلى السلطة وانتقاد الآخرين. تدرب على التماهي مع وجهات نظر ومشاعر الآخرين. ركز غضبك في تصرفات بناءة. 

الخاتمة

في هذا الاختبار، ما يلي الصفات والمهارات والقيم استخدمت كجوانب للنضج العاطفي: 

– ability to رؤية الأشياء من عدة وجهات نظر مختلفة

– ability to recognize and explore one’s own emotions على عدة مستويات 

– respect, compassion and understanding لأشخاص آخرين 

– responsibility for one’s own emotions and behavior

– tolerance لشخصيات مختلفة ووجهات نظر مختلفة

– proactivity (بدلاً من انتظار الآخرين أو الحياة لتقديم الحلول)

– healthy self-esteem

لم يتم التحقق من صحة هذا الاختبار علمياً، لذا افهمه في المقام الأول كوسيلة لتحفيز أفكارك، وليس كتقييم محدد لشخصيتك. المعايير عالية، لأن الصفات التي يتم قياسها غير شائعة وليست متوسطة.

إذا شعرت أنك قدمت بعض الإجابات بسرعة كبيرة أو بدون الكثير من التفكير، فإن الإجابات لا تزال صالحة – as emotional maturity is expressed through everyday behavior in which we often do not have enough time for much pondering and analysis.

مقالات ذات صلة:

النضج العاطفي

أسئلة وأجوبة حول النضج العاطفي

جميع المقالات 

التدريب عبر الإنترنت